


River's Way (revised)

by Jessi_Knight



Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: Dramedy, F/F, Femslash, Romance, Science Fiction, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2018-01-08 06:04:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 63,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessi_Knight/pseuds/Jessi_Knight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaylee Frye and River Tam crash land and are stranded on Opal, a colony world on the outer rim of human space. River's full of mysteries, and haunted by the darkness in her past. With cracked ribs from the crash, Kaylee at first has to depend on River to take care of her. As Kaylee heals and she and River start to build a life together, understanding and a deepening friendship grows between them, maybe even love...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Falling

**Author's Note:**

> If you've watched Firefly and Serenity before, what you should know is that this story takes place sometime after the 11th episode. 
> 
> If you've never watched the show, don't worry, this story should be completely readable for you anyway. It's basically just two women getting stranded on a planet. There's romance, humor, danger, and stuff like that (but mostly romance, really).
> 
> Still, I did think I should probably write a quick summary of the relevant history from the TV show. If you've watched the show but it's been a while, this should help jog your memory. If you haven't watched the show before at all, then this should help set the stage a little. Like I said, you don't need to even read this summary if you don't want to, but, I thought I should put it here anyway in case it happens that some of you do end up wanting one.
> 
> A summary of Firefly: In a far off future, one where humanity's left Earth and settled elsewhere in the galaxy, Kaylee Frye and River Tam are crew members on a ship called Serenity. Serenity's crew take whatever work they can get to make a living (within certain moral limits), from illegal salvage to transporting passengers. Kaylee's the engineer, and she's always been able to keep Serenity flying, even when times were tough. Life's not always easy, but Kaylee always tries to stay positive and optimistic about things anyway.
> 
> River and her brother, Simon, were passengers who later joined the crew. Simon helped River escape from a shadowy government program that'd been experimenting on her brain. Those experiments changed her somehow, and it's not exactly clear how. She was already a genius, one of the smartest people ever born, but what they did to her brain makes it so she can see even more. It gives her some incredible insights, possibly even extending to an ability to predict the future to one degree or another, but it also means she can be overwhelmed or confused at times if her mind wonders or emotions get too high among the people around her, though she's working through that and getting a better handle on it as time goes by.
> 
> River is being perused in secret by agents of the Alliance. The Alliance is the government that runs the more advanced and oldest of the human colonies, and which was behind the program that River escaped from. The Alliance want her back, but they also want to keep her existence a secret for unknown reasons (some of which are later revealed in the Serenity movie). River, Kaylee, and the rest of Serenity's crew already had a run in with agents of the Alliance on a world called Ariel, but were able to escape.
> 
> The newer colonies aren't governed by the Alliance, though the Alliance does maintain a presence further out in the form of space ships that patrol the shipping lanes at irregular intervals. They don't check up on colonies, but do sometimes provide humanitarian aide when it's requested.
> 
> On the edges of human space, there's also the danger of Reavers. Reavers are marauding killers in ramshackle space ships. Some think they're a tall tail and not real at all, but, to those in the outer colonies, they're real and they're a nightmare come to life. Once human, something happened to them that made them lose any semblance of human morality. When the Reavers come for you, your only options are usually to run, hide, or die horribly.
> 
> Recently, the crew of Serenity found themselves in a firefight on a space station run by a black marketeer named Adelai Niska. River and Kaylee were alone defending the entrance to their ship while the others were attempting to rescue two of their crew, Mal and Wash, who'd been taken prisoner.
> 
> Things looked grim, but River saved them by taking up Kaylee's gun and firing it around a corner blind. Without looking, her shots struck true every time. She killed all of their attackers, saving Kaylee and protecting their ship.
> 
> After seeing that, Kaylee got a somewhat better understanding of just how much she didn't know where River Tam was concerned. She was grateful to River for saving her life of course, but she also stopped knowing quite what to do with herself when River was around a lot of the time...
> 
> Note: In the later movie, "Serenity", River's abilities are seen to develop even further, which you will see happen in this story as well. The movie also tells you more about where the Reavers came from, and what their connection is to River.

Part 1: Spin Me 'Round, Carry Me Down 

**Chapter 1: ~ FALLING ~**

* * *

"You do know how to fly this thing, right?" Kaylee asked nervously, her eyes fixed on the cockpit portal and the atmo rushing by at much too high velocities for her liking.

"Not flying, falling. Mass plus velocity. What goes up must come down. Timing is everything. I have hopes." River replied, her hands on the steering controls, them and the whole shuttle shaking and jittering like it was about to come apart at the fastenings any second.

"Yeah, hopes... Those are good. Good to have hopes..." Kaylee's gaze went from River's hands, almost blurry now from the vibrations, to the window as they broke cloud-side and the ground came clear and ominous in view. 

"If we die, I should think you'll be very cross with me." River spoke, and Kaylee was now even more terrified to see a mad kind of smile light River's lips and eyes with a certain kind of peace that she really wished she could feel at that moment.

 _" River!"_ Kaylee screamed in abject panic as Serenity barreled at them up from the ground at escape velocity plus.

A jerk of the wheel and a turn and they felt the rumbling shutter of Serenity's velocity wake slam into them, the other much larger ship having passed within maybe as little as a meter's distance of them. The shuttle rumbled and rolled, set to spinning and twirling uncontrolled. Kaylee got to the floor and held onto the back of River's pilot chair for dear life itself as she felt gravity pull them around like an angry tide. Weightless one second, lurching in any which direction the next. The unmistakable sound of another ship—if anything, larger even than Serenity—crossing their wake shook the air and them in it with renewed force. Up was down, down was up and nothing in between made itself sensible. She screamed and held on. A scraping sound and something hard and heavy slammed into her backside.

The world went hazy and her vision seemed to blur. Her eyes watering, her whole body hurting, she felt herself kind of whimpering and wishing for anything she'd never seen the inside of a space ship and that she was back home nice and safe on the ground. _People weren't meant to live in space_ , the thoughts came. _You'd think the coldness deep enough to kill would have given us the _hint__.

Hard to focus, time seemed to stretch unnaturally long and bendy in ways it shouldn't, and still she held on. Images of running through her beautiful ship, laughing and having fun. Real fun with a really friend her own age like she hadn't had is a long time. River'd stolen her apple, and she'd chase her to the ends of the 'verse to get it back. It's just the way things had to be. She caught River and men tried to kill them for the apple. An apple is a rare and delicious treasure. People have killed for less. She was scared and she hid. _Mustn't look, mustn't look_ River'd said, taking Kaylee's gun from her and going to her feet to face them. Three shots rang out and River smiled at her. _No power in the 'verse..._

A hard shudder, a growling sound. The shuttle shook, but different. What did that mean? Things seemed to blur and slow. _Have to hold on..._ She told herself stubbornly. But things were muddy and she couldn't focus. A hard jerk and all the world seemed to slip out from under her without her leave.

Time passed.

It was dark and vaguely warm and comforting where she was. No worries. It was familiar... But something was happening. Someone wanted her to do something. A hand on her shoulder, shaking her. _Don't want to wake up now. Can't I sleep longer, captain? Engine won't give you a bit a trouble. Serenity's shiny. I fixed her good and..._ Hand on her cheek, warm and soft. _The captain's a lady? How'd that happen?_ Her foggy mind wondered.

"It's all right. We're safe now." The woman from her dreams—that was her speaking. _No power in the 'verse can stop her_ , her mind supplied as she felt a soft touch along her back. More words spoken, though no one seemed to know what. She was being lifted up. Soft skin, strong arms holding her to a body with a heartbeat to match her own. Where were they going? She tried to move or open her eyes, but the light was too bright and it seemed to scare the world from her again and chase her back into the warmth of the black.

* * *

Kaylee woke to a sea of all things soft and warm. A familiar perfume, like wildflowers on a clear spring day, settled into her mind. "'Nara?" She questioned, blinking her eyes open. "What in the...?" Her mind came back to her as her eyes cleared and she remembered that, yes, she did already know what in the 'verse she was doing waking up on Inara Serra's shuttle. She made to sit up, but the shooting pain through her torso immediately told her what a very bad plan of action that had been. "All ideas bright and shiny, that ain't one of them, is it?" She breathlessly questioned herself as she lay back on Inara's bed and stared up at the ceiling... Well, she was in pain, so odds were she weren't dead and gone to heaven. That was a cheerful thought. "River?" She called, looking around what of the shuttle that she could see from her resting spot. "River?" She asked. "You around anywheres?" She called a little louder, her voice a bit uncertain.

No answer.

She sighed and looked up at the fabric-draped ceiling that, along with the rest of the shuttle it seemed, had seen more orderly days. "We crashed." She spoke to herself. " _Zì xuan wo, jiao wo yige muyang ren_... _What a day._ " She breathed and remembered. Opal was a colony world about as far out on the rim as you'd like to go. It'd had two previous sets of tenants—settlers who'd tried and failed at being colony folk and met their ends for it. Opal's current tenants though, they were (unusually enough for settlers) some very well-off people, the kind with their own ideas about how a society should be kept. _Bunch of passive aggressive naysayers_ , as the captain'd called them. _Land of the irritating people_ , she'd thought (with some amusement) was a more like title for it than it had. Everyone giving you grief when you didn't act proper is what. But they'd been contracted to do a job. Sheep had been needed and sheep they'd brought. Sheep were a good deal more botherless than cows, and they'd all been much happy about that.

Irritating people aside though, it _was_ one of the nicer colony worlds you'd ever like to find out here. Not near as shiny a proper Alliance world, mind, but well-kept and growing, and with a right fair shopping district. The logistics of it'd been that Serenity's other shuttle had been contracted out to a local land barren for his own use while they'd been there. The rest were busy with the sheep and all, and Inara had taken a client in the governor of the colony. A rich former industrialist with his head in the clouds, as she'd been told. Knowing Serenity was in need of some parts and such, and seeing an opportunity to sneak in a little window shopping for frivolous things in the process, Kaylee'd asked Inara (whom she'd known would not be using her shuttle for her activities with the governor) if she could ride over with her and then use the shuttle to go into town and pick up supplies, then swing back for her at the end of the day. River had asked to go along with her, which had been a surprise. Though she'd still been kind of nervous and unsure around the woman since what'd happened on Adelei Niska's space station a while back, Kaylee hadn't seen the harm in it, and so had agreed. Nerves or not, River _had_ saved her life an all, and... despite her doubts as to the wisdom of it, she'd found that a large part of her did still _want_ to be River's friend... Even if she was no longer quite so sure of the best way to go about doing that...

The two of them'd been in the market more than three hours before they'd come back to the shuttle, just a little behind schedule and smiling, having actually had a great time together. River'd been normal as she'd ever been and things had seemed like, for once, a job would go smooth for them. The commotion they'd heard from the streets behind them as they loaded up their purchases, however, had put a stop to all that real fast though. She remembered, she'd turned to River, who's face had turned a mask of foreboding. "The hollow ones have come for us." River'd said. Kaylee had rushed to the hatch to look out at the sky and seen it: a Reaver ship breaking through cloud-side. Some inventive Chinese cures later, and she was turning and running back in, the sound of the shuttle's engine starting up greeting her as she'd entered. River'd been at the controls and prepping for takeoff. Kaylee'd seen the necessity of closing the hatch and securing the rest of the cargo right quick. Somehow, the fact that River might not know what she was doing in a pilot's chair had never seriously crossed her mind back then... And she'd hated to leave without trying to take on a few from the colony, but there weren't any near and, if they'd stayed, they'd have died too. Sure as sure you could get.

"This is a sanctuary. Don't worry." The words broke the silence of memory and brought Kaylee back to the present. She turned her head and saw River standing in the doorway and looking somewhere in the room, she couldn't tell where. All the sudden though, her crewmate's eyes found hers and River walked over to her and knelt by her side. "How's your back?" River asked, her face full of concern and kindness and her eyes, uncertain and a little haunted all the sudden, seeming to be searching for any visible problems.

"Hurts." Kaylee admitted with simple honesty. "I tried to sit up, but didn't like how it felt one bit. What happened?"

"We went down." River spoke, looking interestedly at Kaylee's arm and tracing one of her veins with a finger, as though trying to work out a puzzle. Kaylee shivered a little at the touch, but not so much that she really minded. "Simon's not here." She again met Kaylee's eyes.

"Figured that." Kaylee said of River's brother, Serenity's resident physician. "How bad do you think it is?"

"I know how to play doctor. It shouldn't present a problem." River replied seriously, lifting up Kaylee's shirt a ways to reveal bandages holding her ribs in place. "Two cracked ribs: fourth and eighth. One broken: second. You need to eat." This last said urgently, River getting up and going to scrounge around through their supplies.

"River..." Kaylee spoke, looking after her apparent physician.

"Calcium would be best, potassium and protean. Vegetable and potato soup is needed as well." She turned to Kaylee. "I made it bright." She smiled, grabbing a few things and scurrying out the door to go back outside.

"River, wait..." Kaylee called out, wincing as she shifted a bit in the effort.

"Yes?" The woman's questioning face showed around the corner of the door.

"I... O, meiguanxi." Kaylee replied. "Thank you."

River smiled. "Bie danxin. I won't leave you." She assured, and then she was gone again.

Kaylee sighed and laid back, glancing down at the bandages on her ribs again before laying her head completely back and looking at the ceiling again. "I am in so much trouble." She told the ceiling.

* * *

Some minutes later, Kaylee had almost nodded off to sleep again, but River reappeared with a fresh-cooked meal she'd apparently prepared outside on a fire she'd started. Kaylee was just a little mistrustful of River's culinary skills, she had to admit, but it smelled so good, and she _was_ very hungry—starving hungry actually, now that the smell of food was here to remind her of it. She took her first spoonful with an expectant looking River watching on, apparently intent on judging her reaction to the food with complete precision. And _oh_ did the soup taste good. The smile and look of delight on her face must have met with River's approval for she declared herself a success and the dazzlingly warm return smile on her face showed just how much it meant that to her that she had been.

"It feels nice to be useful." River spoke in a soft happy voice as they continued to eat.

"Yeah... I guess it does, doesn't it?" Kaylee mused, laying back a bit and looking over at River.

"Mm-hmm." River nodded. "...We're not astronauts anymore." She spoke, changing the subject apparently.

Kaylee paused. "What's an astronaut?" She asked.

River just pointed up and looked up at the ceiling, and Kaylee caught the meaning. Kaylee nodded. It was probably just one of those words you learned at school that regular people didn't know, or an old one that'd fallen out of use through the years. River just knew more words than she did. She'd accepted that.

"Do you think they're alright up there?" Kaylee asked. "I mean, they'll come back for us soon, ni bu juede ma?"

River met Kaylee's eyes. "Bushi women shuo..." She answered. "The clouds don't seem to think they'll be disturbed again for a while yet, though." She seemed to ponder her own words. "I think we'll all be all right in the end though." She smiled. "Sometimes, you just gotta have faith... shi?"

It was like something she'd have said herself, Kaylee pondered, and River'd just seemed so serene saying it that Kaylee couldn't help but feel a bit lighter for it. "You might be right about that." She replied.

"Of course I'm right." River answered. "I'm very clever, ni dong? Wise even." She said with a little of a teasing smile. "...You don't have to worry, Kaylee Frye. I'll keep us safe. I promise." She told her with a kind of quiet, sure sincerity.

Kaylee met her eyes. "You know? Somehow, I think I just might believe you will."

* * *

Should Kaylee believe? Next time: ~ _STRINGS ~_

 

Chinese translations:

_"Zì xuan wo, jiao wo yige muyang ren"_ = _"Spin me 'round and call me a sheep herder"_

"O, meiguanxi." = "Oh, never mind."

"Bie danxin." = "Don't worry."

"ni bu juede ma" = "don't you think?"

"shi?" = "right?"

"Bushi women shuo..." = "It's not for us to say..."

"ni dong?" = "you know?"

(please note: I'm getting my Pinyin Chinese from Google Translate, so I can't guarantee accuracy)


	2. Strings

Part 1: Spin Me 'Round, Carry Me Down 

**Chapter 2: ~ STRINGS ~**

* * *

It was a day later and Kaylee was glad to note that she seemed to be feeling in better sorts... Not a lot better (ribs still made moving much highly impractical), but she was more awake and alert for longer, and River's cooking seemed to be doing wonders for her, she had to admit.

"What're you doing over there?" Kaylee finally asked of River, for curiosity's sake.

River stopped and looked over at her. "It's all a mess." She explained simply. "I have to work the wind-water. Harmony is essential for proper healing, they say."

Kaylee considered her quietly a long moment at that. Things in the shuttle had gotten well and truly tossed about during planet-fall, of course, but... was River saying she thought cleaning it up would help heal her ribs? _Wind-water_... that was another way of saying fengshui, wasn't it? That was... kind of really thoughtful, actually, wasn't it? And they might be staying on here a while, right? ...Would be nice if the place was looking fully right ways up for a change, wouldn't it? 

"River?" Kaylee found herself speaking on impulse.

"Hm?" Her shipmate turned from sorting through a box of salvaged machine parts (one of Kaylee's purchases from Opal City's market, meant for Serenity) and looked to her, meeting her eyes.

"Do you think...? Do you think Inara...? Na shi... There's no way she coulda made it back to Serenity, zai na'er? Not without..." Inara Serra was the companion to which this shuttle properly belonged, you see. She'd been right up in the middle of the capital when the Reavers had come.

"Not even hollow people know to look everywhere." River spoke sympathetically, getting up and coming over to sit on the side of the bed next to Kaylee. "I knew how to hide from them, didn't I? And we were crashing at the time." She took Kaylee's hand, offering comfort.

Kaylee regarded River a moment. "You got a way of... knowing things sometimes. You really think she's alive?" She asked hopefully.

"...What is true memory, and what only the dreaming? Who among us can say?" River answered in a wistful voice, looking down at their joined hands in a lost in thought sort of way.

"Was afraid you'd say something like that..." Kaylee replied.

River looked back up to meet Kaylee's eyes, bringing a hand over to brush through her bangs. "She's tied to the world by strings we've woven. They aren't as easy to break as others..." She spoke.

The look Kaylee saw River's eyes seemed somehow ageless and... vast, in a way it was hard to define, but, somehow, Kaylee found herself believing in those eyes again. "You work miracles." Kaylee whispered, not really sure why she'd said the words. They'd come out from between her lips though, so there must have been a reason, right?

A bright sort of teasing smile came to River at that. "Now, see? You weren't supposed to figure that part out yet." River laughed and kissed her on the forehead before getting up to walk off and continue her harmonizing efforts.

Kaylee just looked after her, not realizing the sigh she'd sighed until she sighed it.

Rest was a good thing, a needed thing, and so she closed her eyes and listened to River hum some song, letting herself be carried away by the melody. River had such a pretty voice, she mused; it really was very pleasant to listen to, even when she wasn't singing...

* * *

In her mind, Kaylee dreamed of falling, of flying, and of her family left behind on Isis Colony. Her sister was telling her something about how to fix a plow, which seemed passing odd to her since she knew for certain it'd gone the other way 'round. At length, she blinked her eyes open though, her mind losing the dream and telling her that she was being poked at. "Mmm?" She questioned vaguely.

"Stay still." River told her in a soft yet intent voice.

Kaylee looked down her body to see River sitting next to her on the bed, checking over her injured ribs with a look of determined concentration on her face. _Cute expression_ , she considered fondly, smiling inwardly. "River?" She questioned, a little of an amused smile coming to her lips that faded almost as soon as it had come. "Am I alright, do you think?" She found herself asking, laying her head back, as straining her neck did not feel like the smart thing to be doing right at the moment. It was a strange, sobering feeling, being so helpless as she was. If it wasn't for River...

"Checking that..." River replied, belatedly looking up to meet her eyes. Their gazes held for long wordless moments, and Kaylee found herself almost regretting the loss when River blinked and smiled to her. "I made food." She offered. "Are you hungry?"

Kaylee considered that. "Yeah." She agreed, swallowing on a dry throat and trying to place just what it was she was feeling at the moment.

"Hao de, yi... be right back then." River said, sounding a little self-conscious as she got to her feet and went silently to the other side of the shuttle.

The minutes ticked by and Kaylee watched on as her shipmate fussed over her cookings, neither of them saying a thing as she worked.

Sun was shining in through the windows and Kaylee mused to herself that it made Inara's shuttle look like a magical place, laced with gold. River looked like a character out of a novel like she was, the light making her glow in a way that was beautiful to look at. As Kaylee lay there though, her body's aches started to reassert themselves on her by degrees. _Pain killers wearing off, must be..._

River was soon back at her side, offering her a plate of meat flavored tofu from a can, along with biscuits, a packet of synthetic orange juice, and what looked like freshly picked berries. She didn't give her the food though, instead just looked at her a moment. "You're hurting again..." She assessed softly.

"Um, yeah... good guess." Kaylee admitted, it apparently being her turn to feel self-conscious about something.

River set the plate of food on the nightstand and got down from the bed to crouch next to the med-kit that she kept on the floor beside the bed.

"...Here..." River said, getting back on the bed with an injector full of pain meds. "Just what the doctor ordered?" She asked, seeking Kaylee's permission.

"Please." Kaylee gave her permission.

River moved in and administered the shot. There was no pain, the needle going in and out smoothly. Kaylee felt the tension in her body start to relax already as the pain killers quickly started to take effect. "It's going to make you sleepy again in a few hours." She warned.

"Fine by me..." Kaylee said.

River smiled hopefully. "Have lunch with me?" She propositioned.

"Yeah, and um, you know, thanks?" Kaylee offered.

"Sharing a meal with someone so beautiful will always be its own reward to me." River replied a little playfully.

Kaylee quirked a smile at that. "I don't look that bad, do I? You feel the need to stroke my vanity so?"

River brushed fingers through Kaylee's bangs a moment. "You don't." She told her, the words faint.

"Anyway, really, just... thank you?" Kaylee offered.

"For what?" River asked, smiling warmly.

"For what she says. How about for looking after me like this? Cooking, um, all that... and, well, saving my life. That too." Kaylee explained.

"Oh, right, those things." River looked a little uncomfortable with the praise. "What are friends for, if not to wait on you hand and foot when you really need it, right? You'd do the same for me."

"I... Yeah... Yeah, I would at that." Kaylee had to admit. "I'd try anyway." She reached out and covered River's hand with hers.

River just smiled and kissed her quickly on her knuckles. "You're feeling up to that lunch date now, aren't you?" She asked.

"Yeah, um, yeah, I am at that." Kaylee agreed.

So River went about helping her sit up against the headboard a ways, piling pillows up under her. She couldn't very well eat laying on her back after all. She went and handed Kaylee her plate of food then. "Be right back." She said after that, going off to retrieve her own plate of food and coming back to sit by her on the bed again.

"Just remember: crumbs are the enemy." Kaylee teased, even though she was reminding herself of that fact in all seriousness. They were on a bed, after all.

"I shall devour them all, down to the last." River told her as they started to eat.

Kaylee just looked at her then, then down at her food. "Where'd the berries come from?" She asked, taking a nibble of the bread next, dipping it in her synthetic orange juice first. Then trying the tofu, liking the sauce it came with.

"I went walking." River replied, having sat herself cross-legged with her plate in the center of her lap. She was selecting bites off her own plate in what seemed to Kaylee to be a very systematical way, another of those cute smiles on her lips snacked. "The lake spoke to me. She told me... the salmonberries are best for healing." River looked back over to her questioningly, their eyes meeting. "Was she right, do you think?"

Kaylee looked assessingly down at the orange colored berries on her plate, then back at River who popped two of the berries from her own plate into her mouth and smiled to herself at their taste. Kaylee couldn't help but smiling too, imitating her and eating two of her own berries, finding them sweet and good. Very, very good, actually... "They're amazing." She informed River.

"...You'll be better soon. We both will." River replied positively in a soft voice.

 _Both_?

* * *

Have you ever tried salmonberries? Next time: ~ IN THE LIGHT ~

Chinese translations:

"Na shi..." = "I mean..."

"zai na'er?" = "is there?"

"Hao de, yi..." = "Alright, um..."


	3. In The Light

Part 1: Spin Me 'Round, Carry Me Down 

**Chapter 3: ~ IN THE LIGHT ~**

* * *

It was a couple days later now. Kaylee's ribs were improved enough that she could walk for short distances as long as she was careful and had River to help her. The shuttle was also looking very neat and harmonious too, Kaylee had to admit. One more thing in a growing list of things she had to be grateful to River for (the help with relieving herself as she recovered had been particularly.... memorable, just for example). River had opened the hatch and fresh air was wafting in, warmed by the bright morning sun. River was gone—exploring outside again, Kaylee figured. She soon came back though, looking about outside the shuttle hatch with that bright sort of curious wonder she had sometimes. When she looked over towards the shuttle though, towards her, her eyes found Kaylee's with a careless precision that was always just a little startling. Not in a bad way, really, not at all, but it did tend to derail her thoughts whoever River did that. Knowing precisely where the two small points of another person's eyes were without searching, after all? It shouldn't be possible. If it ever happened at all, it should be by sheer chance—a once in a lifetime kind of serendipity, if anything. For River Tam though? Well, Kaylee'd started to suspect that serendipity might just be an everyday humdrum sort of occurrence where she was concerned.

"Hello to you too." Kaylee spoke softly to herself, her lips quirking in a little of a fond smile, charmed by the whole thing despite herself.

Amazingly enough, River broke into a bright smile at that and seemed to say something back to her in what must be a normal conversational tone for someone standing right next to you. Kaylee heard her, but couldn't quite make out the words from that distance away. A confused look came over River's face then, like she couldn't figure this new game of their out.

"N, ni bu juede ta neng ting dao wo dehua ma?" She said to herself, watching River curiously. "If you can hear me, speak up or get over here. I can't hear you back, yaknow."

River didn't say anything, she just started walking right towards her, up into the shuttle and soon she was sitting down cross-legged on the bed right next to her, hardly disturbing the mattress as she did. "Better?" River asked, a little of a playful smile quirked on her lips.

"Mei banfa, you could really hear what I was saying all the way out there?" She asked incredulously. _Lip reading, it's gotta be_ , she reassured herself.

River just smiled at her, guileless. "I found more berries." She told her with secretive satisfaction, her mood then turning towards serious consideration. "The woods still hold many mysteries though. I think there are shadows falling off in the distance..."

"Shadows?" Kaylee asked, not following.

"You can't see past them, or I certainly can't." River looked wistful, then over to Kaylee's eyes. "It's better here in the light." She explained as if what she said made all the sense in the worlds.

Kaylee opened her mouth, a question forming on her lips only to die away. "I guess it is at that, ain't it?"

"You're worrying about them again, aren't you? About Serenity..." River spoke in an understanding sort of way. "They're your heart's family..."

Kaylee looked to her questioningly. "Course I worry... You're worrying about your brother too? I mean, you gotta be..." She turned the question back to its asker, voice soft and a little hesitant.

"Worry isn't logical, just beautiful sometimes." River told her, wistful. "...Simon's worrying about me. You know, in the out there?" She offered, looking up at the ceiling. "About you too, I think."

"You really think so?" Kaylee questioned, her voice still a little tired sounding.

"A true heart, has my brother. You'd wonder where he got it?" River closed her eyes and smiled. "He thinks about that sometimes, as if it matters more than it does..." She told her a little airily, opening her eyes and meeting hers. "You probably don't want to know what I think about it..." She informed her in an enigmatic (possibly teasing) sort of way. "I have lightning behind my eyes. Storms and sunny days. And a rabbit, pulled from a top hat."

Kaylee just looked at her. "You bother me sometimes, know that?" She said with a little of a smile.

"Sometimes on purpose." River told her back. She wore a straight face, but her eyes smiled in a playful fashion, giving her away.

Kaylee was startled into laughing. "You mean to say you've been toying with my delicate sensibilities all this time? And here I am, in a sickbed and everything..."

"But it's for a good cause." River explained, looking at her, seemingly concentrating on her face. "And only every now and then, just when I'm hoping it will make you smile?" And she reached out, lightning quick, seeming to snatch something right in front of Kaylee's face.

"Wha-!" Kaylee started, River's hand gone before she could tell what was what. "What in all the stars an worlds was that about?"

River just smiled. "Nose theft." She explained, showing Kaylee evidence of the theft. "Yours is missing now, you realize."

Ridiculously, Kaylee found herself checking her face with her hand to make sure it was still there. River started giggling uncontrollably at this. Kaylee just looked at her a moment then joined in the laughter.

"Where'd you learn that from?" Kaylee asked.

"Hoban Washburne. It's all smoke and mirrors though." River confessed. "It's actually my thumb." She pointed to her thumb and opened the hand attached to that thumb and there was a pink flower without a stem there... a lily maybe. "It's for you." She offered, holding it out to Kaylee. "A present."

Kaylee looked down at the flower, so completely unexpected.

"Take it." River instructed.

Kaylee smiled up at her in delighted wonder and took the flower delicately in her hands. "You're just full of surprises, aren't you?"

"And also salmonberries." River replied. "They're hard to resist." She explained.

"Zoe would say to take advantage of a good thing when it comes your way." Kaylee offered, looking at the flower and swallowing a sudden welling of emotion that she couldn't quite explain to herself.

"The trick is telling the good things from the bad ones, I suppose." River pointed out. "Do you think we can?" She asked.

"Hope so." Kaylee said, smiling to her friend.

"Hope springs eternal. It flies on angel's wings, only offering protection to those pure of heart." River said.

"That's another quote, isn't it?" Kaylee asked, curious.

"Mm-hmm. Sun-chin Lee, a couple generations back. She had a shaved head and a pretty smile when her picture was taken for the history books." River confirmed. "You've got a pretty smile too... just not the shaved head." She teased.

"Yeah, um, thanks... you too." Kaylee told her, feeling kind of awkward about it. "I mean, they're both true, about you. That you, um, that you have a pretty smile, but not a shaved head..." She quirked a helpless smile, embarrassed about bumbling her words so.

River just smiled, looking a little awkward herself.

"You um, you know a lot of those I guess, don't you? Quotes, I mean? From famous people? All that schooling you had..." She trailed off.

"Mm-hmm." River confirmed, laying down in bed next to her and looking up at the ceiling with her. "A library full, and more besides. Some, I think I might have just made up for myself to pass the time..." She admitted.

Kaylee smiled, feeling a little more steady now that she didn't have to look River in the eyes anymore. "Tell me another one then?" Kaylee asked.

"Shimmer, swimmer, star of mine; watch you twinkle, watch you shine. Light the dark, find the way, circle round, how you may. Tell me a story, and tell me true: just was it that you do?" River spoke in a soft, lyrical way that was touching in a way Kaylee couldn't quite put her finger on.

"Who um, who said that?" Kaylee found herself asking.

"I don't know... It's from a book my mom used to read me, when I was very small and she and my father held my faith in the palms of their hands." River confessed.

"...It's pretty." Kaylee told her simply, not quite brave enough to say anything more.

"It is. It's a beauty I sinned against though, in my ignorance." River told her in a faint, far off sort of voice.

"...Against your mother, you mean? I..." Kaylee turned her head to look at River in profile beside her and decided that protestations probably weren't what her shipmate needed just now. "Um, so what was your sin then? If you'd... like to tell me?" She asked.

"...Lao-tzu said it best, I think... _I have three treasure; I guard and keep them: The first is deep love, the second is frugality, and the third is not to dare to be ahead of the world. Because of deep love, one is courageous. Because of frugality, one is generous. Because of not daring to be ahead of the world, one becomes the leader of the world..._ My sin was daring, and I have yet to forgive, for I never wished to lead a world... yet to be forgiven, either—for what mother, what father, could well love a daughter like me...?" River told her, sounding as defeated as Kaylee had ever heard her.

"...I would..." Kaylee found herself saying. "If you were mine? I'd love you... I know I would." She told her.

River was silent at that, and Kaylee watched her.

"...Do you love me, lady fair? Do you dance with me, and plant flowers in my hair? Am I you mother? Daughter? Friend? Am I your lover, whom you would defend? ...What's your reason, and is there a rhyme? I think I'd like to know one day, if you have the time..." River spoke, her words lyrical, but whispered and sounding almost as if they'd come from far away.

Kaylee swallowed. "That's um, that was beautiful. Who said that one?" Kaylee asked, not knowing what else to say.

"River Tam said it, and only a moment ago." River told her lightly, a small smile coming to her lips as River turned to look at her out of the corner of her eyes. "Do you know her?"

Kaylee regard her and River turned on her side enough so that their eyes met properly, a teasing, playful smile on her shipmate's lips. It took Kaylee's breath away a little, that smile and those eyes. How does she make me feel this way? How's it so darn easy for her to make me feel like this? She had to ask herself, feeling a mix of emotions she didn't really want to think too deeply on. What kind of parents did she have though, that couldn't find it in their hearts to love her? That felt... so wrong to her. She didn't know much, but she knew that. "I know everything about River Tam." She said found herself saying, she didn't know why, other than she wanted to contribute to their banter somehow and she wanted River to know that she didn't have to feel so bad.

River perked up at that, getting up on her elbow, moving a little closer in the progress. "Do you really?" She asked, eyes dancing, but seeming genuinely surprised.

"Her mind is an open book to me." Kaylee said boldly, continuing the tease before she could think better of it. "What? You didn't know?"

Before she knew it, River was on top of her, held up by knees and hands and looking down into her face intently, her eyes so open and naked and needing... Kaylee couldn't help it, a thrill went through her, her heart sped up, and her words all fled far, far away.

"You don't though, do you? Not yet anyway..." River told her softly. "One day... maybe." She kissed her cheek then, getting up off the bed and walking away.

River just lay there a moment, then she shook herself out of it and sat up, her ribs protesting her thoughtlessness. "River?" She asked, but when she looked around the space, River was gone without a trace.

 _Gaisi de, she moves ghostly, don't she?_ She thought to herself, laying back on the bed and closing her eyes, letting her aches and thoughts settle. What was going on here, though? She tried to think it all through and just got a jumble, really.

She noticed smoke from outside though, so she figured River was cooking lunch for them, which was good because she was hungry enough to eat whatever was put in front of her by this point. Healing was hungry work sometimes, apparently.

She was no closer to answers or untroubled thoughts when River came back a while later with lunch for them to share. The two of them ended up falling back into easy, familiar banter though, and nothing seemed wrong or much changed between them, really.

Except, of course, that something _was_ changed...

* * *

The sky was getting dark half the daylight later. Kaylee'd been watching River on and off for hours now—she was in the middle of the shuttle, sitting on the floor and industriously making something from branches she'd gotten in the woods and a length of cloth taken from the shuttle stores. Kaylee'd asked what it was she was making at one point, but River had been so absorbed in her crafting that all she'd said for explanation was _a vacation_ , and Kaylee'd decided to wait and just let her work.

And, sure enough, as River's work took shape, she soon got the idea that it was a litter. "So that's what you meant." Kaylee said, having figured it out at last.

"Hmm?" River looked up to her, blinking.

"About the vacation." Kaylee clarified.

River looked from Kaylee out the open hatch. "Sun's sleeping soon." She explained. "I'm determined that you'll be able see it happen with me this time, if you want to?" She told her it matter-of-factly, going back to her task, knitting the cloth in place to the branches. "I think it might be important."

Kaylee was quiet again at that, letting her friend continue her work without comment, not entirely knowing what to say, but also feeling sort of warm and fluttery about the whole thing. She just couldn't seem to help it somehow.

"...How's it important, exactly?" Kaylee finally found herself asking, though she wasn't sure why she did.

River stilled and didn't answer for a long moment. "I don't know... Sunsets are always important, aren't they?" She asked, softly.

"Yeah... I, um, I guess they are, aren't they?" Kaylee agreed, unsettled somehow.

"Dui, tamen shi." River said, voice subdued.

"...We did watch one together that once, you know. Back on Triumph, remember?" Kaylee asked, though she knew River must. They hadn't done much talking then either, but River had told her a story.

River looked up to her and smiled a little shyly. "I always remember." She told her.

Kaylee smiled a little too. "You told me about flying a kite, with Simon, on a beach by the ocean, back when you were young ....You going to make a kite, next?" She asked.

River's head dropped. "I could..." She was all she said.

"Was um, was that the wrong thing to say, then?" Kaylee asked.

River just shook her head. " _What's wrong is right, what's right is left, what's up is down... and if it's never not so, then all you are is bereft._ " She said, looking over to Kaylee, uncertainty in her eyes.

Kaylee blinked. "Who said that? ...Was it you again?" She asked, a little of a fond smile on her lips.

River shook her head again. "Amelia Wainwright. She was an explorer out of Hera, scouting colony worlds in the days before the Alliance, when all the worlds had their independence... It was a poem she wrote, after being left drifting in space all alone for almost three days. When they found her, she'd passed out and was close to death, her oxygen supply just minutes from completely gone."

"...What's it mean?" Kaylee asked, fascinated, despite that her feelings were tied in knots somehow.

River shrugged. "Yexu meiyou." She admitted lightly. "But... I like to think it could mean that: if you hold on too tightly to up or down, the right or the wrong thing to say, then it makes it too easy to get lost, or have your heart broken, for that matter?"

"A broken heart, huh?" Kaylee said, her thoughts wandering unbidden to Deylin Talwin, the boy who'd broken her heart once. He'd done it by dying of course, so she'd never rightly felt she had a right to blame him. Except, of course, that it hadn't really _stopped_ her from blaming him. Not for a good long while, at least. It _had_ taught her that you only got one chance to live how you wanted to live though, so there was that.

"A broken heart isn't always so bad though, is it? Like kintsugi, you can become lined with gold sometimes." River told her in a gentle, thoughtful voice as she continued to knitting.

"...Kintsugi?" Kaylee asked.

"From one of the old nations on Earth That Was. The Japanese..." River explained, once again absorbed in her work. "They'd mend broken pottery with a molten gold lacquer. It's still a niche form of art some places, even now. Even if most people don't remember who the Japanese were, once upon a sometime."

"You know though." Kaylee offered.

"Shi... but I know everything, so that might not count." River teased.

"Right... everything." Kaylee smiled, laying her head back on the pillow to gaze up at the ceiling with another one of those fond smiles on her lips. One thing about Inara's shuttle she could be grateful for: at least she had a nice ceiling to look at.

"You don't know, it might be true." River told her airily.

Kaylee yawned without meaning to. "...You know? I think I'd like watching another sunset with you." She confessed. "So, maybe there's some truth to that, really."

"Of course there is. It's, um nice of you to admit it though?" River replied.

"Oh, well, I'm just that sort of person. Nice and cheerful? Never a cross word to man nor beast, deng deng..." Kaylee offered, thinking that, yes, she in fact really did need to get out of bed for a while. She stayed here much longer, she was likely to go just a little loopy... or maybe get bed sores.

"Mm-hmm... That was among the everything that I know, as it turns out." River bantered, nonchalant.

"That doesn't count. I advertise." Kaylee countered, just as nonchalant, privately admitting to herself that she was probably _already_ just a little loopy. It was that kind of tired where you were but you weren't, and you didn't want to sleep, you wanted to do something and then sleep (hopefully sleep). So, going to see a sunset with a friend was something to do, right?

River giggled. "Loopy." She said.

Kaylee turned her head to look at River, a little incredulous at having that particular word pulled right out of her head like that.

"All done." River said happily, standing up and smiling, the litter complete and looking quite sturdy, Kaylee would admit.

"You're an artist." Kaylee told her fondly, catching River's happiness.

"Vacation time?" River asked hopefully.

"Shi." Kaylee told her.

And River sat and helped her up, getting her settled into the litter. River dragged her behind her that way down to the lake, where they watched the sunset together and told stories to each other.

Sunset and stories, it seemed, might become a tradition of theirs...

* * *

What's your sunset tradition? Do you have one? Next time: ~ _DEMONS ~_

Chinese translations:

"N, ni bu juede ta neng ting dao wo dehua ma?" = "Hmm, you don't suppose she can hear me?"

"Mei banfa" = "No way"

" _Gaisi de_ " = " _Damn_ "

"Dui, tamen shi." = "Yes, they are."

"Yexu meiyou." = "Maybe nothing."

"Shi..." = "Yes..."

"deng deng..." = "and all that..."


	4. Demons

Part 1: Spin Me 'Round, Carry Me Down 

**Chapter 4: ~ DEMONS ~**

* * *

When Kaylee woke, it was mid-morning the next day and River was sitting in bed next to her, her back to the headboard and her legs crossed and pulled up to her and held with crossed arms. She seemed to be staring off into nowhere in particular, and Kaylee couldn't help watching her for a while before groaning and shifting to a slightly different position to shake off the sleeps. "Good morning." Kaylee spoke.

"That's debatable, I think..." River answered wistfully. "But the sentiments are appreciated." She said, looking over to her. "It's raining."

Kaylee laughed, even though it hurt to laugh.

* * *

That afternoon, they were sitting in bed cross-legged and facing each other, playing cards as it rained and rained. Kaylee had herself propped up against the headboard mostly, leaning forward for short periods sometimes when she was daring enough.

The game was called _Persephone's Chance_. The rules were that you discarded one card in a face down discards pile each turn. There were also face up cards called forfeits, and each turn each player stole one card at random from the other player's hand and gave one from their own to contribute it. Each turn, you drew one card from the discards, one from the forfeits, and one _chance_ card from either pile. There were three card combinations that you could gather to win, and a few other _chance_ combinations that did other things to make play a little more interesting.

It wasn't really a serious sort of card game, more something to keep their hands busy while they talked. Just a rainy-day thing to do, she supposed. She remembered doing similar things back home with her family on Isis growing up. Since she'd left home and made a life for herself up in the night's sky though, there hadn't been many rainy days. Oh, there'd been a few (maybe two or three?), when they'd been dirtside for one reason or another and it had rained, but that was it.

It brought back memories. Brought back certain feelings too, and in a particular way that was new to her.

"I never much like the company of farm animals, you know?" She found herself confessing. "I'd sequester myself away in that workshop of mine to avoid those kinds of chores whenever I could."

River shook her head. "I suspect you have it backwards, really."

"What do you mean?" Kaylee asked.

"What if you didn't actually dislike the animals, so much as you just... liked them too much, and didn't like that your family kept them as slaves? ...It's not a bad thing, you know? To be against slavery? Zhe yiweizhe ni you lianghao de daode." River told her, picking up a card and laying down three.

Kaylee quirked a smile. "That's one way to look at it, I suppose." She had to admit. "I'm not sure how true it is, though. It's not as though I went around protesting against animal slavery to anyone who'd listen, now did I?"

River met her eyes as Kaylee played her next round of cards. "We feel things though, you know? It doesn't mean we face them all the time, or can put them into words. So... we don't always act, but... the feelings are still there, bushi ma?"

"Well, I... yeah, wo cai yexu shi zheyang." Kaylee ventured, watching River pick up a card she'd hoped would go overlooked and put down a card she did not need in the slightest. She furrowed her brow, thinking about her cards options.

"It's not easy to take a stand when you're the only one there, you know? When a world's against you, momentum will usually have its way with you to one extent or another. You hid and you broke free though, in the end." River said as Kaylee played her next cards.

"So, you're calling me a coward, is what I'm hearing here. Is that it?" She smiled a little ruefully of this whole line of conversation. River had a way of leading her into rueful conversations sometimes, she knew this about her. Sometimes they could be silly, or happy, or sad, or deep, or whatever else. This was turning into a kind of deep, kind of silly kind sort of conversation, one that didn't actually _feel_ silly somehow. She and her sister back home had certainly had more than one heart to heart conversation on rainy days growing up though. This was kind of like that... well, except that River was River, and therefore by definition didn't always see fit to go about things in the usual ways.

"Heroes die much of the time." River shrugged. "I think it's better to be clever and live, even if you have to be cowardly enough to stab your enemies in the back." She told her.

"There might be wisdom in that." Kaylee had to admit. She wasn't exactly going to go stabbing people in backs over chickens of course, mind, but she was willing to go along with the thread of conversation and see where it went. She'd learned to try to keep an open mind where River was concerned. If you did, she could really have a way of surprising you in ways you'd never have seen coming. "In any case, I guess I never did make much of a proper farm girl, did I? ...Except, when I got older and better at fixing things, I got to being right useful around the place, you know? Isn't that... well, didn't I support animal slavery by fixing the slavers' slaving machines?" She ventured, not exactly comfortable in the conversation at the moment, but she wasn't going to be cowardly and change the topic either.

River shrugged and smiled. "You do all sorts of things for family. That's just the way it is, right?" She asked, looking a little sad, having said it.

Kaylee let out a breath. "Yeah..." She agreed silently, recognizing the sadness in her friend's words and connecting it back to what River'd said before about her parents, wondering if she should ask...? "You um, you have regrets about that, then?" She asked delicately. "I mean, for your family? You... um, your parents?"

River looked down at her cards for long moments, and Kaylee wondered if she'd gone a step too far? River looked up and met her eyes with another of those sad smiles though. "Do you regret it? That I'm here with you now, I mean?" She asked, sounding hesitant.

"No... No, I um, I'm glad you are. You've saved my life, what, maybe three times by now after all?" Kaylee ventured... and River wouldn't have been here to do that, if she hadn't made the choices in her life she had. Kaylee got the point.

"Is that the only reason?" River asked, her voice sounding playful, but her eyes looking vulnerable, and maybe hopeful too.

Kaylee paused a moment, then shook her head. "There are other reasons." She told her, giving her a smile to show she meant it.

River returned the smile, looking relieved and happy. "Good." She said, laying her cards out flat for Kaylee to see. "That way, I don't feel quite so bad about winning again."

Kaylee blinked, looking at the cards River'd just laid down, then giggling. "Would it really be so much to ask if you'd let me win once in a while?" She asked plaintively, though she wasn't really upset about it at all. Maybe a tiny bit flummoxed, sure, but it was only cards.

"I'd never be so dishonest, not with you. We're friends, right?" River asked, all innocent and honorable like.

"Yeah, but is it really being dishonest if I know you're letting me win ahead of time?" Kaylee bantered back.

"No... it's not." River acknowledged.

"So... You'll let me win next time then?" She asked.

River shook her head. "No, never." She told her, just a little smugly.

"Brat." Kaylee accused, throwing her cards at River in mock frustration, both of them breaking down into laughter.

It felt good to laugh, and River was talented at getting her to, as it turned out.

* * *

Two days later, and things were going well, Kaylee thought. River and her seemed to be getting along really well. It seemed like all that awkward distance between them from what'd happened on Niska's station had vanished, and they were fast friends all over again and better than ever. There were other kinds of ghosts, of course. River had a lot of pain in her past, Kaylee knew that... and she knew River had to be as worried for their lost shipmates as Kaylee was. For River, not knowing her brother's fate had to be epically hard. They'd stopped talking about it mostly, about Serenity and about Inara, but she knew it was still there, that worry... that dread.

Things were looking up for her too, though. She was able to sit upright now without any trouble, and she'd seen two sunsets, dragged out to see them as she'd been by River on that litter of hers. A little of a bumpy ride at certain points, but well worth it. In a day or two, River said, she'd be up to walking all the way there, no litter needed. Already she could walk pretty well on her own without leaning on River, as long as she didn't overdo it, which was good.

Right now, she was sitting on the couch and reading one of Inara's books. Inara's library pad had some interesting selections on it, to say the least; this one she'd chosen no less than the rest.

As she was reading though, a small crashing noise from outside startled her from her reading, followed by some creative cursing in Chinese on River's part. River'd been endeavoring to make a proper bathtub for them on and off for a day and a half now. It was sweet, really. The shower system on the shuttle still worked partly, but Kaylee couldn't well use it, injured as she was. That, and Kaylee seemed to recall a talk she'd had on the subject of bathtubs with River at some point prior to their being stranded here on Opal, wherein River had lamented the lack of having real baths in space. _The price of growing up privileged_ , Kaylee'd surmised, nevertheless having found herself wholly in agreement with her on the subject.

Trouble was, while River swore up and down she knew how to make a simple bath tub, had the engineering of it all worked out, apparently the slowly emerging tub shaped object out yonder had an idea in its head to make it difficult on her. It was actually kind of funny, seeing River have to try so hard at something like that when most things seemed to come so easy for her. It made her seem a bit more human and relatable somehow.

"This wood is full of demons." River rued, carrying a component of her tub with her into the cabin and setting it down in what Kaylee had dubbed _River's workshop_. "I must smite them." She proclaimed decidedly, choosing a tool one would rightly use on a piece of metal plating and using it creatively, going at the hapless log with redoubled determination.

Kaylee chuckled just a bit and put the library pad aside to watch River work, unable to help from indulging her curiosity. 

It didn't take long and River was done, getting up and turning to see Kaylee regarding her. "The exorcism's complete, no need to worry." She informed Kaylee, quirking a small curious smile.

Kaylee quirked a smile of her own. "I wish I could be more help with this. You're making it mostly for me after all." She told her.

River just smiled, delighted apparently. It was a smile that actually made Kaylee's heart skip a beat, it was so pretty. "Wo rongxing de fuwu." River said, making little bow.

Kaylee giggled at that and River grinned, turning and going back out to face the rest of the demons.

"Be careful out there." Kaylee called after her playfully.

"Oh, I will." River called back.

Kaylee watched after her a bit, shook her head, and went back to her book.

She was just getting to the good part, after all.

* * *

Is there any truth to demons, do you think? Or gremlins maybe? Next time: ~ _LUXURY ~_

 

Chinese translations:

"Zhe yiweizhe ni you lianghao de daode." = "It means that you have good morals."

"bushi ma?" = "aren't they?"

"wo cai yexu shi zheyang." ="I guess maybe so."

"Wo rongxing de fuwu." = "My honor to serve."


	5. Luxury

Part 1: Spin Me 'Round, Carry Me Down 

**Chapter 5: ~ LUXURY ~**

* * *

Sometime early the next day, Kaylee was positively blissful luxuriating in a hot bath just inside the hatch of the shuttle. River had somehow managed to rig a heating element for the water and connect it into the shuttle's damaged systems. Ingenious, really it was, she mused happily.

She opened her eyes and glanced over River's way. The other woman was sitting on a small crate, legs pulled up, arms crossed on her knees, chin resting titled to the side a little on her crossed arms. River was just looking at her with a lazy, peaceful sort of satisfaction on her face. _The proud maker admiring her handiworks_ , Kaylee guessed, understanding the feeling well and kind of liking seeing that look on her friend's face for some reason. Probably because it was one more way they could relate to one another.

Kaylee closed her eyes once more and lay back, a small hum of contentment leaving her lips.

River'd insisted that Kaylee be the first to get a bath, even though Kaylee could tell River was secretly longing for one too. River's standing order was for her to just let herself soak in the tub for a while after getting in. To loosen up her sore muscles before washing and to help in the healing as well, she'd told her in so many words. And Kaylee had to admit, in this case? She was happy and then some to be following doctor's orders. She felt yards better for the relaxing soak, the water's soothing heat seeming to penetrate her skin down to her bones and relax her.

She felt downright lackadaisical, in fact.

Kaylee let her mind drift, thinking about the chances they had of repairing the shuttle again. She wasn't holding out much hope. River'd gone investigating, at her request, and reported back to her in detail. It didn't sound good, not at all. She knew herself to be a damn good ship's mechanic, great even. She'd pulled off more than one miracle when the chips were down, and that was a fact. She was no alchemist though, and that was another fact. Some things you just couldn't fix. Some parts, when they well and truly broke, you just had to replace, and there was no way around it. Still and all, what would it hurt to crawl around inside and see for herself, once she was able? She had the spare parts she'd bought in Opal city, before the Reavers came—maybe there'd be a way? Not that, even if she could fix the shuttle, they'd be able to leave Opal. They couldn't. Shuttles like this one weren't meant for extended space travel, after all. If they had to go anywheres though, like back to the city for supplies for instance, or if (all heavens forefend) the Reavers came back for some reason, it could come in real handy to be able to get somewhere else in a hurry.

It was some moments later that she heard River's movement and felt her friend's lithe fingers touch her forehead, moving aside a bit of her hair. Kaylee opened her eyes and saw River's dark brown eyes looking to hers from the side of the tub she'd made. "No falling asleep." River admonished softly.

Kaylee laughed. "Aye, aye, Captain River."

"A captain without a ship's no captain at all, according to conventional maritime wisdom." River pointed out is a soft and also lackadaisical voice, gently smoothing her hand through Kaylee's hair again. She seemed bemused somehow.

"Says the woman sitting in a ship." Kaylee joked.

"Not mine." River denied. "Ours now, until Inara gets back."

Kaylee was silent, the reminder of their absent friend, likely lost to Reavers, putting a damper on her mood some.

"Don't be sad?" River beseeched her kindly.

Kaylee made an effort to smile for her. "I'll try not to be."

"Tried and true, that's the crew of the Serenity.'' River smiled a small smile back.

Kaylee laughed in spite of herself. "You say the darnedest things, you do... but you always seem to know how to make me smile, don't you?" Kaylee asked back with growing affection.

"It's not hard." River pointed out. "Serenity told me the first time we met: there's a treasure of smiles inside you Kaywinnet Lee Frye. You give them away too easy, that's why there are so many." River traced her fingers down the one of Kaylee's cheeks lightly, before withdrawing her hand and blinking.

Kaylee felt a shiver of something go through her at the touch. "Got a way with words too, I see." Kaylee said a little self-conscious and flustered for some reason.

A smile spread over River's lips. "I made you nervous, didn't I?" She said it like she'd uncovered a secret and was happy in the victory of it.

"I'll make you something, you don't cut it out." Kaylee said back jokingly.

"Promises, promises." River brushed it off and raised herself up on her knees. "I need to wash you now, and I should start with your hair. You were smelling a fright previous to this, I'll have you know." She informed her matter-of-factly, retrieving one of Inara's specialty soaps to start the task.

And suddenly, Kaylee was flustered again, but she quickly shook herself out of it and told herself to relax. River's hands started to work shampoo into her hair then, massaging her scalp with a caring that was almost sensual... and, all the sudden, relaxing became downright easy to do. It felt blissful in fact, really it did. "Your hands are magic." She complimented River, feeling dreamy.

River didn't reply, apparently too absorbed in her task.

Kaylee closed her eyes and let River go about her ministrations. When River was done with her hair, she moved on to her shoulders and back, and that was its own special kind of happiness. It was as much as massage as it was washing, which Kaylee was in no way complaining about... As River was pressing her thumbs into her midback though, Kaylee took in a breath and noticed something, a scent... very faint, and it took her pleasure-saturated mind a moment to register that it was something she needed to be concerned about, that it was something she recognized...

"Ohmygosh." Kaylee bust out in a surprised whisper, her eyes flying open. " _River, the ship's burning!_ " She exclaimed, sitting up straighter.

Kaylee turned to River and saw her friend searching the room with her gaze, sniffing the air as she did. No smoke was visible, but still. "You're right, I think the demons are back." She confirmed, her voice and manner turning focused as she got up to her feet.

Kaylee made to try to get out of the tub, but her ribs weren't bound up as they usually were and it quickly became apparent that she wouldn't be able to manage it on her own. "River, help me up?" She asked.

"No. You stay here. Stay safe." River instructed distractedly. Having found a fire suppressor canister, she darted across the room to a hatch and crouched down.

"River, no, wait... You shouldn't- We need to-" Kaylee called, thinking they should be playing it safe and getting the heck out of here or something. Not that she knew what they'd do in the middle of the woods without a shuttle to live in or anything, but...

But River was ignoring her, opening the hatch. She slid her body down into it, disappearing from sight even as smoke started to come up into the room from the opened hatch. _"River!"_ Kaylee cried, starting to panic at seeing her friend disappear like that, but it was no use. She couldn't do anything, trapped as she was...

All she could do was watch the hatch with increasing worry. She was swearing at herself inside for being so useless and praying to whomsoever would listen that River would be alright. A fire—any fire—aboard ship was nothing to laugh off, after all... They had a way of getting out of hand when you least expected. Flames hit something active? Caught the engines or the fuel wrong? Well, that could be the end... for the shuttle, and for her and River both...

At length though, she heard coughs and saw River emerge from down below, face, arms, and clothing dirty with soot and sundry. River hoisted herself out and lay on her back. "Kaylee?" River asked blankly.

"Yeah?" Kaylee replied blankly, her heart still racing, and nothing really adding up in her head quite yet.

"I think I need a bath." She lamented.

Kaylee started to giggle at that, the relief rushing through her making it more funny to her than it actually was.

* * *

Don't ever be afraid to laugh for joy, all of you. Next time: _~ PARADISE ~_

 


	6. Paradise

Part 2: Quiet Moments 

**Chapter 6: ~ PARADISE ~**

* * *

It was three weeks and three days later now, and, as of two days ago, River had pronounced her all but fully recovered from her crash injury. River still said she shouldn't push herself too much, and Kaylee still felt the echoes of former aches every now and again. River had been a darn good doctor all the way through, too... a darn good friend. She was more than grateful.

Today, as yesterday, Kaylee was in the bowls of the shuttle, looking over things and feeling worse and worse for the chances of their shuttle flying again... It wouldn't. Too much of the infrastructure was damaged from the crash, and she really wouldn't like to trust her life to the fuel converter, not in the shape it was in. When they'd landed, they'd been in a spin. To save their lives, River had angled their impact so the starboard stern side of the shuttle took the brunt of the impact. It had to have been a precision targeted impact, Kaylee'd slowly begun to realize as she'd checked things out. River'd angled their impact so the strong points in shuttle's structural support would be used to maximum effect. The impact had been rough on the shuttle, but comparatively easy on the two people inside it, while also, happily, not damaging anything that would have made the shuttle explode and kill them in a fiery ball of death. Still, the impact had damaged the engines, bent and warped solid metal in too many places. 

The shuttle's power grid was working, but it couldn't carry that power to engine ignition. The engines weren't so much structurally sound anymore either, and, well, that fuel converter... She'd really like to have a replacement for that fuel converter, rather than try to repair it. Using every dirty mechanic's trick she knew she might— _might_ —just be able to get the shuttle flying again, but, sad to say, the chances that they'd make it safely to Opal city or anywhere else without crashing or dying in one of those fiery balls of death she'd mentioned previously ranged from just plain awful to utterly and completely hopeless... No, if she was going to get their shuttle in the air again as anything more than a flying death trap, she'd need more than just the small tool kit and the few spare parts she had with her. She'd need access to a halfway decent ship's repair yard.

Which was all very unfortunate, of course, though not terrible. It wasn't as though a working shuttle could get them off planet. Serenity's shuttles were strictly short range transport and didn't have engines capable of interplanetary distances. Still, it would be nice to be a bit more mobile. If the Reavers came for them, a working shuttle might save them, but she didn't hold out all that much hope in that regard. More practically, it would have been nice to have had the option to get back to Opal city or to one of the homesteads without a long hike, if and when they started to hurt for supplies. She still hoped for rescue, of course, but it would be foolish to expect it, really... In any case, the shuttle wouldn't fly, so it was all a moot point anyway.

That wasn't to say she'd been wasting her time the last couple days. No, there was the matter of finally having been able to personally inspect the shuttle's systems for herself to consider. After the _demons' nest_ incident, she'd talked River through inspecting and repairing the ship's power grid, as it applied to their habitation. To be on the safe side, they'd turned off the grid for a couple days while the repairs had been made. They'd made do with cooking fires to make their meals and heat water for baths, but, in the end, Kaylee'd been satisfied enough with River's reports back to her be comfortable with turning the power grid back on. It had worked just fine ever since, but that didn't mean Kaylee didn't relish the chance to see it with her own eyes at last.

She was finding herself impressed with River's repairs, and the clear grace and skill it must have taken to make them. It was clean, careful, meticulously precise work. She could hardly have done better herself, actually. All that had been left for her to do was some general maintenance and to start work on repairing the ship's data net—not something that was particularly urgent, but, for a number of reasons, it would be nice to have access to the ship's comms and database. That would be the work of days yet though. Not something she could finish right now.

She lay back, confident, at least, that they'd have a shuttle with a working power grid for as long as they were stranded here and could continue harvesting solar energy for power, and she pondered things. River, mostly. They were friends again, if they'd ever really stopped being... She hoped they hadn't. It had just... River made her feel things, even now. It was this... feeling of being unmoored, so completely unmoored. She'd gone from a peaceful life on Isis, to bumming around space for a few months, aimless in the wake of Dey's passing, to finding a new place to belong on Serenity... She'd fit there, really fit, and that had been a darn good feeling.

Now, here she was, land-bound all over again, just her and River... It wasn't just that she'd been wrenched away from the place she'd found for herself though. River, she... she unsettled her, in this very particular way. It wasn't a bad feeling, exactly, and most of the time she could ignore it, but it was there, and... at times like this, she couldn't help wondering over that.

River herself, she had to feel that way all the time, Kaylee guessed. Unmoored? Cast adrift? She'd have to. What Simon had saved her from? However it was that her parents had failed her? What those tyen-sah duh UH-muo from the Alliance had done to her? She still didn't have the full story on any of it, but... here River was with her, cast off by happenstance away from anything she knew, yet again. Her brother, the one person who'd stood for her, was out there in the dark beyond her reach, and her not knowing if he was alive or dead... Yeah, River had it worse than her, she'd have to be a fool not to see that...

It just made her want to be there for her friend all the more though.

There was a lot of unknown here. The future? The yet still unknown fate of their shipmates on Serenity? What would be next for them, if rescue never came? Yeah, a lot of unknown and not many options left to their names besides... The two of them though, they'd kind of... started to build a life together here though, hadn't they? And... it was turning out to be a good one, wasn't it? Happy... or, as happy as they could be, all things considered.

River was, well... fun—probably the most fun person to be around she'd ever met, in fact. Or, most of the time she was anyway. Whenever her spirits started to flag, River was always there to cheer her up or hear her out. Even just sitting by the water and not talking for a while, or lying in bed together waiting to go to sleep. They just had the one big bed, so they did do that... sleep next to each other. It was nice. Peaceful. Good. It was... It was important, you know? Having someone?

She didn't think she'd realized that fully up til now. Even laying here like she was now though, she felt it. That strange precarious feeling that, if not for River, she'd be all alone. She'd had that feeling on Serenity sometimes, but it was never quite this... blatant... just how much she was and had been depending on other people, and now on just one other person... on River...

Maybe that's all it was, she told herself. That feeling she felt sometimes where River was concerned? Maybe it was just... fear...? Fear of what would happen if River were to ever... not be there one day for some reason...

Even with her ribs healed as they were, it was a deeply chilling thought.

But River _was_ here, and she had to have faith that that's the way it would stay. She thought about how things were between them, and how they had been back on Serenity. They'd clicked, right from the first time they'd laid eyes on one another they had. River had been a strange, beautiful addition to her life. She'd had a sister, back on Isis, and that's kind of how River had started to feel to her at some point, hadn't she?

Her sister, Ilann... After Dey's death, with Ilann still happily married to the woman she'd fallen in love with, it just hadn't felt like there wasn't a place for her there anymore. Once upon a time though, Ilann had been so much a part of her life it had felt like... well, kind of like it did now with River, like they were the only two in all the worlds. Some days, out walking the fields, or out exploring the wilds together, it had felt a lot like this, in fact. So... in a way, being here on Opal with River? It was almost like coming home full circle to her... Except it wasn't, of course. Just... some days if felt like it...

It was a kind of magic, really. This feeling? Maybe it was all in her head, but it... felt good to feel this way again. Really it did.

She felt guilty for that sometimes, actually. Thinking that Inara, Simon, Zoe, the captain and the rest could all be dead, and with the entire population of the colony world they were stranded on besides, and here she was, happy somehow despite it all...

River poked her head in just then. "Has the expedition met with any luck?" She asked her.

Kaylee smiled, her troubled thoughts all instantly banished by the sound of River's voice. "Only if you mean the kind that's backwards and ornery." Kaylee answered. "Lost cause for sure, I'm thinking. What're you up to?" She asked. "You got a look."

"I always look, except when my eyelids interfere, of course." River bantered back. "That doesn't matter now though. Come swim in the falling water with me? Please?" She asked hopefully.

There was a waterfall adjacent to the nearby lake, that's what she meant. They'd made the short trip out there about every day that it wasn't raining for a while now... It was a paradise, if ever there was one. Only in the last few days though, had Kaylee felt confident enough to do much more than float on the water for a while. "Sounds good to me." Kaylee decided with relief. She felt grimy and smelled of grease and the usual sundry ship's smells that came with being a mechanic, including the still lingering traces of soot from the fire of three weeks ago, so a wash sounded heavenly. "No sense dwelling on the lost cause that's become of our engines any longer, at any rate, so we might as well be enjoying ourselves instead... ni bu juede ma?" The thought of being out of where she was and in the fresh air under open sky again being a happy one to her about then.

"There's wisdom in that." River agreed. "Bijing, yitian zhi neng chixu henjiu." She spoke as she disappeared back out of the maintenance tunnel hatch.

Kaylee just shook her head a little and smiled fondly at River's usual antics, grateful all over again to have River here with her, and got herself tuned about in the small space so she could crawl her way out. Claustrophobes did not make good ship's mechanics, and that was a simple fact. When she poked her head out, she saw River packing up a picnic sack. "You're all full of useful things about you, you know that?" She asked, very appreciative.

"Better than a Swiss army, that's me." River said distractedly, packing things in some precise order it seemed.

"Who're these Swiss people?" Kaylee asked, curious. River had all kinds of curious things to say sometimes, and certainly all manner of curious ways to put them into words. Incurious people had very little chance of correctly comprehending River Tam, and that was another simple fact.

"Pacifists." River replied.

"Why do they need an army then?" Kaylee asked.

"It's a mystery." River told her brightly, tying up the picnic sack neatly and getting to her feet. "And mysteries are for fools and lonely philosophers who can't be bothered to learn how to swim properly."

"Well that's certainly true, at least." Kaylee admitted, smiling and catching the happy mood easily.

River walked over to her and touched her side. "It didn't bother you, crawling around down there in the ashes all morning?" She asked, running a finger down Kaylee's ribs experimentally.

Kaylee's skin tingled at the now familiar touch. "Only a little." She confessed. "Water'll help, though." She met River's eyes. "Thanks for asking."

"Asking's easy." River replied softly, holding her eyes without blinking. 

Kaylee swallowed. "What do you see?" She found herself asking, and for no reason that she could readily grasp at the moment.

"Right now, you mean?" River asked, curious.

"Mm-hmm." Kaylee confirmed, having decided to just go with it and see what would result.

"...Your eyes have sunlight in them. Endless fields and open sky. Ripples of memory, leading you here, to me." River told her, eyes warm, open, and full of simple honesty. "Why?" She asked, sounding just the slightest bit teasing, and just the slightest bit breathless. "What do _you_ see right now?"

Kaylee smiled a small, soft, fond sort of smile. "...Dances, poems, the best kind of laughter, waterfalls of course... my best friend, maybe?" She found herself answering, the words coming to her out of nowhere. They sounded true, though, she told herself, her heart fluttering a little in her chest all the sudden.

"Then... I think we have an understanding?" River said, kissing her lightly on the cheek, before turning and walking away towards the ship's hatch with the things she'd packed for them. River did that sometimes, just showed turned up or wandered off without any notice.

Kaylee touched her own cheek where she'd just been kissed and felt her skin heat just a little. "Hey! Wait up, you." She called after her, going and grabbing some of her things quick and heading out after River, telling herself it was nothing. Just fun.

River was standing out in the clearing around their ship waiting for her. Kaylee shook her head a bit and came up beside her. "If you wanted me to hurry, you could've just asked, you know?" She teased.

"This was more fun though." River told her logically, reaching out to take Kaylee's hand in hers. "Now, come on you. The lake's calling us, and we're already running late." River told her, all smiling and carefree.

" _Late_ , huh? And, according to who's schedule, exactly?" Kaylee bantered, falling easily in step beside her friend as they headed out towards the lake, their pace only a _little_ rushed.

"Fate, maybe? Or circumstance... Possibly, it's all my doing." River admitted.

"Possibly." Kaylee agreed, amused. "...Do you think our lake has a name? Probably she does." She mused, considering that the colonists must have had a name for it, or that they probably had at any rate. Maybe not, if no one ever came out this way. No way for her to know now, of course. It might be in the shuttle's data net, but she wouldn't know until she got it up and running again.

"You could give her another one?" River ventured. "I don't think she'd mind."

"Yeah? Okay, um... how about _Eleanora_?" Kaylee asked.

"It's pretty." River answered softly.

"Yeah, um, I always thought so too. It's from a story. _Eleanora of the Shimmering Wood_." Kaylee confessed, squeezing River's hand in hers gently, enjoying how the simple touch felt. It was a connection, maybe the best kind of one, she mused. They'd been doing it more and more as the days past, it seemed. Holding hands. And maybe it was only the natural reaction to being so alone out here. An entire world, all to themselves most likely. She kind of thought there was more to it, though.

"Tell it to me sometime?" River asked, as they walked. "While the sun sets, maybe?"

"Promise." Kaylee agreed, glancing up at the sky above as she thought about that story Ilann had shown her when they were young. It really was such a beautiful day. In a lot of ways, she was lucky. Lucky to be alive, for certain. Lucky River was her friend too, but also lucky to be somewhere this beautiful and to have nothing better to do than spend a day telling stories and swimming in a lake with the sun shining down on her. It didn't seem fair, really. All the people who'd died horribly, and she and River got this? Life didn't care about fair though, she knew that much. It cared about choices, and maybe about luck. This day was a treasure, and so was the woman holding her hand. She wasn't going to waste that. 

So they walked together through the woods to the river and followed its path to the small lake with the waterfall. It was only about twenty minutes walking, all told.

Once they reached the clearing, Kaylee watched as River found a spot to put the picnic sack down and lay out the blanket she'd brought along. Kaylee went over to join her, setting her own small burdens down. She sat cross legged and looked up to see River starting to take off her clothes to swim. Kaylee found herself staring a little, caught up in the sight somehow.

It wasn't the first time she'd seen River without her clothes, they'd both seen each other undressed a number of times by now. It wasn't as though they could bathe with their clothes on, after all. They had no bathing suites either. They could just use underthings, she supposed, but River'd said she preferred going without, and Kaylee hadn't really cared either way, so she'd gone along with it. River had a beautiful body, really... she did. It wasn't the first time Kaylee'd noticed. It wasn't the first time she'd looked just to look, either.

River caught her gaze then and their eyes met, a slightly questioning look in River's eyes that Kaylee found herself curious about. Not curious enough to actually ask after though, it turned out, so she just smiled. River returned the smile and held out a hand. Kaylee took it and stood. "Time to swim, I take it?" She asked, unnecessarily.

River nodded decisively. "Hurry." She prompted with faux urgency.

Kaylee shook her head a little, more at herself than at River's banter, doing as asked and quickly stripping out of her clothes.

She was just shimmying out of her shorts and underwear when she heard a soft splash behind her. She turned around and saw River's head and shoulders appear from under the water. She was smiling. "I win." She cheerfully declared.

"There wasn't a race, I'll have you know." Kaylee replied, strolling over in no hurry and sitting down on the edge of the lake, dangling her legs in the water.

"Oh, I know. That's why it was so easy to defeat you utterly." River told her breezily, swimming over closer, resting her hands on Kaylee's knees and looking up at her (on this stretch of the shore, it was a sheer drop into the water).

"Besides, I'm only just lately recovered from my injuries." Kaylee pointed out. "My doctor told me: I should be taking life easy for a while yet."

"Maybe." River allowed. "Still, it's okay to lose, you know." She comforted her playfully. "It's playing the game that's important, or so the wisdom says."

"And what game would we be playing exactly, if that's the case?" Kaylee bantered back.

"A very good question." River told her positively. "Make sure to let me know when you figure it out, shi?"

Kaylee swallowed at that, feeling that fluttery feeling again somehow. "Um, yeah, shi... wo hui." Kaylee told her, feeling unaccountably self-conscious about the whole thing all of the sudden.

"Hmm. I like it when you're flustered like this, ni dong?" River told her, gazing up at her, her eyes dancing a little, and looking quite content about it.

Kaylee giggled a little nervously. "River, come on."

"No, you come on." River countered, dipping down and disappearing under the water in a blink.

Kaylee felt a gentle tugging at her feet then and she started a little, catching her breath.

River appeared again a few inches away, still holding one of her ankles and tugging on it again a little. "Youyong lai he wo yiqi?" She prompted.

Kaylee sighed and pushed off, slipping herself into the water with her friend, hardly making a sound. "There, happy?" Kaylee asked when she kicked up so her head was above water again.

"Yes." River replied positively. "Come on, follow me?" She further prompted, starting to swim backwards out into the lake.

Kaylee smiled and followed along. "Alright, just don't go too fast!" She called after her as River laughed and turned, swimming off, and, thankfully listening and not going too fast.

Kaylee caught up with her at the other side of the lake, just a little ways from the waterfall. "Come on!" River encouraged, gracefully diving to swim under the waterfall and get up on the rock ledge under it so some of the water was falling down over her body. Kaylee watched and saw how much River was smiling, dangling her legs forward and back, closing her eyes and tilting her head up to the sky. River blinked her eyes open and caught her staring then though. Their eyes met and she was a little dazzled by the feeling it gave her. It felt like they were a world unto themselves without a care... which, for the moment at least, was pretty much the truth of it, wasn't it? In any case, not to be out-done, Kaylee swam after River, under the waterfall. She got herself up, with a hand offered and accepted from River, onto the rock ledge next to her. The water was pretty loud, so they couldn't talk and be heard. The fall wasn't too high though, so the water felt more like a massage than anything. It felt beautiful and relaxing and darn near perfect, really.

She felt River take her hand in hers again, and Kaylee squeezed her friend's hand back, turning so their eyes met. River's smile was contagious, like it always seemed to be. She really seemed to have come alive, out here away from everything, in a way Kaylee wouldn't have quite expected. She was still the same old River Tam of course, just more... relaxed, more carefree somehow—like she'd gotten a glimpse of on the ship a few times, but even more so. She'd noticed it before now, of course, just, right this second, it was so very clear to her... River was just so completely... beautiful...

River reached over and touched her cheek. Just a small touch, and their eyes met again... Their gazes held for long moments, and Kaylee swallowed. Her heart was beating fast, and she wanted... something... But, then River was pulling her hand away and slipping off the rock ledge, pulling Kaylee by the hand down with her into the water. It happened so fast, the move so graceful, Kaylee hardly even had time to really be surprised by it and then it was happening.

It was a jumble of rushing water pushing them down to the lake floor, but it wasn't frightening so much as thrilling. River held her hand all the way through, and Kaylee felt nothing so much as trust—trust, joy, and wonder. She kept her hold on River's hand and kicked along after her as River led her back up. They both dissolved into exultant laugher upon breaking the surface.

After a few moments though, their gazes met again, and they came back to silence. They were so close. Kaylee felt kind of... overwhelmed, really. By what, she couldn't say.

"Um, that was fun an all, but... don't think I won't pay you back." Kaylee warned in a halfheartedly soft voice in reference to having been pulled into the water without warning, only having said it to have something to say.

"Oh, I wasn't thinking that at all." River told her in all innocence. "But I think I'll look forward to it, nonetheless." She said, her words meaningful in a way that had Kaylee's breath catching all over again.

"Right, um, well... Let's go back to shore, hao de? I'm... I'm feeling kinda worn out, tellya the truth." Kaylee admitted.

"Hao de." River took her hand again. "Come on... We should go eat anyway, shouldn't we? The day is escaping us, even though I wish it wouldn't." She tugged her along again a little before letting her go so they could both use both hands for swimming.

Wordlessly, Kaylee followed her back and watched as River got up on shore first and helped her up. "Thanks." Kaylee offered, feeling self-conscious again and wishing she at least understood why.

"You're welcome." River told her simply as she helped Kaylee to her feet. "Lai ba, women qu yecan." She prompted, backing away and tugging Kaylee along by the hand, a smile coming to her lips.  

"Yeah, okay." Kaylee agreed, following along obediently, her nerves thankfully settling a little. 

She really was feeling tired though, it hadn't just been an excuse, so she was glad to dry off with a towel, put her clothes back on, sit down, and get off her feet.

River, dry and also dressed but with still damp hair, came over to sit on the picnic blanket with her, industriously setting about laying out the food and drinks for them. "Here, drink." River prompted, handing Kaylee a canteen of iced tea.

"Xiexie, wo hen ganji." She said

"Bie keqi." River replied automatically, voice peaceful, as Kaylee took a sip of tea, closing her eyes in a moment of appreciation.

She opened her eyes and let herself watch River for a few moments. She found herself unaccountably fascinated by the way River's damp hair framed her face. She reached up with one hand and touched her own still damp hair, her thoughts drifting. Her hand dropped and she took another sip of tea, feeling self-conscious. She looked down at her canteen then, a little confounded by herself.

They sat in silence for long moments as Kaylee rested and River prepared their meal. They shared glances and River smiled to her once in a way that had Kaylee's mind going in circles all over again. As she sat though, Kaylee felt her energy start to return to her and her thoughts start to clear.

"All done." River said happily.

"You're a marvel, have I told you that today?" Kaylee asked, skooching forward a few inches to get closer to the food.

"Not out loud, but I do suspect that you've been thinking it every now and again." River told her a just a little smugly.

Kaylee giggled. "Well, it's true all the same. Thank you." She told her.

River grinned. "You're very welcome." She told her, tossing her an orange. They'd found a couple orange trees a while back.

Kaylee sighed. "You do love me, don't you?" She bantered back. River had declared the oranges priceless treasures at one point.

"With all my heart, yes I do." River said, her voice sure, lyrical, and matter-of-fact as she started to snack on some of the salmonberries. The main dish today was a salad River'd made from foraged greens and nuts.

"Yeah, well... um, likewise, okay?" Kaylee told her, realizing that she did kind of mean it. River felt as much like family to her by this point as her sister ever had, there was no denying that.

* * *

If there really isn't a race, how else can you tell who the winners are? Next time: _~ STORYTELLER ~_ (it's extra long, bring snacks)

 

Chinese translations for this chapter:

"tyen-sah duh UH-muo" = "goddamn monsters"

"ni bu juede ma?" = "don't you think?"

"Bijing, yitian zhi neng chixu henjiu." = "A day only lasts so long, after all."

"shi" = "yes"

"wo hui" = "I will"

"Youyong lai he wo yiqi?" = "Come swim with me?"

"hao de?" = "alright?"

"Lai ba, women qu yecan." = "Come on, let's go have a picnic."

"Xiexie, wo hen ganji." = "Thanks, I'm grateful."

"Bie keqi." = "You're welcome."


	7. Storyteller

Part 2: Quiet Moments 

**Chapter 7: ~ STORYTELLER ~**

* * *

Back in the clearing around the shuttle that night, Kaylee found herself sitting out on a blanket in the grass with River again. They were watching the sunset together, sharing a blanket over their shoulders, a second blanket on their laps, and some hot tea.

"So... Once upon a time," Kaylee began, having agreed to tell River the story of Eleanora of the Shimmering Wood "way back in the before time lost to all memory but song and myth, lived a beautiful maiden—Eleanora was her name."

"Mmm, good introduction. You're a good storyteller, you know?" River murmured, sounding content. "You have a beautiful voice, a way with words that wraps me up to listen to every time..." She confessed, sounding just a little shy in the saying of it.

"Yeah? Then... thanks." Kaylee said softly, privately quite pleased with the complement. River hadn't said as much before, only that she liked her stories and liked listening to them. This was just her, keeping up the tradition though, trading stories at sunset. Sometimes, like now, they were story stories, other times they were shared memories. It was her turn tonight. River'd gone last time, telling the story of a girl who'd run away and joined the circus. It'd been very funny, and, Kaylee'd gotten the feeling, maybe a little too much intended as an allegory for River's experiences aboard the Serenity. "Um, you too." She offered, thinking that was certainly true. She loved listening to River talk and tell stories... even if her friend did sometimes get wrapped up in tangents. Maybe even _because_ she did and it was so darn cute how her face looked when she got all caught up in runaway diligence and creativity like she did sometimes...

"You think so?" River asked happily.

"Shi, of course." Kaylee told her, voice soft, feeling maybe a little shy herself, actually.

"...Well, that's good then." River said, still a little shy too, but also still happy. "Do you think I'm going to like the story? About this Eleanora person, I mean?" River asked, sounding content again, the way she usually did around this time, at the end of a full day's activities.

"I guess so." Kaylee pondered. "It's not exactly typical though, I have to warn you. My sister's kind of eccentric about literature and things. She likes stories that make you think... Morality plays and the like, you know? She also liked to try to write zen koans in her free time at one point, so..." She trailed off, her mind going back to a time when she'd been River and Ilann'd been her, the two of them sitting on a cliff's edge one night when they'd been camping together. Ilann'd told her this story then, from a book she'd read. Ilann always liked legends and old myth. They'd been sitting pretty much just like she and River were now. Of course, then Ilann'd had a library pad to read from, and, since this wasn't one Inara'd had stored on hers, here Kaylee just had her own memory. The story had always stuck with her though for some reason, so she didn't think she'd have trouble remembering it well enough to do a passable job telling it. It kind of did remind her of her and River's situation now, actually. It was a little spooky to think about, really. "She likes to say that farmers always make the best philosophers."

"I think I'd like your sister." River mused. "I hope I get to meet her one day." She told her.

"Yeah, I'd um, I'd really like that—to introduce the two of you one day. You'd like her wife too." Kaylee smiled to herself, thinking about Chelsea Issacs, and how good she'd always been for her sister. "Especially her sense of humor. She has a way of catching you off guard with it." She remembered of Chelsea. She'd already told River all about Ilann and Chelsea, and the rest of her family by now, of course. One thing they didn't lack for presently was time to talk.

"Like finding a family of ocelots have taken up residence in your bedroom unexpectedly, you mean?" River asked innocently, sounding for all the world like she was only just curious if it were so.

Kaylee was surprised into a chuckle. "Yeah, precisely." She said, quirking a happy smile and internally treasuring how it made her feel.

"Then I'm sure we'd get along just fine." River said, a playful smile on her lips.

"Oh, the cleverness of you, Peter Pan." Kaylee teased, bumping her shoulder lightly.

River broke down into giggles.

"What?" Kaylee asked, delighted by River's happiness, but not getting the joke.

River looked up at her, pointed, touching the tip of Kaylee's nose with her pointing finger just lightly. "You're Tinker Belle." She accused simply, playing it off as if the matter were grave indeed.

Kaylee quirked an amused smile. "You know? I guess I am at that." She admitted, giggling a little herself at the realization.

River sighed, leaning against Kaylee's shoulder again. "That was a fun segue." She said.

"It was, wasn't it?" Kaylee bantered back, delighted all over again. 

"Tell the story now?" River asked, reaching over to hold Kaylee's hand.

"Mm, right." Kaylee agreed, squeezing River's hand gently and smiling softly to herself, pleased. "So, in a house all of stone on rocky a hill, far into the wilds of the world, she lived." She continued the story, deliberately adopting her storyteller's way of speaking and trying to do it with a little extra flare. After what River'd said of her talent as a bard, she felt the need to try just that much more at it, so she could feel she lived up to the praise. "Eleanora of the Standing Stones, they called her, for around her home stood pillars of stone, carved in marks to bless all those within sight, and around her hill, around her stones, there was a town. The town also was called Standing Stones. Those stones, the ones around ringing Eleanora's home, were said to call down the blessings of the heavens, of the two goddesses, Artemis and Demeter, with whom Eleanora's ancestor, Gwenowyn, had bargained with for protection. Those blessings were Eleanora's legacy, and it was only she who could call them down once every full moon eve, renewing the promise and ensuring her people's protection and safety. 

"The stories said that Gwenowyn, and her wife Genevieve, had led their people though the forests and over mountains to Standing Stones long ago. For in those dark times, human kind had feared the forests and the moonlit night, and they'd called those who followed the goddesses of the woods and the moon cursed. Gwenowyn's people had been driven out everywhere they went. Sometimes even they'd been cut down by blades, beaten by fists, or bloodied unto death by stones. That was, until, one night, Gwenowyn was saved by a dryad named Coryn, one of Demeter's children, and the two fled into the woods and, bloodied and full of sorrow for her people's miseries, Gwenowyn prayed to her goddesses by a moonlit lake. Her prayers were answered, or so the story said, and so here they were...

"But, with time, history becomes story and story becomes myth, more tradition than belief. So it was that many in Standing Stones said that Gwenowyn's tale was only that: a tale and nothing more. For who among the living had ever seen the proof of Artemis in the moonlight, or seen the proof of Demeter in the forest surrounding their town? Some still believed, most still prayed at the temples, and all attended Eleanora each month on full moon's eve. The legend said that all must attend, lest the promise of worship Gwenowyn had made be broken. But there was no one who claimed to have any proof. For when in memory had the goddesses shown themselves to their followers on a whim? For when in memory had the woman of the stones ever failed to stand for them? When had the people of Standing Stones ever failed to attend her? Not ever, not once... 

"Not, that was, until Eleanora, spurned in love and made to feel to the fool... did. 

"She'd heard the whispers, you see, and then she'd seen it—seen Cassandrin, the man she loved, in the arms of Marin, whom all agreed to be the most beautiful girl in all of Standing Stones. So strong of will was Eleanora though, that she'd never thought she'd need anyone to offer comfort, and certainly she had no friends or family that she'd trust to pour out her heart to. Too proud by far, they all said. And so, when the time came, faced by the expectant stares of all the town—all of whom, she was sure, must know her shame—she found she couldn't stand for them for one second more. She broke the bowl upon the ground, there for all to see, and let the blessed water bleed into the earth. She called them all fools and told them to go home and let her be." Kaylee told the story.

"Loneliness can be a hard thing to bear sometimes, when you lose your faith..." River commented softly.

"Yeah, I guess it really can..." Kaylee answered, thinking privately that sometimes it could be the other way around though. Sometimes, when life hurts you badly, it can feel like the company of loved ones is harder to bear than loneliness could ever be... Whether that was really true, or whether she'd just been a coward about it, she was far from sure about, even now.

"Life is a war though, and love is always the prize. Only the brave fight hard, and only the clever have a chance of winning. That being the case, the trick is, I think, to aspire towards both virtues at once." River mused to her.

Kaylee let out a breath. "You think that's what we are, then? Brave and clever?" She had to ask of the fact that they were still alive and happy, when so many others hadn't been near so lucky.

"Shi." River said. "I hope so."

Kaylee thought about Inara then, and how she must have died, and she shivered. "Hardly seems like a right way to live, now does it?" She found herself saying, thinking how much better it would be if people could just let each other be, could just respect each other their differences. Of course, then there'd still be Reavers and rockslides and any number of other sad turns of events, wouldn't there? Still, in the more friendly and reasonable alternate reality of her fancies, those would be the exceptions, rather than the rules, now wouldn't they? In that reality, people would all band together to protect each other from things like Reavers, they'd share what they had so anyone who went out hiking would have the best equipment and aide would never be far away, they'd do all kinds of sensible things like that and everyone would be the better off for it...

"Maybe not." River allowed, snuggling up to Kaylee a little more, squeezing her hand gently in a show of empathy and comradery. "But, for now at least, we don't have to worry about any of that. That's a blessing to be grateful for, isn't it?"

Kaylee smiled a little to herself. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right about that, huh?"

"Mm." River said. "...I interrupted the story though. Keep going?" She asked.

"Yeah, um, okay..." Kaylee agreed, remembering where she was in the tale and summoning up her storyteller's voice once more. "...So, Eleanora's people, they dispersed back to their homes, and Eleanora went to bed that night, but she didn't find any peace there. She slept but fitfully, plagued by her dreams and her memories as she was. She wondered what was wrong with her, that Cassandrin hadn't wanted her. She remembered her fist love, Neri, and wondered again if it really had been all her fault they'd gone their separate ways. If she really wouldn't have been better off going with her when she'd been asked. She felt that bitter loneliness that she'd never really managed to shake all over again. She remembered the looks on the faces of the people of Standing Stones after she'd broken that stupid bowl. Some'd looked shocked, others betrayed, others condemned her, still others had been concerned for her... and some had even called her mad before they'd left, saying she'd doomed them all. They'd all left her though, left her there to her empty house. As she lay there trying to sleep, she cursed them one and all, and wished they really would all simply vanish and leave her be. Even still, eventually, she did manage to fall asleep...

"The next morning though, upon waking, better sense returned and she felt herself the fool all over again. Felt the depths of her foolery, and knew them to be deep and dark indeed. She wondered what she'd been thinking, to have made a scene like she had? She still felt wretched for her heartbreak, but her prideful fury had passed and she just felt embarrassed and ashamed. She wished yesterday had never happened, but she knew that it had. 

"She washed herself, got dressed, made her breakfast, and debated whether to hide away for a few days, hope her shame would fade a little in everyone's minds, or to just go and apologize and get it over with.

"As she procrastinated on the subject though, she got to noticing something: how very quiet it was.

"Unable to help herself, she walked outside and looked out over her town, or... where her town should've been. Beyond the hill and the ring of stones that encircled her home though, there was only a meadow, crossed by the river Gwenowyn (named for her ancestor) and surrounded by the forests of Demeter... No buildings, no people, no sign but her and her stones and her stone house that anyone human had ever lived here.

"Eleanora stood there for long minutes, before, at last, she sank to her knees and looked down at her hands in disbelief and growing despair, asking herself in a whisper _what have I done?_

" _Isn't it obvious?_ A voice answered her.

"She looked up and saw a man standing before her, where, before, there had been no one. _Cassandrin?_ She asked, recognizing the man she loved, the man who'd rejected her for another. His chest and legs bared, wearing only a skirt, and his skin and hair bathed in sunlight.

"He was beautiful, as he'd always been beautiful, but, now, somehow even more so.

" _You are forsworn, and we all pay the price._ Cassandrin told her, walking to her and kneeling before her. _But, you have what you wanted, do you not? You have me? For I certainly have no one else now._ He spoke, bringing his lips to Eleanora's in a kiss. 

"Dazed, Eleanora didn't think to question or resist, but accepted his kiss for how very good it made her feel.

"Her heart beating fast, she soon decided she didn't much care what was going on or how it'd happened, because she did love this man, did still want him for her own, more than anything. He'd been everything in life she'd wanted, hadn't he? ...So, when Cassandrin led her to her bed, she didn't resist, but welcomed him with joy in her heart. They made love long into the morning, and it was wonderful, better than she'd dared to dream. They let their passions free, until, finally, Eleanora fell asleep in her lover's arms, her desires satiated, her wish fulfilled, her mind and heart at peace. They spent the rest of the day lounging around in bed, Cassandrin bringing her food and drink, attending to her every desire, up to and including holding her in his arms as they fell asleep that night.

"She awoke the next morning to find Cassandrin had made breakfast for them. It was the perfect thing, a dream come true. Toast and honey, strawberries and cream—her favorites. They ate, and Eleanora was plaint, rarely daring to speak her thoughts. She didn't know what to make of what'd happened, and certainly didn't know what, if anything, she ought to be doing about it. Part of her was afraid that, if she did ask, if she did question, then Cassandrin would be taken from her as mysteriously as he'd been given to her. The other part of her, of course, knew that how she felt was wrong, more than wrong, because hadn't her happiness come at much too high a cost? She knew the goddesses must be doing this to test her or punish her for her betrayal somehow, and the thought of it wracked her with guilt, but also made her afraid...

"The legends said that that Artemis had the power to bring out your truest self—and more, that Demeter's power was to revel your heart's desires. Who was she, then? What did she want most in the world, she asked herself?

"She was the woman of stones who'd broken the bowl, she rebuked herself in answer. She was a jealous, selfish, prideful, wrathful woman who could find happiness in a man's arms, even at the expense of everyone else she'd ever known... If this truly was a test from the goddesses of her people, how could she hope to prove herself worthy when she'd already proven herself to be anything but?

"...Finally though, as the sun was setting that day, and Cassandrin again beckoned her to bed, she did manage to get up the courage to ask the question: _Where have they gone, Cassandrin? Do you know?_ Are you my test? She wanted to further ask. Are you my curse, or are you my blessing? She wanted to know. Wanted to know, but she had no courage left to ask.

" _I have the answer you want, my love._ Cassandrin told her. _And I'll tell you. You only have but to ask me twice more, and I will speak the words. Just know that, once you do? As soon as the words leave my lips, I will no longer be yours._

"So Eleanora didn't ask. She knew she should ask, but, even still, she couldn't bring herself to do it. So they lived together, in the house of the standing stones, and they were in love.

"Weeks past, turned into months, and, soon, Eleanora found herself growing heavy with her lover's child, and she was happy. Her child would be a girl, she knew that. All the women of her family only birthed girls. That was part of the bargain she'd broken when she'd broken the bowl—that there must always be a woman the standing stones to call down the blessings for her people, to stand and to guide, to be a priestess to her people. She'd thought that just another part of the legend, another story, she'd thought it just chance or a trait past down in her family for some other reason (after all, it was hardly as though other families didn't tend more towards boys or more towards girls in their birthings), but, of course, she knew now it had to be true. She still felt the guilt every day for what she'd done, but every time she looked at her lover, she remembered his warning and couldn't bear to say the words that would send him away.

"Before the day she'd broken the bowl, she never would have thought herself to be so selfish a woman, or so poor a priestess to her people. She had taken pride in her linage, in her mother and her grandmother and their belief in her. But her mother and grandmother were dead, and she and her aunt's family had never gotten on, had they? So, maybe her aunt had been right about her all along, she thought?

"Those thoughts didn't change anything for her though, not really. In the end, only her daughter growing in her belly could do that, it turned out. She still didn't ask the question she'd been afraid to ask, but, one day, worry for her daughter did lead her to ask Cassandrin a different question: _What will become of her?_ She asked. _What will become of our daughter?_

"And he answered her honestly. _Our daughter will grow into a woman one day, just as any child does,_ he told her in a gentle voice. _She'll grow into a woman, and we'll grow old and gray, just as any parents do. We'll die in our time, just as any mortals do, and she will be left alone... She'll live out her days here, until... one day, she'll die as well, just as any mortal would. Upon her death, with no woman of the stones left to stand for it, this place will fade, as all that's made by mortal hands will, at the last._

"The truth of that struck Eleanora like a knife to the heart, because she knew Cassandrin's words for the truth that they were. She'd known the truth he'd spoken for herself before she'd asked him the question in the first place, of course, but, having had him speak that truth out loud, she knew she couldn't pretend it away, not for much longer, at any rate...

"She didn't speak that other question, not right away, but, as the days passed and her daughter grew plump in her belly, so also did that question. That goddess damned question... So it was that, one night, in the twilight hours, lying in bed in her lover's arms... she asked: _Where have they gone, Cassandrin? Do you know?_ She asked.

"He didn't speak, and didn't look at her, and she knew he wouldn't—not unless, not until she asked him again. _Where have they gone, Cassandrin? Do you know?_ She asked the question that third and last time.

"He turned to her and smiled ... _They never left._ He told her. _But neither will you ever truly see them again, not until you do as your ancestor, Gwenowyn, did before you. Not until you seek out Artemis and Demeter and pray to them on your knees. Not until you ask their forgiveness and mend the bowl._ He explained, vanishing before her very eyes, blown away like morning's mist on the wind."

"Tricky." River murmured.

"Myths usually are." Kaylee agreed. "And so, flummoxed by the trickiness as she was... Eleanora cried. She cried and then she did what she'd been afraid to do all this time. She went to the alter stone in front of her home and she got to her knees and she prayed. She prayed until a tiredness overtook her and then, unable to do anything else, she curled up right there on the stones and fell asleep.

"She dreamt of a woman dressed in a gown made of moonlight standing in the middle of a lake in the night. She dreamt of taking her hand and walking on the water with her. She dreamt of sharing a kiss. She dreamt of Cassandrin on the shore, seeing them as they'd embraced. She dreamt of racing to him, only to find him gone, swallowed up in the darkness of the forest. She dreamt of racing after him, of being caught up in vines and hedges, and of a woman in shadow taunting her and telling her of her faults, telling her that she'd made her choice and that she'd never again find the man she loved because of it. She fell into pitying herself then, was tangled in the brush and fell to her knees, only to sink below the soil, falling into a darkness so deep she felt she might be forever lost to it.

"She wasn't though, of course. Instead, she soon found herself startled awake by a wet nose on her cheek. The nose belonged to a doe. 

" _And who are you, then?_ Eleanora asked, charmed, because who wouldn't be in that situation? But, of course, the doe didn't answer her. The forest animal only met her eyes steadily for one or two timeless-seeming moments, then she turned to wonder away towards the forest. Her heart in her throat, Eleanora somehow knew she had to follow the doe, so she got up and that's what she did. She followed, silent, as the doe lead her into the forest. She followed still, as the sun began to set. She followed still, even through the moonlit night, her belly aching with hunger and her unborn daughter's occasional dissatisfied squirming. She followed until, at the last, she came to a lake. It was the same lake from her dreams, and she found a woman standing there by the shore.

" _Hello?_ Eleanora spoke up. The woman turned to her, and she was beautiful—so beautiful she'd make your heart ache just to look at her, if just for the knowing that, at some point in the future, you'd have to look away. Eleanora remembered then how it had felt in her dream to be kissed by this woman, now as real as anything, and she flushed and couldn't speak, so caught in Artemis's regard was she.

" _Hello, my darling one, my breaker of bowls._ Artemis greeted her, an indulgent smile on her lips. _What would you have of me?_ She asked.

"But Eleanora could not speak, she could only swallow unspent words and step forward towards her. Artemis smiled a knowing smile. _Oh, I see. I am the boon you would have me grant, then? Not... anything else? Anyone else?_ She asked without judgment or guile.

"Eleanora gazed into her eyes and again thought of all the reasons she should tell her no, all the reasons she should be true, that she should stand... for her daughter, for Cassandrin, for her people, for her mother, and her mother's mother, and on back through the ages to long ago Gwenowyn... but, again, she found herself far too selfish for such things, and, in Artemis's presence, just as the legends said, too completely unable to be anything other than her truest self. Her daughter was hers, regardless, her thoughts told her. Cassandrin had left her twice over now, had he not? Had he even ever truly loved her, or had he only done so because she'd been made his only choice? Wouldn't he again pick Marin over her, even now, given the choice? So she shook her head. _Kiss me again, like you did before?_ She found herself asking, knowing that the question was all her own, and the only one she truly wanted to ask in that moment.

"Artemis's eyes grew dark and deep as the night's sky. As Eleanora gazed into them, she imagined she could see far and wide, every star that ever was or ever would be. And then she was in her goddess's arms and she was being kissed. All around her, the world became light. She closed her eyes, melting against Artemis's body, fitting against her as though that was where she had always been meant to be. Even with her eyes closed though, still there was light. She felt her depths stir with a wild, untamed yearning then, and she returned Artemis's kiss with a passion that soon eclipsed all else—all thoughts, all other emotions. She only knew that she was in a bed of light and that she needed this woman to love her, needed to love her, worship her, be with her, closer to her, inside of her, touching her, even as Artemis was giving her all of that and more...

"With Artemis, she lost herself. She had no memory, no doubt, no mortal care, and there was time everlasting. They made love for eternities, danced on the lake in the moonlight, flew across oceans faster than the winds, walked the heavens, and made their home together in a house there made of light. It was all any mortal could want, and more than any would ever know to dream.

"Then, one day, laying in their bed of light, as Artemis stroked her hair, gazed into her eyes, and sang poems woven just for her that were finer by far than any every mortal poet that ever was or ever would be could manage in all their days, it was then that Eleanora gasped. It was then she knew: her baby, her daughter, was being born.

"Artemis stayed with her, was midwife to her daughter, took away her pain, giving only comfort and peace in return, and placed the newborn girl in her arms to suckle at her breast. _She can be yours as much as mine. Will you have her?_ Eleanora asked her goddess lover.

"But Artemis shook her head, no. _She cannot be mine, for you aren't mine._ She told Eleanora.

" _Then... Then should I be your wife? Am I not your wife, for all that I love you as any wife would?_ Eleanora asked, her heart pleading with her lover to accept her and affirm her place with her.

"But Artemis only shook her head, no, once again. _You cannot be my wife, for you aren't mine._ She told Eleanora.

"And then Eleanora understood. _Because I broke the bowl?_ She asked, though she knew the answer.

"Artemis smiled, love and sadness in her eyes, and she nodded, yes.

" _I want to be._ Eleanora said. _I want to be yours again—with all my heart, I want it._ She told her, knowing that, if she'd ever truly meant any words passing from her lips, she meant these now.

" _Then be. Choose._ Artemis said.

"That word, that last word, it split the heavens and brought the light so bright and fierce in swallowed Eleanora up, and then she was standing at the alter again, in front of her mortal house on the stone hill, surrounded by a wilderness that used to hold a town. She looked down at her bare feet, dressed only in a simple gown of moonlight white, and she saw the bowl.

"Her baby in her arms, she set her child down in the cradle of the broken bowl and she prayed. She told Artemis of her love, her devotion, and she promised herself to her without reservation. When she opened her eyes, her hands clutched to her heart, she opened her palms out to the world and found she held a ball of moonlight. Her faith sure, she sat the light down next to her daughter and watched as the bowl began to mend itself.

"When it stopped half done though, she stared for long moments, uncomprehending, wondering if she'd been found wanting, because she knew her daughter couldn't have been, as all children were innocent. And then she thought of the dream, of the forest, and of the woman who'd taunted her and let her fall into the dark. _Demeter..._ She spoke the name, and knew why the bowl was only half mended. She'd given Artemis her faith, renewed the promise with her, but not so with her sister. Not so with Demeter.

"Shaky with apprehension and needing comfort, she took her daughter back up in her arms and sat there, closing her eyes and trying to think. She tried to hold it all in her mind: all that she'd had with Artemis. It was all there, but any time she tried to think of it in mortal terms, it wouldn't fit quite right. It was other. But it was an other she wanted, yearned to have again. No doubts, no guilt, no worries, just love, passion, joys and wonders never-ending... That's what Artemis had given her.

"What wouldn't she give to have that back again? What wouldn't she do to be Artemis's wife? ...Break a bowl and damn a village you were sworn to stand for? A guilty part of her asked. Would she do that again, to be Artemis's wife? As soon as she asked, she knew the answer: yes. She was still the same person, the same woman she'd been all along. Selfish... Though, perhaps less proud? Because she felt sure she would beg and pray on her knees all day long to be back in Artemis's arms, as she never would have for Cassandrin. Cassandrin, or Neri...

"Thoughts of her former lovers brought the guilt, once banished by Artemis, right back to her full force though. Looking down at her daughter, she asked the question: would I give her up? If that's what it took, would I give her up to have my goddess take me in her arms and bed me in our bed of light once more? The thought was a jarring stab of emotional pain that she couldn't face. Artemis would never ask me, she told herself instead... and nor would I want her if she did, she thought stubbornly, oddly glad to learn that perhaps not all her pride had left her after all.

"So, having found that strength inside her once more, she stood and turned, looking at the forest. Evening was falling, she realized. Soon, the sun would start to set. Soon, she thought, night would come. Fear ate at her at the mere thought. Was Demeter of the darkness, just as Artemis was of the light? The legends had never said...

"Still, her daughter cradled securely in her arms, she walked towards the forest, towards Demeter..."

Kaylee let her words trail off, felt River's hand in hers, and looked out at the woods. The night had almost fallen here in the real world too, hadn't it?

"You fear her too, is that it?" River's voice asked.

A small shiver went down Kaylee's spine at that. "...Demeter, you mean?" She asked.

"Mm. Do you think she could really be out there, and Artemis up above us in the night's sky?" River asked, looking up at that sky, her voice that of a stargazer's.

"...Who knows? Probably not though, right?" Kaylee qualified.

"Right." River said, the hint of a teasing smile in her words.

Kaylee shook her head. "Brat." There were still churches and temples to those old gods and goddesses. Some still did believe. Both Athena and Demeter did have real, present day temples in their names out there, even now, for their faithful to pray to them in. On Isis, where she'd grown up, she'd even gone to one of those temples, one to Demeter, with her sister and a few friends, for a harvest day's celebration once. Only one of her friends, Alisandra Kenny, had actually been a believer though, she and the other six of them had just gone because it was a party and Alisandra'd invited them. For her own beliefs, Kaylee'd always been more the _wait and see_ type.

"I'm not the one scared of the forest goddess in the trees." River pointed out reasonably.

Kaylee let out her breath in a sigh. "Fair point." She conceded, shaking herself out of it.

"I'm always fair, especially with flowers in my hair." River bantered back.

Kaylee giggled a little at the silly rhyme. River made silly rhymes sometimes, and Kaylee always liked them. 

River moved to lay down on the blanket, covering herself with the blanket they'd had in their laps, and laying her head down on Kaylee's lap. Kaylee wordlessly watched and let her, snugging the blanket they'd had around their shoulders around her more securely before letting her fingers start to stroke her friend's hair absently once they were both settled in. She swallowed at the easy intimacy and implicit trust this effortlessly natural little dance between them so clearly evidenced to her.

"...So, um, Eleanora was walking in the woods, carrying her daughter." Kaylee continued, watching River close her eyes in contentment. This wasn't the first time they'd been in this position with one another. She knew River wouldn't actually fall asleep though, not until the story was over and they were back in bed together. River didn't fall asleep easily, at least not most of the time. Too many thoughts in her head, Kaylee suspected. "The day went on and passed her by until all was dark and nothing looked safe." She told the story. "A chill started to come over the air. Her daughter, who'd fallen asleep at one point, woke and started to cry when her mother stumbled in her stride once too often.

"Her heart beating fast in her chest, Eleanora found her way to sitting against a nearby tree, opening her gown at the chest to offer her daughter milk. It comforted them both, but also made Eleanora realize all over again how hungry she was herself. She hadn't been, not when she'd been with Artemis. With Artemis, it had felt like nothing so much as that her whole body had been resculpted, made of living moonlight. She'd wanted for nothing when she'd been with Cassandrin either. He'd always provided for her... though, thinking back, she now did wonder exactly how he'd managed quite so well, without the town to provide for them.

"Thinking back, she started to wonder at the whole episode that had left her heavy with... She looked down at her daughter then and realized she hadn't yet given her a name. One more thing that should have been rote, should have been a common concern, but hadn't been.

" _There you are. Now you're starting to see, aren't you?_ A woman's voice spoke to her.

"Eleanora looked up at the words, but, instead of a woman, there was only another doe _...Demeter? ...Is it you?_ She asked, but the doe only regarded her silently. Somehow, she knew it couldn't be Artemis. After what they'd shared, Eleanora felt she'd know Artemis anywhere _...Cassandrin?_ She found herself asking next instead, though she couldn't say exactly what it was in the doe's eyes or bearing that made her ask the question.

"Then the doe changed, darkened, became a woman kneeling before her, dressed in night's dark shadows for a gown, her eyes glowing as a cat's, reflecting the moonlight. _Now, now._ Demeter told her, a teasing smile on her lips. _Didn't I warn you? You'll never see him again, not ever... It's not such a loss though, is it? It seems you've already guessed he was never real at all. Or, at least, only ever as real as I am, and I suppose I am in fact very real... Unless I have that wrong? Do I? Do you still think I'm... just a story? Just a silly tale, and no harm done foreswearing one of those... is there, my love?_ Her smile turned tender, turned familiar... but, in her eyes, Eleanora saw too the woman who'd taunted her in her dreams. She remembered the laughter, and the deep, deep dark of the forest at night that surrounded her even now. She remembered how it had swallowed her whole...

" _You..._ Eleanora spoke, accusation in the quiet word. _It was you, never Cassandrin at all. You are... You're my daughter's father, aren't you?_

"Demeter smirked. _Just so... May I hold her, my onetime lover? May I hold our daughter?_ She asked, a mother's vulnerability in her voice, but a father's entitlement there as well, and a goddess's majesty.

"Her heart hammering in her chest, guilt, shame, and fear gripping her heart again, Eleanora got up to kneeling and did as she was asked, handing her daughter to Demeter, too cowed and afraid not to obey. _Be careful with her. She's... she's still so small._ She pleaded to her goddess, her onetime lover, her daughter's father, somehow knowing that she was completely at Demeter's mercy.

"Demeter, though, only took their daughter and cradled her to her breast with the care any good mother would show. She sat down before Eleanora on the ground, and Eleanora sat back down too. Relieved, she felt her fear begin to recede again. _I... haven't named her yet._ She found herself admitting to the woman before her, struck by how right the scene before her seemed. If she hadn't known it before, she would have known it now to look at them, that Demeter truly was her—their—daughter's father. It felt intimate, the two of them sitting here like this, so close Eleanora could easily reach out and touch her, if she dared. _Would you like to? Name her... I mean?_ Eleanora asked hesitantly. She wanted to please this woman, she realized, as any woman would want to please a lover... A part of her wanted to worship her as well, because isn't that what you were expected to do with a goddess? She'd certainly wanted to do both where Artemis had been concerned... She still wanted that, wanted to be with Artemis again, but, it was dawning on her that she also felt very similarly towards Demeter somehow.

"Demeter looked up to her and smiled a guileless smile, full of sunny days, gentle breezes, and blooming flowers. She shook her head though. _That's for you to do, I think. Wait. I'm sure inspiration will come in due time._ She told her gently. _But, tell me, why have you come to me? Is there a bowl you wish to mend, or... is it me that you desire, as you did my sister? Would you have me in your bed again, perhaps as a woman this time? Not that I'd be averse to bedding you as a male again. Far from it._ She smirked a little, in a way that had Eleanora's heart beat quickening in her chest. _I've sworn never to show myself to you as Cassandrin as I once did, but there are other men I could be for you?_ She asked, her body becoming a male version of the woman she'd been so far. Eleanora's breath caught, remembering the man she'd thought to be Cassandrin... remembering Demeter's touch as a man. She remembered Artemis's touch though too, and their bed of light, and she felt conflicted. _Or, perhaps you would prefer me like this after all?_ Demeter asked, becoming the woman again.

"Eleanora swallowed. _Either, both... you._ She confessed, unable to do otherwise. Her desires were laid open for this woman, this goddess whom she'd so foolishly forsworn in her selfish pride. She wanted Artemis, wanted to be her wife still, but neither could she deny her desire for this woman, who was Artemis's sister, and, some thought, her dark opposite.

"Demeter smiled, charmed by the words. _But... I'm not all you want, am I, my sweet, egger lover?_ She asked.

"Eleanora had to shake her head, no. _I want to be Artemis's wife..._ She confessed.

" _But, not mine?_ Demeter asked, teasing, but also sounding a little hurt.

"Eleanora shook her head. _Yours too._ She admitted softly, ashamed.

"Demeter smiled, the darkness back in her eyes. _You really are so very selfish at heart, aren't you? Do you even care about any of them at all? That village of yours that I took from you?_ She asked.

" _You...? You were the one who took them?_ Eleanora asked. _You never said: where are they? What did you do with them...? Are they... dead?_

"Demeter shook her head, no. _I told you before: they never left._ She said, sounding annoyed, and maybe a little hurt as well, though it was hard for Eleanora to tell for sure.

" _But what does that mean?_ Eleanora asked her plaintively.

"Demeter shook her head, no, again. _A bargain then? If you answer my question first, I will answer yours next: Do you care about them, my love? Do you care even a little?_

" _...I'm not my mother._ She found herself saying. It was something she'd never talked about with anyone except once, with Cassandrin, the real Cassandrin. She'd done that, opened her heart to him, thought he saw her, wanted her, but he never had as it'd turned out, not really. She'd never talked about things like that with Neri... Maybe that had been the problem there, actually, that they hadn't talked as much as they should have...? _Everyone loved her._ She confessed. _She was so proud of me though, my mother. So I was proud too: to be like her, to do what she'd done. When she died... I kept her pride in me in my heart, close to me, to warm my soul when nothing else could, but the truth is... I was never like her at all. They never loved me—never even saw me, I think... The only real reason I have to care for them, the only one that feels true, is that I still do want to make my mother proud, or at least I want to feel like I'm still someone she would be proud of, if she still lived. I want to prove she was right to have that kind of faith in me, but... I guess the bigger truth is... that she wasn't right to believe in me at all, was she? Because they don't really matter to me, not really._ She admitted in a small, ashamed voice. _Why should they? Why shouldn't I be selfish? Why shouldn't I want to be happy?_ She asked, finding that she really did want to know if there was an answer. _Am I a bad person, do you think? For wanting that... for wanting you? You and your sister both?_ She asked, her voice a shameful whisper. In love with two women, two goddesses, at once... She felt disloyal to both, and she wondered: just how much a fool must she be to have let it happen?

"Demeter smirked. _I'm hardly the one to ask, love. I've always been far more selfish than not..._

" _You... have?_ Eleanora asked.

" _What, haven't you noticed? I've played you false all along_ , the smirk came back – _well, perhaps not all along. I did very much enjoy being your lover, after all, and I was honestly very unhappy when you sent me away... but, I've played games with your heart nonetheless, haven't I? So maybe I deserved it, that you rejected me as you did? I've tricked you, scared you, and laughed for your fright, and for no more reason than that you chose a question over me. I stole your people away from you, those people you don't care enough about to protect, and I made of them all my children. Look around you: the birds, the deer, the rabbits of the field? They are what we've made of them, aren't they? And they haven't a care, because I don't have a care, not for anyone of anything I don't want to... So, yes, we're very much alike, don't you think?_

" _Maybe we are..._ Eleanora had to confess.

" _Oh, well and truly we are. So much so that I think you'd make me an absolutely perfect sort of wife... well, either that, or we'd be perfectly terrible for one another, I really don't know which._ She laughed a little at herself, meeting Eleanora's eyes. _That doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy trying it anyway?_ She prompted her teasingly. _Chose me, and we can find out?_ She asked.

" _...Choose you?_ Eleanora asked.

"Demeter nodded. _Let the bowl remain half mended, let your people stay with me. I'll keep them safe and content, I promise I will..._ She pledged. _Stay with me, here in my forest. We'll raise our daughter together, and be a family. I'll be a woman for you one day, or a man the next—you'll have but to ask._ _We could be so good for one another, I think..._ She looked down at their daughter for long moments, then up at the canopy of trees.

" _My realm can break your heart with its beauty just as easily as any moonlit heaven or starlit ocean._ Demeter boasted, and, as she did, the darkness around them transformed, and, though it was still dark, Eleanora could see everything. All the life, rich and verdant, radiant with the magic of wilden souls. This is the Shimmering Woods part of the story by the way." Kaylee pointed out, her fingers still absently playing through River's hair as she told Eleanora's story.

"I could tell that." River murmured.

"Yeah..." Kaylee mused, her thoughts and emotions undeniably stirred by telling this story again after all this time. She went on. "It was all breathtaking, and Eleanora looked... She saw Demeter standing up to her feet. Demeter offered her hand up and Eleanora took it and stood with her, falling into her arms, their child held between them. _Don't you want this?_ Demeter asked her. _Don't you want to be with me?_

" _Yes._ Eleanora acknowledged, closing her eyes. _I love you, and I want to be with you and share your world._ She told Demeter, and, when she opened her eyes again, it was daylight and the world was even more a paradise.

" _Then choose me. Stay with me..._ Demeter prompted again softly at Eleanora's ear, almost in a plea. The words made her shiver with wanting...

" _...Over Artemis, you mean?_ Eleanora found herself asking, her heart torn. She looked around then, and found them standing at the altar now, the half-mended bowl on the ground. 

" _Yes._ Demeter told her, her voice a little fierce now, and Eleanora met her eyes again. Demeter moved into her and kissed her, gentle and ardent, but full of a lover's passion, as if she were trying to poove herself, as if she were quietly daring Eleanora not to decide in her favor. Eleanora melted into the kiss, got lost in it for a timeless moment... and then it was over, and Demeter was gazing into her eyes once more. _Choose me over her, or... chose the bowl, take our daughter and place her there and be my sister's wife, have your town back, earn back your mother's pride, with my blessing... It's up to you._

"Eleanora was caught speechless a moment, her heart still racing from the kiss, her skin and body though still flush with wanting. _Will I be your wife, then?_ Eleanora found herself asking in a faint voice. _If I choose you, will I be your wife?_

" _...Smart._ Demeter admitted softly, as if Eleanora had just given her a gift. _No, Eleanora. You couldn't be my wife, not if you aren't really mine._

" _I was afraid you'd say that._ Eleanora admitted ruefully, closing her eyes and resting her head on Demeter's shoulder, feeling her presence, her heat, her warmth, and the miracle of a daughter between them that they'd made together. How could she choose? Her heart felt as though it were tearing inside her chest, for she did love this woman, this goddess... but she loved Artemis too, and in seemingly equal measure.

" _Does it really matter so much, to be a wife?_ Demeter asked. _Choose me anyway?_

"Something in Demeter's voice made her smile then. Demeter was so right: they were so alike, more than she really cared to think about. Something in Demeter, that simple, raw, scorned vulnerability in her that had made her laugh in Eleanora's dreams, it called to her, made her want to sooth it, to embrace it, embrace her, as Demeter had done for her in the form of Cassandrin. And that teasing, wicked smile... or the soft, tender one... or the look of stark vulnerability holding their daughter in her arms had brought out in her... The thought of turning Demeter away again, she felt she would rather die than do that.

"At the same time though, the memory of Artemis, bright and blinding in the heavens, dancing with her... believing in her, taking care of her, accepting her unconditionally. Loving her, showing her such beauty... it was a beauty that lived in her heart, lived in Eleanora's heart now too, unforgettable. She remembered their kiss on the lake in her dreams though, remembered their kiss on the shore that day too... Those kisses, the way she made love, the look in her eyes, there wasn't just unknowable beauty there, but longing, deep longing, and so much passion... She was the kind of person, the kind of goddess, who didn't ask, but waited. She'd known someone just like that before. 

"Neri... Her first love, a forest dryad. Dryads did come into the town sometimes, curious, or seeking a lover. It wasn't so unusual, but, with Neri, it had felt like such a gift, such a treasure. Something she'd barely felt she understood. She'd wanted her though, and taken her to her bed at every opportunity. Not enough talking or understanding though, so, in the end—inevitably, she supposed—they'd had an argument. When Neri had asked her to run away with her, into the forest, Eleanora had told her no, and instead insisted she live with her in her house in Standing Stones and her wife, carry on her mother's and foremothers' legacy. She'd told Neri how important that was to her, but Neri just told her that dryads weren't meant to live in towns with humans, that it was against her people's ways. When the argument had been over and Neri had told her no for the final time, Eleanora had been too prideful to forgive, or even to really listen. She'd never gone out to the forest to meet with her again, and regretted it every day since... Just like she knew she'd regret it every day far worse if she abandoned Artemis... She couldn't do it, not after all they'd shared, all they'd been to one another. Artemis had stripped her down to her truest self, and bared her own soul to her just as completely. How could she betray that kind of trust and live with herself? She couldn't...

"Something about remembering her time with Neri though, which she'd previously been doing her level best not to dwell on, it sparked the beginning of a notion in her.

"She remembered Neri's kiss then, remembered every kiss, really remembered them, and something just clicked into place in her mind—a knowing... Cassandrin's kiss, the one and only time they had kissed... She'd kissed him when she'd left his house one night, but he hadn't given in to her, hadn't accepted her—was this why? Had it been her own fault? Her own fault all along, because every other kiss—every single one before and after that one wrong kiss—had been the right kiss?

"Time seemed to still and the world seemed to pause around her as the knowing fully unwound and bloomed in her heart. _It's you._ Eleanora whispered, pulling back enough to look into her lover's eyes, her mind reeling with what she now knew... or, what she hoped she now knew, anyway. She wasn't entirely certain, but she was going to take the leap and find out, no matter that her whole body felt tight with the worry of it.

" _Me?_ Demeter asked, quirking a smile.

" _You._ Eleanora said, tentative surety growing in her as she moved in to kiss her, both because she badly wanted to kiss her, and because she wanted to assure herself that she wasn't just imagining this, that it wasn't just wishful thinking.

"And, sure enough, when the kiss finally parted, Neri's open, familiar face was smiling back at her. Eleanora's heart sped up. _Think you're so clever, don't you?_ Neri teased, sounding happy, truly delighted even. _Have you ever thought: maybe I'm just that good at kissing?_

"Eleanora couldn't help it: she laughed. The laughter woke up their daughter though, and Eleanora moved to coo to her, so did Neri, except she wasn't Neri now, she was Artemis.

"Eleanora looked up and met her gaze, a thousand questions in her eyes that boiled down to only one: _Who are you?_ She asked softly.

"Artemis smiled and took her hand, and Eleanora followed her, walking into a swell of moonlight. The two sat down in their bed of light and held their daughter between them. It felt so right to Eleanora, so perfect. Her worries left her all over again, and she felt free.

" _I am me, and we are we. Am I two who pretends to be one?_ Artemis asked.

 _"Or one who pretends to be two?_ Demeter asked from behind her, and Eleanora got a thrill of a shiver though her, seeing there really were, or at least could chose to be, two separate beings. What did it mean? Demeter reached out and Artemis took her hand. When they touched, Demeter flowed around Eleanora as though she were a shimmering mist. She flowed into Artemis, and Artemis became Neri again.

" _I'm not sure we ever knew the answer to that question, to be honest._ Neri told her, becoming Demeter. _We play our games, be one or two or three or four—a reflection, a doe, a sister, a friend, a lover, an enemy, or even a stranger—but I am a goddess, my love._ She said, becoming Artemis. _Or, we are. I have no beginning, and I will never know and ending. Time is a mortal's thing, where my kind are bound to a different dance._ Artemis admitted softly, touching their daughter in a caress, causing her to float from their arms in a ball of light. Eleanora's heart lurched just a little, being separated from her daughter, but she wasn't worried. She found she trusted completely, in fact, even though she'd been tricked all along, from the very first. How much sense did that make? Maybe all the sense in the world—it was love, after all, and even her lover's latest confessions, which Eleanora was hardly at all sure she understood in the least, didn't change the plain reality of that.

"They kissed again, and their bed faded away, their feet drifting down beneath them, her toes touching water for a moment. Her eyes opened after the kiss ended and she looked around them again. They were back at the lake, in the center, just like in her dream. Their feet touched down, and they stood there on the water. It didn't even feel cold, just slightly cool to the touch. Their daughter was still with them, orbiting them lazily in her cradle of moonlight. She was awake, again, but gazing up at the stars, a look of wonder and delight on her face as tiny little hands reached up as though she thought she could grab one of those stars and study it like Eleanora remembered her daughter studying the strands of her hair sometimes, as though they might contain all the mysteries that ever were.

"Her eyes met her Artemis's then. _Why?_ She found herself asking. It wasn't a simple why either, it encompassed quite a lot in fact, but, really, she could boil the question down to its barest underpinnings if she'd just had the courage to add one more word—if she'd asked: Why  me?

"A lopsided smile came over Artemis's lips. _I fell in love, for the first ever, with you._ She told her. _I always wondered what it would feel like._ She admitted softly.

" _The first... but, you... You just said you've lived forever, surely... You must have had other lovers?_ Eleanora asked.

"Artemis shook her head, became Demeter. _Ah, ah. Try to keep up, love,_ she said. The world changed around them and it was daytime and they were standing on a different lake, one Eleanora couldn't recognize.

" _Remember, we're timeless._ Artemis said, standing next to them now, calling their daughter's moonlight cradle to her so she could hold her in her arms again.

" _Go, see for yourself if you like?_ Demeter offered, coming up behind her and holding her around the waist.

"Eleanora found herself looking at the shore of the lake, seeing a path's end there. Her heart in her throat, she swallowed. She blinked and managed to catch her balance just as she felt she might stumble to her knees, looking around her and finding herself alone and elsewhere. She was by the edge of a forest, and before her was a road. This place was nowhere she'd ever been before. She knew every road in Standing Stones—or had, before Demeter'd stolen it away in some fashion as she had. Somehow though, she had the feeling she needed to do something, something that involved walking down that road.

"She felt strange though, looking around her. The forest... She reached a hand out to touch one of the trees. Her hand, it was green, she realized, just as her fingers touched the wood and she gasped in recognition of the sheer feeling of home and connection she felt. She must be a dryad now, she realized. It was the only thing that made sense.

"More of Demeter's games, she mused. She wanted to be affronted, but she found she still trusted, so she wasn't. Whatever Demeter and Artemis or Neri, whether they really were one and the same or not, wanted to show her by sending her here, she trusted it was important and would bring them closer together somehow. She trusted too that their daughter was safe with her, even though a part of her ached to hold her again, even with so very little time apart.

"So, she turned from the tree, and walked the road. As soon as her bare feet touched the cobblestones, it felt strange to her. She looked back at the forest and felt a small, wistful longing to go back, and she wondered if this is what it had felt like for Neri, if this was what she'd asked her to give up when she'd insisted she come live with her in Standing Stones to be her wife? If so, she could understand a little better why she'd been rebuffed... but, then, Demeter was Neri and always had been, or Artemis had, so that could hardly be true, could it? Had she been playing her part too well, or had she simply been as prideful as Eleanora had been back then? If she—Demeter, Artemis, Neri—if she really were timeless though, as she claimed, did that mean she never changed?

"Something else to ask. She added it to her list of unanswered questions, and walked on.

"She walked on down the long country road, meeting no travelers as she went, until, at last, as the sun began to set, she crested a ridge and saw a city stretching out before her, one that had to be at least twice the side of Standing Stones. Her eyes wide, she marveled at the sight.

"Her thoughts and questions multiplying, she walked on, a sense of urgency growing in her breast that she couldn't explain.

"The sounds of horses approaching made her flee the road and hide until three riders passed her by. Once they were gone, she went on until she found herself nearing a small settlement on the outskirts of the still far off city. She heard a woman scream, and, heart racing, that sense of urgency driving her on even more now, she ran towards the sound of distress.

"Behind the small township's smithy, she came upon the scene of a woman being beaten by three men. The sight of it, of the woman's battered body on the ground as one of the men kicked her, shocked and angered her. Violence was anathema to her people—against the teachings of their goddesses in every way. In Standing Stones, it was so taboo, in fact, that even striking another person once was grounds for banishment.

"Still, she had to stop them. Using violence to stop violence was permitted in the teachings, after all, if there weren't other choices. She could try to talk to them, she supposed, but she didn't see how that could work. If they were so far gone as to do what they were doing, she didn't hold out much hope, and couldn't afford to give even that if she was to have any chance of saving the woman they were victimizing. There were three of them though, three large men, and she had no notion of how to do violence on another person. She had to surprise them, she reasoned, if there was to be any likelihood of success for her. From the smithy, she took a chisel from a work bench, thinking she could use it as a weapon. In all the cautionary tales of the old world (where she found herself now, she had to conclude), the sinners always used weapons to do their violence.

"As she darted in closer with her chisel, staying as quiet as she could manage, one of the men grabbed the woman by her hair and called her _Demeter's whore. Where's your goddess now?_ He mocked. Hatred rose in Eleanora's veins at those words. _Off killing children, no doubt. Do you help her? Is that what whores like you do? Feed our children to the wolves? Were you there, watching while her wolves tore apart my son's body and ate it?_ He hissed, demanding an answer.

"The words rang in Eleanora's ears as she drove the point of the chisel into the back of one of the other men, stabbing him deep. He cried out in pain and shock, falling to his knees and collapsing on the ground. Eleanora's thoughts raced at the rest of the man's words. Had wolves killed his child? Was that why he did this awful thing?

"Even if it was, it didn't change what she had to do, she decided. Wolves deserved respect and honor for their place in the world, and if a pack of wolves had killed this man's son, then the fault was his own for not minding him properly. She knew though, that if her own daughter had been killed, she wouldn't be any more reasonable than these men. It didn't mean they had the right to do violence upon an innocent woman. All her mother's teachings told her that, and she agreed with them. Her hatred had been dulled, but she couldn't see what these men had done as anything other than an obscenity, one that she couldn't stand by and let continue.

"The second man whirled on her, and, fear striking Eleanora's heart at the reality that these men could kill her, she rushed at him with desperate ferocity, stabbing him in his side twice before he roared and flung her savagely to the ground.

"Bone cracked as her shoulder took the brunt of the impact. Pain struck, more pain by far than she'd ever felt in her life, and Eleanora struggled to get up and try to defend herself. _You murdering abomination! Kill you!_ The first man said, kicking her in the head.

"The blow sent her reeling, but she could already feel strength coursing through her up from the earth, healing her shoulder, clearing her head. A dryad's gifts, she realized. Dryads were no stronger than humans, she knew, but they healed quickly and could not be killed except by fire. Since these men didn't have torches, she realized she would almost certainly survive this whatever happened, but not so the woman they'd beaten. She scrambled out of the way before the man could stomp her head. He drew a knife of his own as Eleanora got back to her feet. There would be no words between them anymore, Eleanora could see that in his eyes. This wasn't the kind of hate that went away. Eleanora, new mother that she now was, couldn't help but feel for him. If she killed him though, she thought, perhaps that would be a mercy? An end to a father's torment at the loss of his child?

"He charged her and Eleanora did the same. They grappled and his blade sunk into her flesh as hers found home in his belly as well. If she'd thought she'd known pain before, she felt sure she'd been wrong. She kept stabbing her enemy though, even through the pain and the sickening feeling of her blood pouring from her body. _I'm sorry._ She whispered to him, her voice a rasping thing, as the grieving father fell away from her and she collapsed to her knees as well, falling over onto her side.

"Her vision blurred and her thoughts almost left her. Time faded from her knowing. Then the woman she'd saved's hand touched her shoulder, then her neck. _You're still alive, aren't you? Will you heal? Should I... should I carry you to the forest? I'm not sure if I can, but I can try._ Clearly, she knew how fast dryads could heal themselves, and thought that maybe being closer to the trees would help. It wouldn't, Eleanora could tell. The Earth was all around her. She couldn't be taken away from it, not without somehow being flung into the sky to the stars, at least.

"Eleanora looked up and met the woman's eyes. As she did, her thoughts came slowly back to her. She could feel herself healing, even now. _I'll be alright soon. Just need a few minutes._ Eleanora murmured.

" _I'll stay with you, then._ The woman promised her. _And thank you. For saving me, I mean. My name is Gwenowyn, I'm a priestess of Demeter... but you must already know that. It's why you helped me, isn't it?_ She asked.

"Eleanora looked at her in wonder, and reached to touch her face. _Gwenowyn..._ She spoke the name, realizing where she was—who she was. She was Coryn, the dryad from the story, from Gwenowyn's story, the one who'd lead her to the lake. She smiled a little falteringly. _Yes._ She said. _Your faith is true, so I was sent to help you._ She struggled to sit up. Her body was fast mending, the Earth's strength flooding into her and fighting back against the pain and the hurt. _We need to go. One of the men..._ She realized.

" _He fled. He'll tell people what's happened. We... could be facing a mob soon._ Gwenowyn finished.

" _...You would have stayed though, wouldn't you?_ Eleanora asked, realization coming over her, followed by shame. Seeing what this woman, her ancestor, had faced, had suffered through, to keep her faith. Knowing that she would have given her life to save a woman she'd never met before... She thought she might understand, at last, why her mother felt the way she had about Standing Stones. Here, with this woman, it actually did feel to her almost as though she had a mother again—a living one—and she realized just how lost she really had let herself become since her mother's death. Lost enough to smash the bowl out of selfish pride and hurt and betray everything her mother had stood for...

" _Of course, holy one._ Gwenowyn told her softly. _We're sisters of a kind, after all, are we not?_

"Eleanora had to smile at that. _Family._ She admitted, knowing her ancestor wouldn't know to find the humor or the depth of truth in that.

"Gwenowyn helped her to her feet and they made their way away back towards the road Eleanora had followed to find her way here. Just past the town limits, they heard the sound of people—that mob they'd feared. Eleanora could just see the light of torches headed their way and so she led Gwenowyn from the road and into the forest. Right away, it felt like coming home to her.

"Everything around her, all the life everywhere around, welcomed her. She felt powerful and right, her hurts a fading memory. With renewed confidence and surety, she led her ancestor though the woods and towards the lake. She didn't need the road, she found; the forest told her just where to go.

" _Your magic is breathtaking._ Gwenowyn completed her, when they stopped at a stream to drink. _When I hold your hand, the forest looks like... paradise._ She said.

"Eleanora looked at her in question, then looked around her, noticing that the forest did actually look to her like it had when Demeter had been putting on a show for her before. She hadn't even noticed the difference, she realized, it'd just seemed to her like what the forest looked like. She smiled to Gwenowyn. _I'm learning that the things you think you know, you might know much less about than you've ever guessed._ She told her.

" _Artemis teaches us to always keep an open heart and mind._ Gwenowyn said, her honest faith filling her words with warmth. Though she was a priestess of Demeter, clearly she had faith enough to offer Artemis as well.

"Eleanora quirked a little of a smile at that. _What does Demeter teach you then?_ She asked softly.

" _Never to be afraid to love._ She told her just as softly, moving to smoothly take up Eleanora's lips in a chaste, but still very inviting sort of kiss.

"Eleanora let the kiss happen, her skin heating in a little of a blush.

" _I'm spoken for, I think._ Eleanora told her, not unkindly, once the kiss had parted.

"Gwenowyn gave a lopsided smile at that. _Just my luck, I suppose._ She lamented.

" _Don't worry,_ Eleanora said, _you'll find your wife soon. Genevieve will be her name._ She told her, thinking that just maybe she was also meant to play matchmaker in all of this. Genevieve was a priestess of Artemis. The story said that, at Gwenowyn's urging, secure in the promise Gwenowyn had gained from both their goddesses, the two of them had rallied their people to set off into the wilderness.

"Gwenowyn looked stymied. _But... She's always been so cold to me._ She protested. _Some days, it seems like she won't even look at me if she doesn't have to._

" _Open mind, open heart—remember?_ Eleanora gave back to her. _If I had to guess, I'd say: if you court her properly, you might well find she's only shy._ She told her, enjoying herself. It felt so natural, talking to this woman like this. So much like having her mother back. She blushed again a little—of course, her mother had never tried to make out with her before, thank goodness...

"Gwenowyn quirked a bemused smile. _I'd never have guessed._ She admitted.

"So that's where I get my talent at romance from, is it? She thought ruefully, laughing just a little to herself. _Come on, let's get going again._ She offered Gwenowyn her hand up. 

"Gwenowyn took it and stood and the two headed off through the forest again, Eleanora leading the way, finding the path, then following it towards the lake.

"Gwenowyn still looked like she'd been beaten badly, but she'd walked on with her uncomplaining all the way. _I wish it could be different, for my people._ Gwenowyn said, at last. _A part of me understands why that man hated me like he did. Grief, fear... human beings do die in the forest at times, if they are unwary, if they fear instead of offer respect... but another part of me, I think, will never understand. Is it wrong to want something better for my life? To want to offer those who follow my goddess, who listen to me when I teach her ways, a better way? A better life? ...It's almost funny, when you think about it... For us, it's not the forest we have to fear, but our own kind..._

"Eleanora was silent and didn't answer the question right away _...The place I'm taking you, it's a holy place. When we get there, if you want that life for your people, why not ask? I... have a feeling, your goddess might just listen. Pray to her, and pray to Artemis as well, in Genevieve's name. In the names of all you'd wish to protect._ She told her.

" _...I will._ Gwenowyn said simply, and Eleanora began to really let it sink in just what it might mean that Artemis and Demeter were timeless. She remembered what it had been like to lay in Artemis's bed and to dance with her in the heavens, or even to share a kiss under the sunlight with Demeter... A fleeting, timeless moment, striking for it's simple joy.

"What would it be like, what could it mean, to live without time?"

"A little like being a tree, I guess." River pondered. "Being everywhere you'd ever go all at once?"

Kaylee thought about that. "Maybe so..." She considered, shrugging. "I don't even know if it's a possible thing though. Like stargazers from long ago, looking up at the night's sky. If we were them, we'd be looking up there, wondering what those little dots of light are and never knowing if they were fireflies, peepholes for gods, or whatever else not, and likely never guess the truth all the days of our lives. We could make up fanciful stories all day long, but what are the chances any of them would be right? Balls of plasma so big we're like spots of dust to them, so bright we can't even look at them, so hot we'd burn up before we got anywhere close, and all surrounded by a void of blackness so cold nothing could ever live there unprotected. Who'd ever come up with a story like that, right?"

"Ni bu zhidao, zhidao ni zhidao." River summarized, though Kaylee couldn't quite tell by her voice what she thought about it exactly.

"Yeah..." Kaylee agreed. Which was exactly why she was a wait and see kind of person. Just: when all your friends but one might be dead, that did kind of cut both ways, now didn't it?

"You're thinking about them again, aren't you?" River mused silently.

"Yeah..." Kaylee admitted.

"...Well, I think they're alive, actually." River said.

"Yeah, an why's that, exactly?" Kaylee asked, lips quirking into a fond smile of their own accord. River had a way of saying what needed to be said sometimes, she really did.

"Blind optimism?" She ventured.

Kaylee chuckled just a little. "Here, here." She said.

They were silent then for a few long moments.

"Finish the story?" River asked.

"Yeah, okay..." Kaylee agreed. They were getting pretty close to the end, which was good because the glow from the sunset was very nearly gone completely by this point. "So, they made their way to the lake, and Eleanora watched as Gwenowyn got down to her knees by the shore, bowed her head, and started to pray. It was full dark by this point, and moon's refection glittering on the lake. Eleanora had never seen this lake at night before, but it was a scene that was, by now, intimately familiar to her.

"The moonlight brightened and, before her eyes, both Artemis and Demeter stepped from thin air to stand there on the water, just a few paces away from Gwenowyn. Demeter winked and caught her Eleanora's, a playful smile just hinted at on the corner of her lips, and Artemis smiled softly to her, all warmth and love. Gwenowyn looked up and saw them then. What followed was a scene from legend, the words spoken at once vividly new, and ones she knew by heart from reading Gwenowyn's account of them far in the future.

"She watched as Artemis drifted away and Demeter took Gwenowyn's hand and helped her to her feet, touching her face and healing her wounds. Arms circled around Eleanora's waist from behind, Neri holding her to her. Eleanora sank back into her lover's embrace with relief. It felt like coming home after a long time away. She didn't feel like quite the same person anymore, though she knew she must still be. _She is hers._ Neri spoke softly in her ear as Demeter kissed Gwenowyn on the cheek and sent her off.

"Demeter faded away and Gwenowyn looked around the clearing. _Coryn? Where did you go?_ Gwenowyn asked, looking around. Eleanora had given Gwenowyn the name as they'd walked. It had been the one from the legend, after all, so it had obviously been the thing to do. Gwenowyn couldn't see her though, Neri had taken her from the mortal world, or shielded her from sight somehow. _Well, I hope I'll see you again one day then. Maybe you'll introduce me to that wife or husband of yours?_ Gwenowyn ventured, because Eleanora had never told her who she was spoken for with, and wouldn't she be surprised to know.

" _You understand better now, don't you?_ Demeter asked, appearing before Eleanora, their daughter in her arms, walking up to her. She became Artemis and Demeter was behind her instead of Neri, holding Eleanora in her arms.

" _I... think so._ Eleanora ventured.

" _Good._ Demeter murmured, kissing her neck as the world grew white with moonlight around them. Demeter stepped around from behind her and stood by her sister's side, holding out her hand to her. _Come?_ She asked.

"Her heart beating fast, Eleanora took the offered hand and followed where lead. When they emerged from the light, Eleanora found herself standing by the alter in front of her home, the partially mended bowl at her feet. She looked down at it a long moment, her feelings a storm of indecision and questions, before she looked back up, first to Artemis who held their child in her arms, then to Demeter, who came around behind her again to hold her as she had before.

" _What do you want, love?_ Demeter asked softly. _Tell me?_

"Eleanora looked back up to meet Artemis's eyes. _To be your wife._ She said, unable to be anything else but honest.

"Artemis smiled, looking relieved. _What else?_ She asked from the other side of the broken bowl.

"Eleanora swallowed. _To honor my mother, all my mothers, Gwenowyn included..._ She admitted softly. _I don't want to be the one who took away everything she hoped for, everyone my mother loved..._ She told them, tears falling from her eyes. _I want to live in this house with you, and be a family._ Eleanora told her, almost pleading.

"Artemis smiled, a simple, radiant, joyful smile, and then Eleanora gasped as Demeter kissed her neck again. Her knees went weak and she sank to her knees on the ground. Demeter guided her down gently, Eleanora feeling so safe in her arms, even though she'd just been toying with her again. In front of her, Artemis crouched before her, laying their child in the bowl and giving Demeter an annoyed but tolerant smile.

" _You never did give her a name._ Artemis spoke to Eleanora then, her eyes almost beseeching her, for what Eleanora didn't quite know.

" _Coryn._ Eleanora found herself saying, looking down at their daughter, reaching out to touch her perfect little cheek. _For you are surely beautiful._ She whispered. That's what the name meant, after all: beautiful maiden, and she had a feeling that's just what her daughter would be one day. Eleanora withdrew her hand and cupped both hands to her chest, feeling the well of darkness rise up inside her, just as the moonlight had come once before. 

"She took the darkness and offered it to the bowl and to her daughter, anointing her as her successor. It was a ceremony usually done symbolically, with a flower petal and a drop of water to symbolize Demeter and Artemis's blessings, but now completed in a much more literal sense.

"Before her eyes, the bowl was mended. Her daughter laughed a baby laugh and Eleanora's heart went out to her, taking Coryn up in her arms and standing, Demeter on her right and Artemis at her left. She looked up and saw Standing Stones restored, just as it had been, it's people looking around, blinking and somewhat bewildered as if waking from a dream. The only change was that Eleanora's house, along with the stones surrounding it, once in the center of the town, was now on its edge, bordering the forest. The compromise reminded her at once of her and Neri's argument.

"She looked next to her then and saw no goddesses, just Neri, smiling a smile that was Artemis's joy and Demeter's passion become as one.

" _What now?_ Eleanora asked, unable to help smiling herself. It felt like everything had been set right, at last.

" _Now? Now, I guess we've got a wedding to plan, don't you think?_ Neri asked.

"So it was that, one beautiful day, they got married in the meadow by the lake, many of the townsfolk turning out to attend, including her aunt's family. They never told the whole story to the people of Standing Stones, only saying that the goddesses had put a test before her and she'd been able to earn forgiveness and mend the bowl and the promise it represented. Most people didn't hold any hard feelings over their time spent as animals, and chose to see it more as a blessing that brought them closer to their goddesses. Attendance at the temples for worship, obviously, did improve, and no one doubted that Artemis and Demeter were real anymore. Cassandrin and Marin got married at one point too, and, at Neri's urging, Eleanora attended and wished them well, even though the whole matter was still deeply embarrassing for her to confront. Even still, she and Cassandrin were never really friends again, and she and Marin tended to avoid one another in the streets, for obvious reasons. It wasn't something Eleanora felt too great about, but neither did she quite know how to mend those fences. Eleanora, in time, did make a few friends though, whereas before she'd had no one, save for Cassandrin, of course. Things were still a bit strained between her and her aunt, but Eleanora did manage to grow close with one of her cousins.

"And Coryn did indeed grow up into a beautiful young maiden, just as Eleanora had foretold, and, in time, she fell in love herself. Surprisingly, with one of Cassandrin and Marin's daughters. When she was of the proper age, Eleanora gifted Coryn and her wife the house and disappeared into the woods with Neri. If the couple came back from time to time to visit their daughter, Coryn never let on—though there were stories that began to be told of a woman the named Eleanora of the Shimmering Wood who helped children lost in the woods find their way home again, though no one could say for quite sure whether they were true or not. For my part, I like to believe Neri and Eleanora lived happily ever after... The End." Kaylee finished.

River blinked, gazing up at the stars from Kaylee's lap. She didn't speak. The sunset had passed long minutes ago, but they had a lamp on low so it didn't seem quite so dark.

"So, what did you think?" Kaylee asked, a little hesitantly. "Of the story, I mean?"

River turned her head a little to look up into her eyes. "It makes you think, doesn't it?" She asked softly.

"Yeah..." Kaylee admitted, letting out a breath. "Like I said, my sister always liked stories like that. Plus, she was always a romantic too, so there's that. But, you're right, and that's for sure. There's a reason why I could remember it so well, even after all this time. I mean, I'm sure I missed some of the detail, and I probably got some things wrong, but the story sticks with you, doesn't it?"

River sat up then, stretching, and looking, to Kaylee's eyes, rather bothered.

"Hey... What is it? What's wrong?" Kaylee asked.

River looked to her then, smiling a little. "Just thinking about selfishness, I suppose." She admitted.

"...You mean like Eleanora was, in the story." Kaylee ventured, kicking herself a little for not seeing the connection.

River looked up into the sky. "What do you think she would've chosen, in the end, if Demeter made her choose after all. Love, or Standing Stones?"

"...Love, probably." Kaylee had to admit.

"Shi. I think so too." River admitted, looking off into the forest.

"That bothers you, doesn't it?" Kaylee asked.

"My parents." River said, looking down at her hands. "They chose wealth and safety over me. With the Alliance, it was control... A better world, at least for the people like them, or so I'd imagine they'd say... Not my brother, though... Sometimes, I guess I wonder if I'm worth it." She admitted.

"...You are, though." Kaylee told her, feeling a little awkward saying it.

River looked to her then and smiled. Being shy about it, she then bestowed a kiss on Kaylee's cheek. "I hope you're right." River said softly, getting up to her feet. "Come on though." She yawned, offering a hand to Kaylee. "Let's go sleep now, okay?"

Kaylee smiled, taking River's hand. "Shi."

* * *

If you got to be as selfish as could be, what would you want for yourself most? Next time: _~ DREAM FAERIE ~_

 

Chinese translations:

"Shi." = "Yes."

"Ni bu zhidao, zhidao ni zhidao." = "You don't know until you know."


	8. Dream Faerie

Part 2: Quiet Moments 

**Chapter 8: ~ DREAM FAERIE ~**

* * *

It was in the morning two weeks later, and Kaylee woke up in bed. She didn't feel quite completely awake yet though, so she was just lying there and letting her mind wander for the time being.

River was with her, curled up on her side next to her, like always.

She wasn't usually the one to wake first, most often that was River. When she was though, she'd do what she was doing now and laze about in bed until River woke up to make them breakfast. River always did that: made them breakfast, cooked for them both. It made sense that she did, Kaylee'd told herself when she'd thought about this previously. River was the better cook, by a large margin she was, and that was just a fact.

Kaylee considered her own talents in preparing food then. She could make some things passably well, and she could make other things that were merely passable. She rolled over on her side to face River, saw her friend sleeping peaceful and content and Kaylee smiled, feelings of fond warmth and, yes, even love welling up in her. River really had become like a sister, hadn't she? Like she and Ilann had been once... She'd known she'd missed that feeling, but, until River, she hadn't truly realized how very _much_ she'd been missing it.

A lot of the time, she considered, when River woke first, Kaylee'd wake up and find breakfast already being made, or finished and smelling wonderful and River sitting on the bed next to her, waiting patiently to have breakfast in bed with her.

Suddenly, it felt really important to her to return that favor, even if it was just once.

She could make buckwheat pancakes pretty darn well, she considered, and they still did have some mix for that they'd been saving for special occasions. They'd been stocking up on nuts and edible roots, and they'd gathered some berries and greens the previous day. They had some honey from those three hives she and River had found a few weeks back. She could do this.

She reached a hand out as if to touch River's arm, her fingertips bare millimeters away. She found her hand moving over River's skin, drawn in and fascinated by how it felt to be so close to touching her, but to not. River was... She was beautiful was what, and so strong too, all the way down deep to the heart of her, but she was also so much more than that... She was funny and charming, clever and fun, a brilliant cook and a great friend... What she'd been through? What'd been done to her? It had changed her, sure, but, it hadn't beaten her—hadn't darkened her heart, where it would have where so many others were concerned. River? No, she just burned all the brighter for all of it, didn't she...? She was a wonder...

Kaylee closed her eyes, withdrew her hand, lightly touched a few strands of River's hair, and rolled away, swallowing the emotion she felt down, and determined that, yes... She was going to make River breakfast. River deserved someone who'd make her breakfast...

So she got up and went foraging for the right breakfast-making supplies among their provisions. Unsurprisingly, everything was organized and intuitively categorized to an absurd degree of perfection, but, well, that was River for you.

Kaylee smiled to herself, wondering how it was that almost everything River ever did seemed to make her want to smile, one way or the other.

* * *

About ten minutes later, Kaylee had the pancake batter ready and was setting the rest of the fixings onto two plates, planning to pour the batter once she was done. The pancakes would take about ten more minutes to cook, but Kaylee didn't want to be doing other things while that was going on, worried that, if she let herself get distracted, she'd miss that moment when they'd be perfect. After that, she'd drizzle them with honey and add the pecans she'd chopped up.

The hot plate was hot, and Kaylee was about to pour the batter, when a distinctly distressed sound from River almost startled her enough to make her drop the batter bowl. Thinking fast, she managed to catch herself and the bowl before disaster happened.

Her heart beating fast all the sudden, she deliberately sat the bowl down, just in time to hear more sounds of distress coming from the bed.

She turned and got to her feet. Her heart was in her throat at the scene she saw: River writhing on the bead, skin sweaty, murmuring pleas for mercy or help to anyone who'd listen.

Almost feeling panicked herself, Kaylee raced back to her friend, hopping up on the bed and going to her. She froze though, just for a second, sitting there poised over River, drawing a blank on what to do next, just knowing she damned well had to do something. She didn't want to just shake her awake, or shout, or anything like that. That might be as bad for River as whatever nightmare memory had hold of her. 

So, throwing caution to the wind, she got in there and, with care, gathered a struggling River Tam to her. She held her, spoke soft, soothing words, told her she wasn't alone, that she was safe. She took a few minor lumps for her trouble, as River kept struggling at first, but, after a few moments, River seemed to sense it was her and her distress eased.

River gasped then, startling mutely into waking. Her breathing hard to match Kaylee's swiftly beating heart, Kaylee held her and told her she was okay now. That she was safe.

"You okay now?" Kaylee asked softly at last.

"Bad dreams." River explained faintly, her voice sounding haunted but more sure of herself.

"Have those a lot?" Kaylee asked, concerned and wondering: if River did have dreams like this often, how had she missed it?

River just nodded _yes_.

"I um, I never noticed before..." Kaylee admitted, feeling guilty for it. How _had_ she missed it though? You'd think it would've woken her, all that... writhing and thrashing about and everything...

"Well, I guess you wouldn't, would you?" River asked in a soft, self-conscious kinda way, not meeting her eyes.

"...Why not, then?" Kaylee asked, moving to hold River's hand, reassured when River's fingers closed around hers.

River did meet her eyes then, and it felt like there were suddenly no barriers between them at all. "You." She said simply.

"Me?" Kaylee asked, maybe a little dumbly, swallowing once at all the emotions welling up in her throat.

River looked up at Kaylee's forehead then and pointed there, touching the center with her finger. "You have a dream faerie living in you, Kaylee Frye. One that likes me very much, I think." She explained, letting herself collapse and settle into Kaylee's arms.

Kaylee held her close, her heart beating fast again all the sudden. "You're um, you're saying... You don't have bad dreams... when you're with me, is that it?" She asked softly, her chest feeling kind of tight as she tried to process that.

"...I don't. Not once." River admitted.

"Oh..." Was all Kaylee could think to say to that. "Well, um, I'm glad then." She added, fumbling for the right words.

River hummed a little, letting out a long breath. "It's wonderful, being able to sleep properly again... I've never been able to since what happened, not until you. I should have told you so. Thanked you. I know I should have."

"...Why didn't you, then?" Kaylee asked.

"... Embarrassed, I guess..." River admitted, sounding like it. "And maybe I didn't exactly want to talk about it, either. The dreams I've had? ...Nightmares I guess. I was just glad not to have them anymore, that's all."

"Oh, well... that's okay then, yeah?" She offered.

River didn't reply, and, after a moment's consideration, Kaylee realized her friend had fallen asleep in her arms. "Huh..." Kaylee said to herself, letting her fingers run through River's hair a little, stroking it as she thought. River was a fair amount more... steady now than she'd been before on Serenity, here, with just the two of them. Was this why? Maybe it was, or, at least... maybe it was part of the reason.

Making a decision, Kaylee gently lowered them down to the bed and held River, closing her eyes.

The food would keep, she told herself, and there was nothing on the hot plate to burn if it was left on for a little while. This was more important.

* * *

She didn't know how long she and River laid there like that, Kaylee's thoughts scrambling for a way she should feel about all of this, but, in time, River did wake again.

"You okay?" Kaylee asked her gently.

"Mmm." River murmured, snuggling into her closer. "...You were making breakfast?" She asked.

"Mm-hmm." Kaylee admitted, smiling to herself, relieved at the question. She didn't want to talk about the dream faerie stuff just now, and apparently River didn't either. "Buckwheat pancakes and sundry. I figured you deserved breakfast in bed too, once in a while."

"Oh." River said, belatedly disentangling herself from Kaylee and sitting up, stretching and yawning, not meeting Kaylee's eyes as Kaylee sat up too, watching her and trying to figure out what to say or do next.

Oddly, Kaylee found herself thinking about kissing her... She didn't quite know what to do with the impulse though, and it left her a little tongue-tied. She'd never wanted to do that with someone of the female persuasion before. Not seriously. Not except for that one time, and... well, she'd honestly done her best not to think about that. No, growing up, it had always been herself going after the boys, and her sister the girls. It messed with her long-established sense of self a little to think about changing that.

She found herself thinking of Ilann's story though, the one she'd told River a little while ago, and she ran a hand through her own messy hair, wishing she knew what to do with the way she was feeling.

River reached out and took her hand just then, and it startled her just a little. She looked and met River's eyes in response, finding a soft, understanding smile waiting on her friend's face. Kaylee let out a breath, feeling better, relieved, and more settled somehow for that look.

"So... buckwheat pancakes?" River asked hopefully.

Kaylee smiled. "Right." She said, sitting up straight, her breakfast determination coming back to her. "It'll be impressive, you just wait an see." She boasted.

River smiled back, happy. "I have faith."

So Kaylee scooted over and up out of bed, River trailing along after, to get back to it. 

"I remember when you made these before." River said, settling down cross-legged next to her to watch while Kaylee mentally prepared herself again for batter pouring. 

She had done that, Kaylee recalled, made Buckwheat pancakes back on Serenity once or twice since River'd joined the crew. "Don't interrupt right now, I need to concentrate." Kaylee told her though, only half teasing really. After all the fuss this'd caused, she didn't want to make a poor showing, after all.

"Shi." River said, watching on with rapt attention.

Kaylee poured the batter, making first one, then two, then three, then four nearly perfect circles. She let out a breath when it was over and smiled in satisfaction, looking over to River. "See? Impressed, aren't you?"

River smiled. "I'm reserving judgment until the end." She told her cheekily.

Kaylee let out a second breath. "Why did I know you were going to say just that particular thing?" She asked.

"Because you know me well enough that my speech patterns have become partially predictable to you." River explained, still sounding a little cheeky somehow.

"You think so?" Kaylee asked, making sure to keep a wary eye on the pancakes as they talked.

"Mm-hmm. Familiarity breeds predictability... to some extent, anyway." River said.

"I thought the saying went that it breeds contempt though. That's the popular wisdom, ain't it?" She asked playfully.

River just shook her head. "That's only if you're bad at it. We aren't though, so we don't have cause to worry."

"No, huh?" Kaylee asked softly, somehow not really doubting it was true. All this time they'd spent, sharing close quarters and not having anyone else to talk with...? She'd never felt even remotely contemptuous. She felt a little guilty thinking it, because their friends might be dead while here they were, but, really, the fact was, aside from the hurt ribs, this... had been really nice. Fun, even. She was happy. The happiest she'd been in what felt like... a really long time.

"I have faith." River said.

"You keep saying that, you know?" Kaylee observed, starting to do a few morning stretches.

"Mm-hmm. It's true though..." River replied.

They didn't say anything for a few minutes then, and, when Kaylee noticed, she looked and saw River looking away.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

River blinked and met her eyes again. "Just hungry." She said.

Kaylee considered that, but then went back to watching her pancakes. This was the important part, where she had to watch closely. "You think we could eat in bed anyway? You know, pretend like it's a proper breakfast in bed?" She asked River hopefully.

"We could do that." River agreed easily.

"...Now's the time." Kaylee whispered to herself, going into action and serving up the pancakes on the two waiting plates. "I think..." She turned and looked towards River, but she wasn't where she had been. "Where'd you go?" She asked. In the next instant, she guessed though. She turned and looked, and, yup, sure enough, River was back in bed, pretending to be asleep.

Smiling to herself and feeling all warm inside, Kaylee silently went about fixing up the two plates for her and River.

That done, she stood and walked them back over to the bed and the adorable not-actually-sleeping literalist therein. She sat down, sat the plates out, and shook River's shoulder gently. "Time to wake up, you." She said gently.

River blinked and yawned. "Something smells good." She murmured. She was taking her role very seriously apparently.

"I made us breakfast." Kaylee said. "Buckwheat pancakes."

"And sundry?" River asked hopefully.

"How'd you guess." Kaylee teased.

"Just lucky, I guess." River said, meeting her eyes.

And there was that urge to kiss her again. Kaylee swallowed trying her best not to dwell on it too much. "Um yeah, I thought you said you'd wait til you tried it until you'd go making pronouncements like that?"

River just smiled. "I have faith." She and Kaylee said at the exact same time.

River started giggling and the kissed her on the cheek. "Jiujing."

Kaylee's breath caught a little at that, and she watched as River sat down cross-legged across from her, using her fork to cut her pancake and take a bite.

"So, what do you think?" Kaylee asked hopefully.

"Lucky." River pronounced positively. "See? Faith rewards the faithful... Well, as long as the faithful had good judgment to begin with, I suppose."

"And you're lucky you do, is that it?" Kaylee asked.

"Mm, pretty much." River agreed, being smug again.

Kaylee giggled, and they ate, a comfortable silence falling over them for a little while.

"Thank you, by the way." River told her softly. "For making me breakfast in bed? Thank you for that." She offered, her voice sounding a little shy.

"Anytime." Kaylee told her happily, finding the shyness both endearing and cute. "Or, I mean, I won't get out of bed like that without you again, obviously..." She trailed off, it being her turn to feel shy apparently.

River swallowed. "You could still cook breakfast in bed for me though, if you want." She said it like she was sure Kaylee would want to do that for her often because she was obviously worth it. Smugness again, but also actually true. So, well-earned smugness. "Just wake me up first. Simple and easy."

Kaylee quirked a smile. "Alight." She agreed.

"And um... Thanks too, for the other thing, you and your faerie?" She pointed to Kaylee's head. "Thank you... for letting me sleep?"

"...You're welcome." Kaylee said, those emotions feeling like they were getting the better of her again.

They lapsed into silence again for a few moments, both of them thoughtful.

"...Kaylee?" River asked softly.

"Shi?" Kaylee asked.

"What do you dream about, usually?" She asked.

That caught Kaylee a little off guard. "Why do you wanna know?" She asked softly.

"Curious, I suppose. I thought maybe we were dreaming the same dreams, now and then, or possibly more often. I wonder about things like that sometimes." She admitted. "The way I was changed inside, the way I do things and know things I couldn't before. I have memories that I don't think are mine. I know things I shouldn't. So, I thought, maybe I sleep better because... you've been sharing your dreams with me?"

"You... really think that could happen?" Kaylee asked.

River shrugged. "I don't know. That's why I'm asking: to find out." She admitted.

"Oh, well, I guess that makes sense, as much as any of it does." Kaylee had to admit. She thought for a minute. "I... guess I dream about, you know, back home. My sister, my friends... boys I've known... and, you know, Serenity. I don't always remember... Sometimes I dream I'm just flying through space, like a mermaid in a big black sea, no ship needed. Last night, I dreamt of Inara. That she, um... That she was still, alive, ni dong? We were in a house, this big house. You were there too. You usually are, lately, in my dreams, but small wonder that, I'd say, since we're always together now." It was true. Something about being out here all alone, the nearest other living human worlds away, most likely, it made a body really appreciate the one and only other person you had to keep you company, and it made you want to keep her close... "But anyway... She was alive, and my family was there too. We were all talking and laughing..."

"A mansion on a hill, and there was chocolate cake..." River said softly, her voice sounding like she was starting to fall into herself a little, like she tended to do sometimes.

"I... yeah..." Kaylee said, a funny feeling going all down her spine as she realized what River'd just said. "There was, it was... How'd you know that?" She asked faintly. "You..."

River looked up to her and smiled a wistful, lopsided smile. "We had the same dream." She spoke the now obvious conclusion aloud for the both of them.

"Yeah.... I... guess we must have." Kaylee was forced to admit, still feeling kind of awestruck and bamboozled. _Maybe I coulda been talking in my sleep, and she overheard me in her sleep?_ She thought to herself. _But, no. I might've said something about chocolate cake, but I wouldn't have gone and narrated the setting like I was reading a novel... would I?_ "What do you think it means?" She asked River softly.

"...Who can say?" River offered, looking as helpless about the whole thing as Kaylee was starting to feel. _Well, at least I'm not alone in that._ Kaylee was relieved to note. "Do you... mind, though? Sharing your dreams with me?" She asked, sounding scared of the answer.

Kaylee thought a moment. Did she? "Um, no, I... don't see why I would be." She said, thinking out loud. "And, um... it helps you sleep, right?"

River nodded in the affirmative.

"Then, I guess it's a good thing, whyever it's happening, isn't it?" Kaylee admitted. She wasn't exactly sure she was entirely comfortable with the idea, but it helped River, that's what mattered most, and, really, she didn't see how it could do any harm. She'd just have to wait and see how it settled out and hope for the best.

"You... really think so?" River asked, her face opening up in relief, gratefulness, joy...

"Yeah..." Kaylee got up and went over to hug her. "Yeah..." She said more softly. "I really do." For some reason, she dared to give River a kiss on the cheek, like River'd given her before.

Their eyes met then, when the hug broke apart, and neither of them spoke, but... damn, Kaylee really did want to kiss her again, and on the lips this time. She didn't though. Instead she just said. "Um, right, well, I'll just go put away the dishes and clean up then. Come help me?" She asked.

"Mm-hmm." River agreed.

So, they went and did that. As they worked at neatening things up though, Kaylee couldn't quite stop thinking... about a lot of things, really... Including kissing...

* * *

That night, Kaylee was still thinking. Still about a lot of things. She'd decided though that she wasn't going to think about the kissing though... No, she was going to deliberately procrastinate about that, for now at least.

She got into bed beside an already sleepy River.

The day had been great. They'd gone walking, had a picnic by the lake, and they told stories about dreams they each remembered having as the sun had set. 

"River...?" She started to ask something, she wasn't sure what.

"Hmm?" River replied.

"You think we're... You think, if it's just us here, we'll be okay? Long term, I mean?" She asked.

"Mmm?" River opened her eyes and Kaylee turned her head so their eyes met. "I'll protect you." River told her, still sounding sleepy. "I always will. We'll protect each other, just like now." She said, reaching out to cup Kaylee's cheek.

Kaylee swallowed and smiled, taking River's hand in hers and kissing her palm for some reason. And, yes, there was that kissing thing again. "Um, yeah, okay then." She said, swallowing. "Time to sleep, I guess...?" She offered.

"...Kaylee?" River asked.

"Yeah?"

"I love you." River told her simply, gazing into her eyes.

"I um... yeah... I love you too, River." Kaylee admitted softly, worried she might-just-might actually mean that in some other way than just the sisterly or friendly one she was fairly certain River must've meant. Because, really, who was she fooling? You didn't daydream about kissing your friends, or your sister. Which, yes, was potentially a problem on all kinds of levels. "If I... If I had to be stranded somewhere with anyone. I glad it was you." She said, instead of going into any of the other thoughts that the confession had brought up for her.

"I'm glad too..." Was all River said before she snuggled up to her and promptly fell off to sleep.

Kaylee held her friend close, thinking about how it felt right now, just holding her like this...

"...Pleasant dreams, River..." Kaylee murmured, running fingers though River's hair a little. She smiled to herself and closed her eyes, letting sleep claim her.

* * *

Wishing you pleasant dreams as well, when next you sleep. Next time: _~ CAVE PAINTINGS ~_

 

Chinese translations:

"Shi." = "Yes."

"Jiujing." = "Exactly."

"ni dong?" = "you know?"


	9. Cave Paintings

Part 2: Quiet Moments 

**Chapter 9: ~ CAVE PAINTINGS ~**

* * *

Four days later, Kaylee and River were in the woods, just exploring around. It was fun, just because she'd always liked walking around out in the wilds back home, but also because River came so alive out here. Growing up and after, River'd never seen wild nature like this (not except for this once on Jiangyin a little while back anyway), so, to her, Kaylee suspected it must seem like a story she'd read about come to real life. She was always investigating this or that, explaining what she thought about birds, or wondering why squirrels acted the way they did. Kaylee inevitably found herself caught up in whatever topic caught River's fancies, if for no other reason than the way River gave her heart to the experience without reserve.

Right now, they were sitting by a group of trees by a rock wall. The wall wasn't a made thing, just something that'd occurred naturally out here, likely there since before even the terraforming. Kaylee'd watched while River'd made some paints from inedible berries and such, and then had proceeded to paint a picture on the rocks of the two of them sitting together and looking up at the sky with Serenity flying by and the waterfall from the lake in the background. Kaylee'd mostly just watched on, silent and fascinated. _Cave paintings_ , River had told her. _To mark us when we're gone_.

The painting was remarkably lifelike for using such seemingly casual lines; the simple lines seeming almost to come alive, just looking at them. It reminded Kaylee of this old woman she'd met in a marketplace once who did calligraphy on cloth banners and sold them as decorations. She'd bought this miniature one, only fourteen by fourteen centimeters. Just one character on it that meant _Luck_. Kaylee'd figured she could hardly go wrong with more luck, after all. She'd not really had near enough money to her name at the time to have been spending it on frivolous fancies or such, but she'd bought the thing anyway, in sheer defiance of the limitations placed upon her by practicality.

Kaylee'd told River how great she thought her cave painting was too, even though it was technically painted on a wall out in the open and would probably be washed away completely by rain within a year's time, and gotten a kind of shy but very pleased sort of smile from River for the saying of it. River had then gone on to tell her a little about how scientists on Earth That Was had found paintings on caves and learned things about their ancestors that way. After she'd finished telling about the cave paintings though, one of those quiet places that happened sometimes when they talked happened, and Kaylee had just now been going to ask if they should get up and head off to explore some more, when River had an idea.

"We should play a game." River offered.

"Um, okay, we could do that. What sorta game?" Kaylee asked, curious and willing to go along. That was the magic of this place, she supposed, that they had to dedicate only a certain modest amount of their time to the practicalities of life, and the rest they had to spend on any sort of frivolous fancy that happened by. It felt freeing, is what.

"I don't know. You can pick." River offered, getting up and taking Kaylee's hand and pulling her up to her feet from sitting.

"Um, okay... Hideaway? ...Tag?" Kaylee tried to think of the games she and her sister'd played back on Isis.

"Tag." River agreed, lightly tapping her on the nose with an index finger and dancing away from her a ways. "You're it." She smiled, turning and running off before Kaylee's eyes.

"River!" Kaylee laughed and ran off after her into the woods, thankful she'd thought to bring along a homing beacon set to lead them back to the shuttle, because no way was she going to remember the way back after this.

Deeper and deeper into the forest she chased, only barely managing to keep River in sight. No sooner would she round a tree, than she'd see River poking her head out from behind another one. "Can't catch me." River teased, skipping away again one time when Kaylee'd gotten close.

Frustrated but undeniably having lots of fun anyway, Kaylee sighed, smiled to herself and kept at it. She ran, she jigged, she jagged, she reached and fell short time and again, until, one time, unexpectedly, she didn't, and there River was: caught in her arms against a tree, the both of them staring into each other's eyes breathing hard, chests heaving and pressed up against one another.

"You caught me." River told her softly.

"Um, yeah... sure looks that way alright." Kaylee said back breathlessly, fighting with herself about that persistent urge she was still having to kiss this woman. She moved in without even meaning to, bringing her lips closer... until she blinked and realized what she'd been about to do, and she stepped back.

"What's wrong?" River asked softly.

"Oh, um, nothing really." Kaylee gave her a quirked smile. "That was fun." She said, stepping closer to River again, telling herself to just get over it already.

River touched the tip of her nose with an index finger just then. "Tag." She said. "You're kind of bad at this game, aren't you?" She asked, eyes dancing with amusement.

Kaylee swallowed, that urge to kiss her coming back stronger than ever. "Um, yeah... sure looks that way, doesn't it? You're um, you're not exactly running away again either though, I should point out?" She offered.

"Caught again then." River said, smiling serenely, looking a little bemused.

"We could just call it a day an head back? It's getting close to evening meal, after all." Kaylee offered.

"Shi. It is." River agreed, kissing Kaylee on the cheek and then dancing off again a few paces away. "Come on." She prompted. "We don't want to be late for the sunset, do we?" She asked.

Kaylee shook her head and smiled, her heart feeling light as she hurried after River, catching up to her without much trouble; which, to her relief, meant River hadn't really been trying to start the game up again. She took River's hand then and they started to walk again in that familiar sort of comfortable silence that they could fall into without even realizing it sometimes. _Why don't I just get it over with and kiss her already?_ Kaylee found herself wondering, her thoughts fighting with her heart, without sides ever having been drawn.

"We could play another game, if you want?" Kaylee found herself asking after a little ways, more to give her something else to think about than because she really wanted to play another game.

"Na yige?" River asked.

"...Guess who?" Kaylee ventured, a feeling of peace settling over her as she listened to the bird song around them and saw the sunlight sparking in a seemingly joyful dance through the tree canopy.

"Shi." River agreed easily, bumping her shoulder lightly. "Shei xian cai?"

"Nin." Kaylee answered.

"Wo." River agreed.

"Hao de... Okay, I got someone. Have at it." Kaylee said, stealing a glance over at River as they walked.

"Are they living or dead?" River asked.

"Living. Zuihou wo ting shuo, zhishao." Kaylee supplied, looking over at River again a little curiously and then looking ahead where they were going.

"Male or female identified?" River asked.

"Male." Kaylee supplied.

"Jonny Nolen?" River asked.

"How'd you know?" Kaylee stopped and turned to her in surprise and wonder.

"He's your favorite male identified singer, and you looked like music when you started the game." River explained, quirking a fond sort of smile as if to say the answer should have been an obvious one. "Your turn to guess?" She asked expectantly.

"Um, right." Kaylee shook her head a little. River really was something sometimes, to have picked up on something like that about her? She really... really must have been paying a lot of attention... to her... Or maybe River just naturally did that for everyone? "Got someone?"

"Shi." River said as they started walking again.

"Living or dead?" Kaylee asked.

* * *

When was the last time you listened to a Jonny Nolan song? Next time: _~ DANCING IN THE DARK ~_

 

Chinese translations:

"Shi." = "Yes."

"Na yige?" = "Which one?"

"Shei xian cai?" = "Who guesses first?"

"Nin." = "You."

"Wo." = "Me."

"Hao de..." = "Alright..."

"Zuihou wo ting shuo, zhishao." = "Last I heard, at least."


	10. Dancing In the Dark

Part 2: Quiet Moments 

**Chapter 10: ~ DANCING IN THE DARK ~**

* * *

In bed the next day after next, after sundown.

There'd been a rainstorm, starting yesterday in the evening and lasting all night and through the day. They'd kept up the their tradition as best they could, sitting in bed and telling stories until it got dark out. It was still coming down outside, you could hear it. A muffled _rata-tat-taping_ on the shuttle in the background. The sound had soon just sort of faded into the background for Kaylee though, so she didn't much notice it anymore.

"If we're stuck here, for good I mean, what do you think we'd do?" Kaylee asked, lying next to River in bed. They'd gotten ready for sleeping an all, but they still had a light on next to the bed and had been talking about this and that, even after they'd finished trading remembrances of sunny days (the sunset topic they'd chosen for the night). It wasn't the first time she'd thought about it, or brought it up, but it occurred to her now they'd probably both been avoiding (for obvious reasons) having a practical discussion on the subject thus far.

They'd been laying there, Kaylee with her arm around River's shoulder, River with her head laying on Kaylee's shoulder, Kaylee's head resting lightly against River's forehead. It was times like this that Kaylee truly realized just how comfortable she'd let herself become in this woman's company. They just did this kind of thing automatically now, and it didn't feel strange to her at all. Like having Ilann back, in a way...

River was silent a few long moments at the question, then she spoke in a quiet thoughtful sort of way. "...We'd grave rob and start a farm, I think. It's logical, isn't it?" River asked, sitting up a little and looking down into Kaylee's eyes, as though seeking confirmation or agreement.

"Grave rob?" Kaylee asked, a little confused. "Oh, you mean, go an... take things from the settlers an all, don't you?" She realized, realizing she'd been caught thinking about River herself, the look in her eyes and.. curve of her lips, rather than paying as much attention to the conversation as she should've been. She immediately felt a little guilty for it, if only for the truth that she had these feelings, romantic leanings perhaps it would be more accurate to say, and had yet to say anything to River about them.

"You have farming expertise from past experience... I don't foresee any difficulties... Unless there's a drought?" River offered, looking at her curiously, brow a little furrowed, as though she were trying to solve the puzzle of her or something. Part of Kaylee wanted to just tell her to have at it, because she really wouldn't mind being solved right about now, she considered.

Kaylee smiled to herself, both at her own thoughts, and at River's proposal. "You an me on a farm, wouldn't that be something?" She mused, her mind drifting unbidden to ideas of marriage, because, well, that traditionally was what two people who started a farm together did before they set out on the venture, now wasn't it? "Certainly be me coming round full circle, now wouldn't it?" She asked softly.

"Full circle?" River asked back just softly, her eyes pulling Kaylee in like the tides.

"Me, starting out on a farm, with a sister by my side, then going up into space, having an adventure... Then here I'd be, on a farm, with you being sister number two." She finished, feeling guilty for being such a coward about it and not telling River what she'd really been thinking. They hadn't even kissed yet though, if they were ever going to, so she had no business bringing up marriage, now did she? ...Even if she couldn't say it exactly sounded like a bad idea to her at this point...

River got this downright consternated look on her face at that. "Will you... Will you stop that already?" She asked, her voice almost pleading.

"Um... stop what, exactly?" Kaylee found herself asking, her heart starting to beat a bit faster in her chest, and a feeling of vague, imminent anticipation tingling up her spine, making her body arch a little.

"...Not kissing me?" River asked hesitantly, moving down and hesitantly brushing her lips against Kaylee's.

Kaylee's thoughts kind of deserted her at that point and she felt her lips parting. River took the invitation and dipped in to give her a real kiss this time. Kaylee felt her body arch again, more fully this time, her arms coming around River's back, embracing her, kissing her back. Her hand came around the back of River's head, and she gently increased the pressure of the kiss. They both gasped softly then, before River was kissing her again and feelings of yearning and want Kaylee hadn't quite been letting herself fully acknowledge came pouring out in a rush and, before she could think better of it, she'd rolled River over onto her back and was rocking against her, River rocking against her right back, holding her, grasping at her shirt.

"Yes... Don't stop..." She heard River murmur... but the words somehow made Kaylee do just that—made her realize what exactly she'd been about to do. She and River'd been not very far at all away from having sex, making love, taking each other's clothes off... or, no, wait, they would have probably done that last one first, right? At least partially...

She backed off and looked down into River's eyes, open, vulnerable, and full of... love for her... "I'm sorry..." Kaylee found herself saying.

"...Why though?" River asked her quizzically, gazing up into her eyes, her voice soft enough to send a new flush of pleasant shivers running through Kaylee's body, just as River started running fingers through her hair.

"Because, well, I um, I think we should talk first. It's the proper thing to do, isn't it?" She asked, making herself be practical and no-nonsense, because that was about the only way her sex-addled head could come up with at the moment to deal with this... you know, other than the taking each other's clothes off option that her crotch brain was advocating for presently.

River sighed. "If we must." She said, her words sounding just a little lyrical and indulgent somehow. 

"Right." Kaylee said, mostly satisfied. 

River rolled Kaylee off her so they were laying on their sides looking into each other's eyes then, and Kaylee lost her train of thought... if she'd really had a proper train of thought in the first place (she rather doubted it).

"...So, what did you want to say?" River prompted patiently, when Kaylee hadn't said anything right off.

"Right um, so... You kissed me, and I kissed you back, and things were all... progressing, like." Kaylee said—and, yes, clearly she was flustered right now. So what? "So, we... obviously feel romantically inclined towards one another, don't you think?"

"Yes." River agreed. "I agree with your conclusion." She said.

"Right, so... How long have you... felt this way about me?" She asked, her words softening as she spoke them.

River looked a little bothered by the question. She closed her eyes, took in a breath, let it out, then opened her eyes to meet Kaylee's gaze again. "I don't know, really? Maybe always?" She offered, bringing a hand up to cup Kaylee's chin and brush a thumb over her lower lip. "My life feels inevitable sometimes, like I've already made all the decisions. You make me feel that way, I think. It's a nice way to feel... Most of the rest of the time, it feels the other way, like I'm falling and grasping for purchase, you know? But, when I'm with you... It feels like falling backwards, maybe that's what flying is like, or maybe it's like drifting on my back, carried by the water. I knew it would happen, I think: that we would kiss this way, that we'd dance, that I'd love you... and you'd love me. Inevitable... isn't it?" She asked, sounding worried for the first time that she might be wrong about the whole thing.

Somehow that worry helped Kaylee's own churned up thoughts and feelings over this calm down and order themselves in a way she hadn't yet managed to coax them into doing previously. So, Kaylee smiled to her and gave her a brief, gentle kiss. "Yeah, I um, I think it just might be at that." She admitted, swallowing on the suddenly intense feeling emotions that welled up inside her chest. "You... never said anything though?" She found herself asking.

"Neither did you." River pointed out logically.

"No, um, no I really didn't, did I? But, you knew anyway, I'm guessing..." She guessed, though it wasn't really a guess. Looking back, it probably should have been obvious to her that River would know. Even without the mysterious mind powers or what have you that she had, that time at the tree when they'd been playing tag had... probably been pretty blatant, hadn't it?

"Sometimes I knew..." River answered. "Other times, I wondered if it might just be wishful thinking. I... I've been in love before once, I'll have you know... I remembered her when they took me away. I thought about her all the time, her and my family, to keep me safe as safe could be... among the wolves. Sometimes, I thought, maybe I just want to feel that way again too much? Like there could be a happily ever after out there for me, like in all the stories... isn't that what all sane people want for themselves?"

"...What was her name?" Kaylee asked softly, unable to help thinking about her own _I've been in love once before_.

"Ella Dannan." River told her back. "We used to go dancing... I still wonder sometimes what became of her... I hope she found someone else to dance with..."

Kaylee was caught trapped in River's eyes then, her heart drawn in besides. "I could take you dancing..." She found herself saying, her heart speeding up, warmth spreading over her body with renewed heat, from head, to toes, to fingertips.

River smiled to her then, her hand caressing Kaylee's cheek. "Alright..." She said, moving to sit up in bed.

Kaylee rolled back a ways to look up at her, smiled, and, when River met her eyes again, she sat up too, moving to bring her lips to River's again in a soft, slow, sensual and very deliberate sort of kiss. It was the kind of kiss that said you had intentions, and not just of the take off our clothes variety. Because, she was realizing, she did actually have those sorts of intentions, the kind that might lead to a marriage down the line somewhere, if everything went the right way. Which wasn't to say she wasn't looking to be taking off some clothing in the near future, of course. No, now that she'd let herself kiss this woman, now that River had made it clear she felt the same way, she wasn't about not to do clothesless activities with her.

The kiss broke by degrees then, and Kaylee said "So... let's go dancing." And River was looking at her in a lovestruck way that made Kaylee think maybe she hadn't heard a word she'd just said, which was... both flattering, and very nice to know, really. She smiled to her friend then, and sat back, taking River's hand in hers and leading the her off the bed, out onto the shuttle's floor, River following right along wordlessly.

River stepped forward into her arms, gazing into her eyes with a small, happy smile on her lips. Then River kissed her, long and knowing, and they were both breathing hard when it was over. "There um, isn't any music." Kaylee said softly.

"Wait." River said, moving back from her and then turning to go to the nearby console. A moment later, a low melody, rich with piano music and the Spanish guitar, filled the room. River stood and their eyes met and River held out her hand. Kaylee smiled, her heart beating faster than when River'd kissed her for the first time just moments before. This was different. This was something to choose with your eyes wide open and your heart on your sleeve. She took that step forward then, and the ones that followed, and she went to her.

They smiled to each other, managed to put their hands and feet in all the right places, and, by seeming mutual consent, they started to dance. 

River lead at first, then, as they moved, Kaylee sensed her partner yield, and she took up the lead. They didn't speak, just danced. Kaylee felt her heart in the throat and her yearning grow all the more. And, yeah... she realized, she really was falling in love again. It hadn't exactly been what she'd expected, but, then, she rather suspected it never was for this sort of thing.

Who was leading seemed to get lost at some point, so that, by the third song, they'd just settled into each other's arms and were swaying to the music. "This is perfect..." River murmured to her.

Kaylee hummed to her in agreement. It felt like magic, dancing this way with her.

River took a step back from her then, their eyes meeting. River's gaze was shy but knowing, wanting and with a power to it that drew Kaylee in all over again, in a way she couldn't imagine ever being so foolish as to want to say no to. "Come to bed?" River asked simply.

"Shi..." Kaylee said, letting herself be led back to the bed.

The next thing she really knew, River was on top of her and they were taking each other's clothes off, all heat and need between them. Kaylee gasped when River almost tackled her in a kiss, cupping the back of her head with one hand while holding her hand with the other, both of them rocking into each other. "Yes..." Kaylee breathed, wanting this so much she could hardly endure it. She wanted River to touch her, everywhere. She wanted to grasp at her, melt into her, get lost in her until the morning's light.

So, well, that was just what she did, her and River both...

* * *

What's your favorite memory of going dancing, do you think? Next time: _~ WAKING IN THE LIGHT ~_

 

Chinese translations:

"Shi." = "Yes."


	11. Waking In The Light

Part 2: Quiet Moments 

**Chapter 11: ~ WAKING IN THE LIGHT ~**

* * *

Kaylee stood there, looking around. She was early, she knew that. Still, it was a little of a letdown that River wasn't here yet.

She looked up at the sky, saw the cars flying overhead, the monorails, the sleek and artful buildings of Mendes, capitol city of Osiris, one of the Alliance core worlds. It was a strange feeling. It felt like she'd grown up here and knew it for rote, but, simultaneously, also almost like she was visiting for the very first time.

A woman's arms wrapped around her waist from behind and a woman's body pressed up against hers. "Hey, stranger." River said. "Fancy meeting you here."

Kaylee laughed a soft, happy sort of laugh, and turned in her girlfriend's arms to give her a kiss hello. She felt the excitement of it rush over her, and the peace of it too. Everything felt new, and everything felt timeless. The kiss parted and River stepped away, twirling her about a little on her feet. "Ready the have an adventure?" She asked.

"When am I ever not, where you're concerned?" Kaylee asked, laughing as they settled down and she moved in to kiss River again, just briefly.

"There's always a first time, ni bu zhidao ma?" River teased, taking her hand in hers. "Come on, let's go."

And Kaylee did, heading off with her into the park. They bought breakfast—stir fry with rice, satsuma oranges, and chai tea—at the food vendor's carts and they walked to the lake, sitting down on a bench by the shore to eat together there. 

"Do you think I'd make a good doctor, like my brother?" River asked at one point later, the food already close to gone.

"I thought you were going to be a dancer?" Kaylee asked, eating another orange carpel.

"I was but, I don't know, it seems like dancing in front of a crowd just takes all the fun out of it after a while. That's the problem with leaving so much open to interpretation, you know? It tends to go wrong sometimes, and someone always needs to take the blame. But, come on, really, what do you think? Think I'd made a good doctor? Going around healing people all the time, being important, making life or death decisions...? You wouldn't think something like that would ever get old." River explained.

"No... I don't suppose you'd think so, would you?" Kaylee answered indulgently.

"What's that supposed to mean?" River asked her playfully. "You think I'm being hopelessly optimistic, don't you? It's all right, you can tell me if that's what it is."

Kaylee just bumped her shoulder. "No, I think you'd make a great doctor, really. I guess... I just don't like the idea of you spending so much time away from me. I've kind of gotten used to having you around, you know?" She confessed.

"Really?" River asked. "You didn't used to think so."

"No, I always did. It just took me a while to figure you out properly, that's all." Kaylee explained, in her own defense.

"Think you've got me all worked out then, is that it? We haven't been dating for all _that_ long, I'll have you know." River teased.

"I know enough." Kaylee bantered back.

"Oh, you do, huh?" River countered. "Care to make a wager on that?"

Kaylee laughed a little. "Alright. Name me your challenge, and tell me the stakes."

River just moved in and gave her a kiss. "I'm the stakes, and you're the challenge." She told her, just softly.

"...What does that even mean, though?" Kaylee asked.

River just shook her head. "I don't know. It just seemed like the right thing to say just then." She admitted. "Mysterious, right?"

Kaylee laughed. "Completely enigmatic. It's almost like I don't even know you at all anymore." Kaylee bantered back airily.

They were silent a moment. "It's so pretty here, isn't it?" River asked. "I've always thought so."

"Yeah. Yeah, it really is." Kaylee agreed softly, reaching out to take River's hand in hers for a moment as they gazed out over the lake to the shore beyond for a few peaceful moments.

After that, finished their meal, and River asked her if she wanted to go to a local jazz club she knew to hear poetry. Kaylee said yes, because she'd always wanted to do something like that in a big city. So they walked back out through the park and found their way to the nearest monorail station to take them downtown.

The view of the city from above as they rode was not just a little breathtaking.

"So, if I'm not going to be a doctor..." River began at one point.

"Do... you really want to be, though?" Kaylee found herself asking, feeling like she'd been maybe too selfish before.

River shook her head though. "Not really. It's more I don't really know what I want to be, or who I want to be... I mean, I want to be in love with you, obviously, because here we are and all, but other than that? I don't know... I guess I just thought, you know, my brother does it, and he... kind of sets a good example, you know...?"

"Yeah, I can kind of see that..." River agreed. "Sometimes a brother can a lot to live up to. I know it feels like that for me with my sister sometimes. She who can do no wrong, who's following in the family tradition and whatnot. But I think it's a harder rode to travel, don't you—setting out on your own to do something unexpected?"

"Getting a berth on a cruise liner, you mean? So you can travel the stars and fix engines along the way?" River teased.

"I never said I want to do that for sure." Kaylee temporized. "And I'd... You know, I think I'd only really want to do that if I had someone to keep me company... I don't think having an adventure would be nearly as much fun, just doing it by my lonesome. I think I might have tried that once, in a past life or something." She said.

"Is that what you want out of life though? To have an adventure?" River asked.

"Sure." Kaylee admitted. "I haven't exactly kept it a secret, have I?"

River shook her head. "No, ni yiding meiyou."

"But, you're right too: just like you said, I want to be in love with you, otherwise I wouldn't be here, would I...? I think I might want that more than an adventure. Maybe... Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to settle down and just... fix air cars or something, if I got to do it with you?" She asked.

"You, Kaylee Frye, are a starry-eyed romantic, if ever there was one." River teased her. "And you deserve a kiss."

And then they kissed.

A few minutes later, the monorail stopped at the station they'd wanted, so they got off, took a lift tube down to street level, and walked to the jazz club. They spent a few hours there, listening the music and poetry, and chatting together intermittently while the music played, then they left to go have lunch.

They stopped at a little bistro that served gourmet pizza. They got four big slices of different pizzas—two of them mushroom lovers', one spinach and artichoke style, and one with a hash brown theme (because River insisted Kaylee had to try it).

From there, they went dancing at a club and then ended up back at Kaylee's apartment an hour after dark. They were just getting in the door, when the world seemed to get hazy and start to fade away, and... Kaylee realized, she'd been dreaming...

* * *

Kaylee blinked her eyes open vaguely, the details of the dream, so clear to her moments before, fled from her thoughts like most dreams tended to do. The important things though, those she felt like she'd remember for the rest of her life... just like what happened between her and River last night, and just like she'd remember what she was feeling right now, her and River waking in each other's arms this way; River's body laying against hers, and the way it felt to hold her, the way it felt to be held right back.

River began to stir then, and Kaylee blinked her eyes open into a world filled with the morning's sunlight. She blinked the dazzle from her eyes and the sleep from her mind to find River gazing down at her, sunlight making her hair glow like a halo, and a gentle, happy smile on her lips.

"Hey, you." Kaylee returned the smile. "Fancy meeting you here."

Kaylee giggled lightly and laid down next to her. "Think you're so clever, you're going to seduce me into your bed all over again." She teased.

Kaylee had to smirk a little at that. "Would that be such a bad thing? Though, you know, the bed belongs to both of us, and you _were_ the one to make the first move."

River let out a negligent sigh of a breath. "Technicalities." She dismissed.

"If you say so." Kaylee just said.

"Well I did, weren't you paying attention?" River asked in a voice suddenly gone a little sultry, running fingers down the length of one of Kaylee's arms in a deliberately absent sort of fashion, all the while moving up so that she was all the more on top of her, their chests pressing together in a way that had Kaylee sucking in a breath at decidedly wanton the things River was making her feel all the sudden.

"Who was it now that was supposedly doing the seducing around here?" Kaylee asked, tilting her head to the side, cupping River's cheek in the palm of her hand, and gazing into her lover's eyes.

"You are." River went blithely on. "It's obvious." She said, moving in to begin a kiss. It was gentle and sweet and almost made Kaylee think she might just still be dreaming.

The kiss lasted and continued into a very pleasant string of them that had Kaylee feeling warm and amazing all over all over again, passion for this flushing through her with an almost startling force.

She moaned a little at one point and so did River. Slowly, River backed off though, laying her head down next to Kaylee's. It left Kaylee catching her breath, her heart racing a little in her chest. "Zhe shi wo xiang meitian chongfu xing lai de yi zhong fangfa." Kaylee said under her breath.

River hummed happily, snuggling up to her that much more. "Tongyang." She said positively.

Kaylee let out a breath. "...That's..." She let her thoughts drift a little. "That was the first time we dreamt about something from you, wasn't it?" She asked, knowing that anything about River's life back on Osiris could easily become a touchy subject.

"...It was..." River said softly, not offering anything more.

They lay there in silence for a little while before Kaylee got up the gumption to say something more. "It was... I don't remember the details so much, but... I know we went on a date. Spent the day together... I know you were different too, probably like you used to be?" She ventured.

"...I try to be her sometimes, you know? For me... and for you... It never actually works." River admitted.

"Last night it did?" Kaylee ventured.

"Last night it did." River agreed. "I... wasn't trying to do it or anything, though. I didn't make it happen... or maybe I did, just not intentionally. I don't know..." River said, moving to disengage from her.

Kaylee watched as River got up to sitting and did a few stretches. She'd admit, she did get a little lost in the curve of River's back and the way her chest arched forward, all... perky-like... She remembered having her lips on those breasts last night, remembered nipping at them, and... doing other things too... She snapped herself right out of that train thought. _Not_ the time. She got herself up to sitting too and went over to comfort her lover. "It's alright..." She said, wrapping her arms around River from behind. "I'm here, and... you can tell me anything. Anything you want..."

River let out another breath. "...Do you like her better than me?" River finally asked, sounding as small as Kaylee'd ever heard her.

"...I hadn't really seen the difference... or, not that way, at least." Kaylee corrected. "She was still you, and you're still her I think, or it felt that way to me anyway... I do love you, you know? I... I wasn't just saying it or anything. That means... That means something, and that's a fact you can count on, dong ma?" She offered.

"...What does it mean, then?" River asked, sounding more sure of herself again—still vulnerable, but also curious and hopeful now.

"...That I accept you, that I _want_ you... Want to be with you... All the way, you know? Who you were, who you are, who you will be... I... I don't think that could make me feel differently about you. I'll... I'll love you, and I'll be your friend regardless... because that's who I want to be, and it's who I think... you're always going to be for me, no matter what... That's... That's love, right?" Kaylee asked, feeling not just a little bit vulnerable leaving herself so open like that... but River needed her to be brave and to finally admit to the both of them the truth of the feelings that'd been growing inside her all this time, so that's what she'd done, because... because it really was true, and she'd realized just how true as she'd said the words. River had touched her somehow, this last month or so, and... even before, even right from the start—touched her in a way no one ever had before.

River was silent and it took Kaylee a moment longer than maybe it should have to realize she was crying.

"Hey..." Kaylee soothed her, holding her closer and rocking her. "Hey... It's okay, you know? I'm here..." She murmured to her.

They sat like that for long minutes and neither of them said anything else, River just sank back into her arms and Kaylee just held her. Until, in time, River rubbed at her eyes and seemed to come back to herself. "I'll um... I'll make breakfast for us..." She said, sitting up, Kaylee letting her arms drop as she did.

"Yeah... Yeah, okay. Want me to help?" Kaylee asked.

River didn't turn to look at her, but she answered. "Shi." Spoken softly.

So Kaylee watched River get off the bed, and she followed along. The two went about their morning routine: getting dressed, using the facilities, etc... Then they made breakfast together, determining to have a bath a while later.

"I..." River started to speak as she set about chopping some cassava root and amaranth from their gathered stores. "I remember thinking last night, that I wish that's what it'd been like for us. That I'd known you there, when I was the other me, when I was who I'd been meant to be... I remember, I wished you'd known me then. Wished maybe none of the bad things had happened at all. No men in the shadows to take me away... Nothing about myself I don't know how to deal with or even explain, and, and no hollow people in the dark, haunting the edges of us..."

"...That's where the dream came from then, you're saying?" Kaylee asked, realizing that River's longing for the life she wished she had must have been why they'd dreamed what they had together last night.

"Shi..." River said.

"You can show me things like that, you know? It doesn't always have to be... about me, in the dreams... dong ma?" She asked.

River just looked at her. "You're dreams are better." Was all she said, before going back to her chopping.

Kaylee looked on a moment before saying: "Well, you're welcome then, any time." She said, just because she thought it was worth saying again right now. She remembered so many of the other dreams they'd had... mostly, just about her life back on Isis, on the farm, in town, in the hills, River there with her... She treasured the memories of them she'd managed to keep, of all of them...

"...I know, you said that before." River said softly. "I'm grateful." She told her.

* * *

If you could choose your dreams, what would you dream of tonight? Next time: _~ AT THE HEART OF ALL THINGS ~_

 

Chinese translations:

"ni bu zhidao ma?" = "don't you know?"

"ni yiding meiyou." = "you surely haven't."

"Zhe shi wo xiang meitian chongfu xing lai de yi zhong fangfa." = "That's one way to wake up I'd like to repeat daily." 

"Tongyang." = Likewise."

"dong ma?" = "understand?"

"Shi" = "Yes"


	12. At The Heart Of All Things

Part 3: Echoes Of An Old War 

**Chapter 12: ~ AT THE HEART OF ALL THINGS ~**

* * *

Two days later, in the morning and at the lake.

She and River had been swimming for what must be an hour by now and Kaylee was feeling like a breather was in order. "I think I need a break." Kaylee told her, turning to head back to shore.

"I'll go with you." River said, following.

Kaylee got out of the water and sat on the shore, her feet dangling in the water. River was still heading her way, apparently in no hurry. Kaylee looked up at the scene in front of her: the sunny day, the forest, the lake, the waterfall, sunlight glimmering in the spray from the fall... Her mind drifted and she felt like she was far away and up above somehow, looking down on something impossibly vast... Lights and shadow... moving, flaring, dimming, swirling, ominous, scared, brave, loved...

Then River surfaced in front of her and it was gone. "Kaylee?" River asked.

Kaylee, a little caught off guard, met River's eyes and was startled by what she felt... This sudden, visceral connection between them, this need that felt almost like... music. She and River gasped at the same exact moment just then.

"...What just happened?" Kaylee asked softly.

"...We made music." River said, sounding not at all sure of herself.

"...You don't know, do you?" Kaylee asked.

River just shook her head. "It was a good thing though, don't you think so?" She asked, clearly hoping for reassurance, and... maybe for acceptance too?

Kaylee just smiled. "You're always good for me, River. If I have faith in anything, I have faith in that..." She told her.

River quirked and amused smile at that. "You think so, do you?" She asked.

"I just said I did, didn't I?" Kaylee said, bending forward in a little of a dare.

"Mm-hmm. You did." River said, taking Kaylee's hand in hers and smoothly pulling her back into the water with her without her permission.

Kaylee let out a not entirely surprised sort of meep, tumbling in and down with her lover in a confused tangle of limbs she was sure River couldn't have planned on, the two of them surfacing moments later, laughing and gasping for air. When they caught their breaths, Kaylee kissed her because she couldn't and didn't want to top herself from doing it. She kissed River and kissed her some more, backing her up against the lakeside's sheer edge and kissing her until they were both lacking for air again. 

They gasped for the second time then, and Kaylee found herself staring hungrily into River's eyes, River staring back at her with naked need and wanting in her own eyes and in the parting of her lips. Kaylee felt that thrumming, inexplicable connection between them again, just for an instant. "I love you so much..." Kaylee found herself saying, feeling a little desperate in her heart, because what she was feeling felt like a runaway train or a ship in freefall with glitchy sensors.

"Prove it." Was all River said, moving against her, dipping her head forward to pick up the kiss where they'd left off.

Kaylee moaned as the need to do just that came over her all over again, if anything, stronger. She felt like she needed River's lips and hands on her, her body against hers, as much or more than she needed air to breathe...

* * *

That night, in bed after sunset.

River was on her hands and knees, above Kaylee looking down into her eyes. Kaylee reached up and cupped her cheek, and River's eyes fluttered closed for a long moment. Kaylee just watched her then, taking in the trust they had between them, the trust River had in her, and feeling the trust she had in River... She remembered that morning, that sensation as she'd been sitting by the edge of the lake. She didn't know how to describe it to herself, and she hadn't brought it up with River, not yet. She should though, she knew that... they dreamed the same dreams every night, after all. And that connection— _music_ , River'd called it... Romantic ideals all aside, what did it actually mean to her? For River...? Was it... Was it even safe? How could they know?

She'd been avoiding thinking about that all day, she admitted to herself... Avoiding talking about it with River, at any rate. They really did need to though, she supposed.

River's eyes opened then and met hers again. "You're worried, aren't you?" River asked softly.

"I... Yeah." Kaylee admitted. She supposed she shouldn't really be surprised. River could be beyond intuitive at times, really she could. Sometimes almost to the point where Kaylee wondered if the other woman could read her mind somehow. She didn't think that though, not really, and it wasn't a consistent thing either. Sometimes River could even be her own particular kind of cutely oblivious... "I think there's probably a conversation we should have." She clarified in a quiet voice.

"If you want..." River said, letting out a breath and laying down next to her, resting her head on Kaylee's shoulder. "What should we talk about?" She asked, moving her hand so her fingertips touched Kaylee's. River pushed so their fingers made a tent, then slid her fingers to the side to laced them together so they were holding hands.

Kaylee squeezed River's hand gently, as reassured by the simple connection as River herself probably was right now. "This morning, by the lake..."

"You saw something." River finished softly. "I think I could tell that..." She mused.

"You didn't say anything?" Kaylee asked.

She could tell River smiled against her skin at that. "You were very distracting..." She pointed out.

Kaylee cradled River a little close to her at that, resting her head against River's forehead and closing her eyes. "Yeah, there was that too..." She admitted. "I feel... It's like, in the stories, they talk about needing, you know, in a romantic kind of way... I... don't think I've ever really understood that until you, not really..."

"...Me either..." River confessed.

"Yeah, well... that's good then..." She trailed off. "But, um... back to, um, back to before that, when I was sitting there, looking at the falls and the sky..."

"You saw something." River repeated. "...What did you see?" She asked.

"...Maybe everything...?" Kaylee admitted in quiet, awed, but also not unintimidated sort of way.

"Oh... that..." River said, sounding not too terribly thrilled to be talking about any of this either.

"So... It was from you then, like the dreams?" Kaylee asked, because she felt like it really was something she should know.

"Mmm..." River said. "It happens sometimes, to me anyway." She confirmed. "Infinite moving plays of shadow and light. It can make you feel like you're God..." She trailed off. "I mostly try not to think about it."

"...What other kinds of things do you see?" Kaylee found herself asking, suddenly really wanting to understand this. Her. What she was, not just who she was; because, if she'd ever known who anybody was, she thought she probably did know who River Tam was.

"...Patterns... Prophesy... Memories? Memories that aren't mine, and things I shouldn't know. Too many sometimes, in the silence... It's better when you're here..." River admitted. "I can sleep, and... you distract me..." She admitted, smiling against Kaylee's skin again. "You make me feel happy." She told her simply.

"...Likewise, about the happiness I mean." Kaylee said, thinking again just how grateful she was for that, and just having River here with her. "Do... you think I'll get any more glimpses like that, then?" She asked. "...Is it because we dream together?"

"...That... or the other thing. The music..." She said, sounding almost lost in thought, or... maybe just a little lost, because maybe it wasn't something that it was all too comfortable for her to think or be talking about?

"It was... It was, _is_ , a connection, isn't it? Maybe the same sort of one where the dreams happen, but it's..." Kaylee trailed off.

"Art?" River asked. "All music is art... but the very _good_ music, the songs that inspire, move you, fill up your heart with could-bes and better worlds... That's what I mean. It's what... we could mean... Maybe... what we mean already?"

"...Maybe so..." Kaylee had to admit, even as she felt that same music come back between them again. She closed her eyes and tears fell. Not sad tears, but... maybe the kind you got listening to... music... very good music...

River moved, kissed her then, and, in an inevitable sort of way, they made love again.

* * *

Later that night, as her third orgasm flushed through her, Kaylee arched and cried out, falling into River's arms, holding on... She felt scared, in that way that it's good to be scared, but she felt hope too. She was in love, in a way that was at once familiar, in the way that all love is always familiar, and not, in the way that feeling this was something totally beyond the scope of her previous experience.

Long minutes and several kisses later, they held each other and Kaylee finally asked. "...Is it safe, do you think?"

"Safe?" River asked faintly.

"Us, together... The music, the dreams, the... view from on high... Could this hurt you?" She asked, her last words as faint sounding as River's had been.

"...Yes. It's safe. I promise..." River told her.

The thing was, for the first time ever, Kaylee found herself wondering if River... might just lie to her sometimes?

* * *

Midafternoon, by the lake the next day.

They'd somehow started talking about their exes. Kaylee supposed it was inevitable for any couple, but she'd never done it before. With Dey, her first boyfriend, there'd been no exes for either of them to talk about. With Cora, they'd... both already known that about each other. And, after that... well, she'd done her level best to avoid the topic, now hadn't she?

River, as it turned out, only'd had two previous romances in her life. Ella Dannan, the... girl who'd taken her dancing, and Alexa Martez, her first girlfriend, whom River didn't seem inclined to talk much about (it was an inclination Kaylee could easily empathize with).

"I was sitting alone in the park one day, not long after Alexa and I broke up." River was telling her. "I was letting my mind wonder, thinking about love—what it was, what I'd hoped it would be one day, and how it could seemingly take over my mind without so much as a _by your leave_. I did want to stop thinking about her, I'll have you know, about Alexa, and whether or not I could have or should have acted differently... Heartbreak makes you question yourself in a singularly excruciating sort of way, don't you find?"

"Truth..." Kaylee had to agree.

"I was absorbed—listening to the mill of people, watching the sky, feeling the breeze on my skin and in my hair, when a girl tapped me on the shoulder. I blinked, and turned to look up at her... She was smiling at me like I was the most curious and captivating sight she'd ever seen, and she couldn't wait to puzzle me out. I couldn't help but smile back, and, maybe also... feel the same way towards her and want to puzzle her out too. She was beautiful, though not in a showy kind of way. In an honest way..." River told her story.

Kaylee couldn't help the very unpleasant twist of jealousy that was squirming in her belly as River talked about this woman, this girl, that way. She told herself to knock it off, but the effort really only proved marginally effective. Thankfully, River was caught up in her story and didn't seem to notice.

"She asked if she could sit with me and I said that she could." River continued, sounding wistful, wondering and shy all at once. "We talked, and she confessed to me that she'd admired me from afar for some months now. She said I was brilliant and beautiful and that she wanted very much to get to know me better. We had several classes together, as it turned out, and I did belatedly recognize her of course. I only hadn't because I'd been caught so by surprise... She asked if I'd like to court with her and, after only a moment's hesitation, I said that I would.

"We went walking about the city together right then, that afternoon." River told her. "We went dancing that night... I'd taken Alexa dancing several times, you understand, but it'd never felt the way it felt to dance with her..." River looked over and met Kaylee's eyes then. "The way... it feels to dance with you..." She told her shyly.

Kaylee swallowed, touched, but also... What River'd just described, it sounded so much like the dream they'd had, of being on Osiris together... She couldn't help feeling, wondering, just how much River might be looking at her like a replacement for the girl she'd loved and lost once upon a time.

River's eyes widened a little. "I've... I've hurt you, saying these things, haven't I?" She asked hesitantly, with obvious self-recrimination evident.

"I um, maybe, yeah... I guess it doesn't exactly feel great, I'll admit." Kaylee had to be honest about it, even if she really very much did not like the idea that she'd been the one to put that hesitancy and guilt in River's voice. Lying about things like this though, just... it wasn't the way to treat someone you were in love with—not if you didn't want to ruin it. She'd learned that lesson the hard way once already in her life, and she wasn't in any hurry to suffer through a refresher course on the matter.

"I'm sorry..." River told her, reaching over to caress her forearm and then touch her hair. "Tell me what's wrong?" she asked.

Kaylee let out a breath of relief that River's reaction had been so understanding, bringing a hand of her own up to hold River's and moving to kiss the palm of her lover's hand. "Probably nothing, really." She admitted, taking River's hand and holding it in hers on her lap. "I just..." She looked down at their joined hands. "What you were saying, it sounded so much like that dream we had together, about that other life we never had, on Osiris, where you grew up..." She made herself look up and over to meet River's worried gazed, again marveling at how breathtaking River could look under a sunlit sky. "I guess it, well, it made me feel like I... like you might see me as her replacement or something. I don't want to think that, I just... You know, like you said: heartbreak, even the vague prospect of it can twist you up inside out of the blue sometimes, right?"

River smiled, looking a little uncertain of herself. "It can..." She admitted. "I..." She furrowed her brow, thinking, and it made Kaylee smile because it was an inarguably adorable look on her. She met Kaylee's eyes. "I don't know... You might be right about me, at least a little bit." She confessed, sounding miserable and guilty. "I'm... I'm sorry..." She repeated.

 _Okay_ , Kaylee thought to herself, _so... yeah, that hurt_ , rather surprisingly more than she would have thought it could. "I... um, okay, wasn't what I was hoping to hear, but at least you're honest, I'll... I'll give you that alright." She said, as much to herself as to River. She wasn't going to cry though, she told herself stubbornly. River's hand cupped her cheek then and Kaylee had to make herself not flinch away. She let River tilt her chin up so their eyes met again. "I..." But River shook her head and Kaylee silenced.

"I... I don't mean it that way." River told her. "You are not a... You aren't her, I know that, but..." She let her hand drop. "I do feel..." She looked down a moment. "So angry sometimes, for what and... for who I've lost. Sometimes I even feel like I've lost my very self. At least I did feel that way, until I met you." She met Kaylee's eyes then, and Kaylee couldn't help that her heart went out to her over this. She couldn't help but be curious and hopeful about where the thought was heading too. "I know I can never be her again, the girl used to be. I know I can't have the life I always thought I'd have, but..."

"But you still want it?" Kaylee asked. "Or, at least... a part of you does?"

River nodded agreement. "So, yes... It does..." She smiled, warm and kind of tremulous, bringing her hand up to cup Kaylee's cheek again. "It does feel to me like, being with you... falling in love again, I'm... I'm getting the most important part of that life back somehow—like I'm getting the most important part of _me_ back. And you, you're the one giving me that... You- It's not- I'm not pretending like you're her or she's you, if that's what you're worried about, but..." She trailed off.

Kaylee felt emotion welling up in her and she moved to kiss her lover. River was surprised, but yielding, melting against the gentle, insistent press of her lips. They kissed for long moments, one kiss leading into another. River moaned softly, and Kaylee heard herself do the same thing. Then she broke their kissing a bit at a time and she spoke. "I get it..." She said, because she did. "I maybe even feel a little bit the same way sometimes, actually... now that you mention it." She confessed. "At least, about maybe wishing a few things in my life went a different way, and... being grateful I found someone who's got me feeling things I haven't felt in a good long while either..."

"Oh..." Was all River said back, before she dared looking up to meet Kaylee's eyes again. She smiled a little. "Then, it's a good thing we met... isn't it?" She asked.

"Yeah... Yeah, it really is." Kaylee agreed.

River was silent.

"You can, um... You can go on with your story? You know, if you want to?" Kaylee offered, all at once embarrassed at having made something out of nothing and having interrupted River's story because of it.

River shook her head, smiling a little. "It isn't that much more to say, really... We were happy. I fell in love. My parents sent me away to a school. I didn't want to go, but they insisted. I missed her. I cried. I learned things, became things, and I suffered... Simon came, and I was in no shape. I never saw her again, but... I saw you." River told her with simple honesty. She smiled a little, optimism evident. "Despite everything, I think it might just have all been for the best?" She offered up the banter, even though Kaylee suspected, or maybe hoped, that there might just be some amount of truth in what she'd just said.

"For the best, huh?" Kaylee couldn't help but smile. "Stranding and all?"

"Well... I do worry for Simon, and for the rest of Serenity's crew, of course, but, leaving aside that... I think the stranding's turned out pretty well for me—for both of us, I hope..." River offered, her voice growing soft, even as she quirked a small smile that had Kaylee's heart melting for this woman all over again.

She swallowed. "Yeah... I'd um, I'd say it has at that." She admitted.

"That's... um, that's good." River told her, sounding shy.

Kaylee just gave her a smile.

Neither of them said anything for a little bit, just gazing into each other's eyes.

"...Kaylee?" River finally asked.

"Yeah?" Kaylee asked.

"Are we still talking about what we were talking about?" River asked.

"Um, if you want to be?" Kaylee asked.

"Then... Tell me about you?" River asked. "You've been in love before, at least once, maybe twice. I can tell that. I can... I can tell it makes you sad sometimes?" She offered.

"Oh, um, yeah... Yeah, I was, and... yeah, it does at that..." Kaylee had confess. It was only fair, after all.

"You don't have to tell me." River offered gently.

"No, I know, but, yeah... I can talk about it some, if you want...?" She offered.

River nodded.

"Right..." She let out a breath and then took one in. "So, my first love, his name was Deylin Talwin, and I knew him growing up. Him and his family. His brother and sister, his dads, they had a farm down the way, I... I think I've mentioned them to you before a time or two?" They'd talked a lot, after all.

River nodded.

"Well, he was sweet and nice and I fell in love with him..." Kaylee continued. "And then, then it all broke apart and I left home... and here I am." She said, all the sudden feeling very uncomfortable about the whole thing.

River gave her an encouraging smile, an understanding smile, and it really just made Kaylee feel all the more guilty about it. "What was he like?" River asked.

"...An optimist, through and through." Kaylee answered. "People even said he was saintly sometimes; you know, to tease him. Not that it wasn't true. It probably was..." She trailed off again. "Probably deserved better than me, I'll say that." She confessed.

"...Why?" River asked simply.

Kaylee met her eyes a moment, then looked down. "Cause I cheated on him, that's why...?" She admitted, feeling about as much like she'd wish she could just turn invisible and hide as she'd ever felt in her life.

"...Oh..." River said, sounding a little dazed by that—which, you know, it was understandable, Kaylee had to admit. Knowing River as she had, she was dead sure the idea of doing that to someone she was with probably never would've even _occurred_ to her.

"Yeah... Not my most shining moment, I can agree." She said in a small voice.

"What happened?" River asked, gentle and curious... if not, Kaylee could tell, entirely understanding.

Kaylee sighed. "We had an argument? That internship meant he'd be eight months up in orbit away from me if he got it, and what did that even mean about what he might get up to after it was over? We had plans, you know, and that wasn't them... I got mad, yelled at him, then I went on a camping trip with his brother and sister and ended up spending the night in his sister's tent, being unfaithful with my clothes off... Wish I could say I was drunk or on something, but I wasn't..." She told her the brutal truth. Not that she wanted to, but... she figured, River really did deserve to know that she was the kind of person who'd done this sort of thing, back during her own once upon a time. Hopefully, she done some growing up and learned some things that were worthwhile along the way since then, but, well... Who was to say? Maybe she hadn't...

River looked bothered by that, looking down at her lap. She looked up to her then. "Could you explain it to me more? ...Tell me the whole story, so I can understand?" She asked.

Kaylee just looked at her a moment, caught a little flatfooted. She let out a breath though. "Yeah... Yeah, I think I could do that for you." She agreed. "...So, um, well, the day we had that argument," She started, looking off at the sunset as she spoke. "That day, Ilann was out with Alisandra and her friends, going to one of Alisandra's religious things... She went to the church of Demeter, like I told you before... So I was sitting at home feeling angry and sorry for myself and wishing my sister was there to talk some sense into me like she usually did. Coralynn, that's Dey's sister name, she called me and said she was putting together a camping trip and, since Dey was off in the city on that interview of his, the one I was... less than happy that he was going on at the time, and would I like to go with her. She was having problems with her girlfriend and she didn't want to be alone with her particularly. I thought: sure, why not? ... So Coralynn, Tracery, Mason, and I went out camping in the hills together...

"Tracery Anders, she was Cora's girlfriend back then, and Mason, he's Dey and Cora's older brother..." Kaylee trailed off. "Things were going along fine at first... Or, not exactly fine, more just, you know, not _bad_. Coralynn and Tracery were trying to be normal, even though you could tell there was tension, and Mason and I got to talking. He was always easy to talk with, you know? One of those people you could meet on the street and feel comfortable telling your deepest, darkest secrets to in no time at all, because you could just tell that he, well, he wouldn't judge you for it... I didn't talk about Dey with him though, that just didn't seem fair, but... anyway, I sort of ended up making a pass at him before I really realized what I was doing. I was just, I don't know... Maybe I wanted him to be a replacement for his brother? Maybe it was just that I was feeling all twisted up and achy inside and I wanted to have sex with him so I'd feel better? Or, could be I was angry enough at Dey for hurting me I just plain wanted to hurt him right back... 

"I'd like to say I wouldn't've really taken it that far if Mason'd taken me up on it, but I think that'd probably be a lie, given what happened later that evening. I just... I was young and I was hurt and Mason was always so nice to me. Cora... Cora too. I always liked spending time with their family. They're good people, in a way people so rarely are. And, well, in one of those quirks of bad timing that you never think will actually happen to you in real life, Tracery and Coralynn got into a fight that same night. Something to do with Tracery accusing Cora of being emotionally unavailable, and Cora saying she didn't know her at all if she thought that was true. It was hard to listen to, and... I kind of did feel for both of them. Like I said, Cora was always a good person; kind, you know, even if she always did tend to lead with her heart and that got her, both of us really, into trouble sometimes... And Tracery, I'd known her almost as long as I'd known Coralynn, even though we'd never been as close. She was... She was a genuinely warm-hearted type of person, the kind that wouldn't hurt a fly on pain of death or what have you... She was an artist type, and with the thin skin and vulnerability to match...

"Tracery ended up telling Coralynn it was over between them and storming off, hurt, and Mason'd stopped speaking to me by that point, not really interested in my suggestion we just pretend the pass I passed his way actually never happened at all. I think he just wanted to hide in his tent to escape the awkwardness, you know? He always was the type to avoid confrontations, I guess... So, that left Cora and me alone, but of us feeling vulnerable, exposed, and needy, and so... in that old tradition of turn about being fair play, she... made a pass at me." Kaylee admitted. "Not that she knew about me having just very recently done the very same thing where her brother was concerned. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, Cora and Tracery hadn't noticed that little drama, involved in their own troubles as they'd been. Coralynn'd always had a crush on me, I'd known that. Maybe... Maybe I'd even encouraged it sometimes, for whatever reason... And, at that moment, the attention felt like a balm to my soul, so I let myself be receptive... We talked. She... really listened, you know? So, when she kissed me... I just... went along with it. When she invited me back to her tent, I... didn't say no to that either... I went... We... got each other undressed... made love... It was a fumbling and slightly awkward thing at first, but... pretty darn magical by the time we... fell asleep together.

"The way I'd been feeling... It's not an excuse, but I'd been feeling abandoned and insecure where Dey was concerned, and just plain stupid over what I'd tried with Mason. Not stupid enough not to give Cora what Mason wouldn't give me, obviously, but... we were teenagers, dong ma? I don't think anyone that age is really meant to make smart, thoughtful, life decisions or anything..." Kaylee trailed off.

"What happened next? ...In the morning, I mean?" River asked, not unsympathetically, though Kaylee could still sense some level of upset there too. The troubling thing was, she couldn't tell exactly how much upset there was...

"We both felt guilty?" Kaylee offered, knowing she'd probably always feel that way about it, about her and Coralynn, given how... things with Dey ended... "We never told anyone... I think Mason must have known, but Coralynn probably convinced him not to say anything." She explained.  "She was... She was just so good to me, you know? She made me feel... As not to say Dey didn't make me feel that way, after his own fashion I mean. He did. He surely did. He... We'd just... He'd been going off to try an land that yuchun, weisuo internship of his, and, well, like I said, we fought. Or, I did, anyway." She smiled a little to herself at the memory. "You never really could have a fight with that boy, or I never heard of anyone who'd managed to at any rate. It was kind of impossible... He'd just be all overly positive and pretty and optimistic and we can work it out if we try... which, um, which made it all the worse, really..." She trailed off.

"...So, you and Coralynn... You never..." River seemed to think what to say. "It was only the one night?" She asked.

"...No... No, it wasn't just one night..." Was all Kaylee could manage to say on the subject.

"Oh..." Was all River said, thankfully not pressing her on the matter, probably sensing Kaylee wasn't exactly ready to talk about the rest of it with her just yet.

This much had been hard enough.

"...Still so sure you wouldn't rather have Ella Dannan back than me?" Kaylee had to ask, dreading the answer, because she thought River probably would tell her the truth, even if it hurt the both of them.

River looked over and met her eyes then. She shook her head, _no_. "It was his fault, not yours..." Her lover told her unexpectedly. "Mostly it was, I think."

"...and how'd you finger that, exactly?" Kaylee asked softly, because she... kind of wouldn't mind knowing the answer to that herself.

"Sainthood's overrated. He should have stayed with you." River said. "...but, since he didn't want to, the smart thing would've been for him to break up with you, or you with him. Neither of you wanted to, so... that part was both your faults equally, I think. You cheated on him, but he did it to you first."

"You... um, come again?" Kaylee asked.

"Cheating isn't just sex, it's..." She reached over and took Kaylee's hand, meeting her eyes again. "It's caring. It's a choice. Love is a choice. If I'm in love with you, then... I choose you. I choose you over anyone or anything else. I make the choices that won't hurt you, instead of the ones that do. I... I choose to be just a plain old good person instead of choosing to be a saint." River told her, her words soft and heartfelt.

"...Oh..." Was all Kaylee could manage to say, River's words touching her... probably more deeply than anything anyone'd ever said to her before ever had.

"Besides." River said. "If two good persons do fall in love, I think the two of them together, they just might add up to a saint anyway... Probably make a better saint than just one person could ever be."

"...Why's that?" Kaylee asked softly.

"...They have more to live for?" River answered simply.

* * *

That evening, Kaylee sat down with River on the floor of the shuttle to eat. 

River sat forward and leaned over their food to bestow a lingering kiss on Kaylee's lips. "Ai ni..." She told her softly as the kiss broke and River retreated back to her side of the meal.

Kaylee swallowed. "Heliu, ye ai ni." She told her back just as softly, catching her eyes.

River giggled just little at her name in Chinese. "I think it's going to rain tonight, did I tell you?" She asked.

Kaylee shook her head a little, the prediction reminding her of something she'd been fretting over and working over in her mind lately (more so since yesterday), but she'd been reluctant to bring up. "I thought it might though, with the clouds." She admitted, looking down at her hands a moment. "Listen, I've been thinking about something... I..." She looked up then, meeting her lover's eyes again. "What you said before, about Simon being out there worrying about us, and about Inara being tied to the world..." She'd put it down to hopeful thinking on River's part at first, but, now... "You said yesterday, said you had prophecy, and memories that aren't yours, and you do say things sometimes, and it's more than just the rain that you could guess from the clouds being there—even that, the way you say it, it's like it's not a guess, it's like you just _know_. And I know, I mean, I know you'd say if you knew this, but, I just... I think I owe it to both of us to ask: do you think there's... some kind of way for you to... I don't know, find out for sure somehow? ...About Simon and the others, I mean...?" She asked, already feeling guilty for having said it, for putting that kind of burden on the woman she loved.

River opened her mouth, then closed it. Obviously, the question had surprised her—and not just the question, but that the thought she might be able to do what Kaylee had suggested somehow. Her eyes dropped, and she looked down at her plate for a long minute, before looking up and meeting Kaylee's eyes again. "I... I can try." Was all she said, sounding earnest and determined.

Kaylee let out a breath, relieved. "Okay."

"...You were worried about me." River said softly, gazing into her eyes. "Are worried."

"I was, I am..." Kaylee admitted. "I just... If you can't do it, I just want you to know that it's okay. I don't... want you to feel guilty or, I mean it's your brother... I know how it must be weighing on you. It weighs on me to, and..." Her words trailed off, lost to her, as she saw the smile bloom on River's lips.

River smiled this warm, sweet smile to her that had Kaylee's breath catching in her throat a little. "I can't save him." River said. "Knowing his fate only matters to me, so... I'd only be disappointing myself... and you." She tilted her head a little. "Or I could be saving us from heartache if I fail, if our loved ones have come to harm... I don't think they have though. I think I'd know... For Simon, at least, I'm sure I'd know." She told her with quiet certainty.

Kaylee swallowed. "Wisdom is you..." She said. "I..." But her words stalled again.

"Tongue-tied." River teased just lightly. "Me too." She admitted, sounding unsure of herself. "I don't..." She thought a moment. "Maybe if... After we eat, we can meditate together, maybe?" River asked.

"I um, but thought I was distracting?" Kaylee teased, not quite sure about this all of the sudden.

River shook her head. "More accurate to say that you tend to... focus my attention, to positive effects; which should be very helpful when trying to mediate. Or so I'm hoping, anyway." She told her, still teasing her a little, but also being heartfelt and serious, Kaylee could tell.

"...Yeah?" Kaylee asked, warmed and pleased by the thought of it.

"Shi." River said softly, her eyes open with trust and love, and a hint of seduction that had Kaylee's nipples hardening somewhat.

"Alright." Kaylee agreed, her voice gone soft too.

"...I used to meditate before, when I was the other me." River told her. "It helped, because sometimes I couldn't quite manage to quiet my thoughts otherwise. I had trouble sleeping sometimes. Simon thought of it, he... he taught me how." She told her.

"You... don't do it now, though?" Kaylee asked gently.

"You're better." River told her.

* * *

So it was that, after they'd had their dinner, the rain falling in light sprinkling showers outside, the two of them got onto their bed together, bare feet and indoor clothing. River asked her to sit to cross-legged for her, and Kaylee complied, River arranging herself behind her, arms wrapping around Kaylee's waist, holding her close, and River's head bowed partially and resting against hers. "What do I do now?" Kaylee asked softly.

"Just breathe... Breathe and be with me. After our heartrates calm and your mind is clear, then think about them. Remember them." River said.

"And... That'll help?" Kaylee asked.

"I don't know." River admitted, a little helplessly. "Remember, I'm just guessing about this." She reminded her, just a bit ruefully.

"Right." Kaylee said, letting out a breath and quieting, trying to make herself do as told. _Breathe, calm your heart, clear your mind._ She repeated River's instructions to herself.

River's warmth, her heartbeat felt against her back, her breathing next to her as their heads leaned against one another: all of that was what captured Kaylee's attention first, so she decided to focus on those feelings. Soon, her breathing slowed and seemed to sync up with River's. She lost track of River's heartbeat, and thought that maybe, just maybe, their hearts were beating in time to one another too. She let herself remember that feeling then, the one that'd come over her by the lake then...

When she did, she gasped softly, because, just like that, she was there again, above it all, and River was with her... Because River was with her though, she felt... almost at home, just watching the lights and shadow, the lives, the stars, the night... River's peace was hers. She didn't think, she just... was...

Then she thought of Simon... or... maybe it was River thinking about him? Either way, she felt herself carried along...

She saw Simon tossed around, just about like she'd been when she and River's shuttle'd been traveling at an unwise velocity on its way back down towards ground level. Unlike her though, Simon managed to get himself strapped in before things go too rough... Book was there. "Do you know what's happening?" He asked.

The crew had been cleaning up, getting ready to depart. The sheep sale had gone as planned, and that should've been the first clue to watch their backs. Since when did a deal ever go smooth, where Serenity was concerned? Wash's voice'd come on comms at that point. He'd said they had incoming, and he'd called for everyone to strap themselves in on the double. About a second later, they'd taken off, launching out into the open sky with a graceless jerk of velocity. So, Simon, who'd been reading a medical journal he'd downloaded from the local net at the time, did as he was told.

"All hands: this is your captain speaking." Mal's voice came over comms then. "No way to break this gently, so I'll just say what needs said: we've got Reavers. Chances might be slim on us making it out of here in anything approximating a desirable condition, so if you've got a mind to pray to anyone in particular, now would be your opportunity. For myself, I'd be a liar and then some to say my life's been all I'd hoped it'd shape up to be, but I'd just like to say to everyone listening: it's been a honor and a privilege to know you, one I damn well hope ain't over just yet."

And then there was silence but for the sounds of the ship. "River..." Simon said. "She's still down there." And there was dread, worry, fear, love, all of it blead through, making Kaylee's heart ache with it.

"We're climbing now." Shephard Book said, from next to him.

Simon looked at him, made his choice, and unstrapped from his seat. "What do you think you're doing, son?" Book asked.

Simon looked at him, but didn't say a word. He ran, heading for the cockpit, intent on making the captain turn the ship around however he had to. He wasn't going to leave his sister to face what was down there alone. The ship shook then with a velocity wake, her and River's wake, Kaylee recalled, from when they'd almost ran into each other heading in opposite directions, and Simon fell, hit his head.

He stumbled to his feet, dazed, and got to a port, looking on in growing despair as they broke atmosphere and he saw stars. "No..." He said, leaning his aching head against the hull, able to from memory what it felt like when the main engines were gearing up for a hot burn. He felt that now, and knew they were about to launch themselves away from Opal at top speed. He turned. He wouldn't make it in time, but he had to try.

Impacts then— _harpoons_ , he realized it had to be. It was how Reavers took you. The ship lurched. The air was getting thin—there had to be a micro-breach in the hull nearby. Was this it? Were they done for? But, no, just as he was passing out, Serenity hit its main burn.

They'd made it out, but not without a terrible cost...

He gasped for breath then and passed out from lack of oxygen. Kaylee's eyes flew wide and she gasped for breath too, doubling over from it and sucking in grateful breaths when she realized the lack was all in her head after all.

Her eyes came into focus then, and she managed to raggedly catch her breath. She heard coughing then, behind her. She turned and saw River doubled over, curled into herself and trying to make herself breathe right again too. Kaylee scrambled over to her. "River! River, hey!" She called, shaking her. "Breathe, wo de ai, wei wo huxi. Breathe for me." She pleaded. River snapped out of it then, subsiding into quiet sobbing tears. "I'm sorry..." Kaylee breathed, relief and guilt washing over her in equal force.

Kaylee lay down next to her lover and gathered her to her, holding her as she cried. River burrowed into her, letting herself be held. "I'm so sorry..." Kaylee said.

River hiccupped. "Not your fault..." She managed to say.

Kaylee didn't say anything back, and River didn't seem in any hurry to move away from her embrace. Kaylee's mind was reeling inside over what'd just happened to them. What had those Alliance people _done_ to her, that something like that was even possible? No _wonder_ they wanted her back so bad... Someone who could do what River just had? Who could remember other people's... memories—and from miles away and more than a month back in time... She could tell them _anything_ , any damn thing at all... Maybe even see into the future for them...

She held River that much closer, feeling more scared for and protective of her than she'd ever thought she'd have need or have cause to feel for anyone her whole life long. Because they would be coming here for her. Sooner or later, Reavers or no... They'd find a way—if it they could find a way, then they would. They'd do whatever they had to. River was just too dangerous and too valuable not to.

If the Independents'd had her back during the war? If they could've found a way to help River safely use what she could do for them? The Alliance would've lost. They wouldn't have stood a chance—not one chance, because River would be able to take all their chances away before they even happened. Lordy! If those Alliance people ever got wind River Tam'd been spending time with people like Malcolm Reynolds and Zoe Washburne, former officers in the Independent's army? ...They'd burn down anyone and anything between them and her, because, even now, it wouldn't be anywhere near impossible for people like Zoe and the captain to start a revolution and succeed at it, not with River on their side, telling them all the secrets and warning them what would happen next if they were to, say, assassinate this particular politician, or whisper sweet nothing in that particular merchant's ear...

At the very least, it would be chaos until the revolutionaries in question got sloppy enough for River's prophecies not to matter so much.

"You're having scary thoughts right now, aren't you?" River asked. "...Because of me? What I can do?"

The two parted enough so that their eyes could meet. Kaylee brought a hand up to touch her lover's face, brush away the stray strands of her long hair. "I just realized exactly why it is those Alliance people want you back so darn bad, that's all..." She admitted.

"...Why?" River asked.

"...Because you're a power?" Kaylee ventured. "Maybe the greatest one that ever was..."

* * *

Did you ever think what would happen, if you could just trade your memories away on a whim?  
Hide them in boxes like treasures or secrets under your bed?  
Next time: _~ DIRE TIDINGS ~_

 

Chinese translations:

"dong ma?" = "understand?"

"yuchun, weisuo" = "stupid, wretched"

"Ai ni..." = "Love you..."

"Heliu, ye ai ni." = "Love you too, River."

"Shi." = "Yes."

"wo de ai, wei wo huxi" = "my love, breathe for me"


	13. Dire Tidings

Part 3: Echoes Of An Old War 

**Chapter 13: ~ DIRE TIDINGS ~**

* * *

River and Kaylee sat on their bed together, both still recovering from what they'd just been through together moments before. They were leaning against the headboard in each other's arms, heads leaned together.

"So, they definitely got away then..." Kaylee spoke, thinking out loud. "That's good. And Simon's definitely all right, because you said you'd know if he weren't... Which, I guess means we really don't know that much more about what happened to them than we did before, we just... got to have a front row seat."

"Sorry..." River said, sounding guilty.

"Hey..." Kaylee squeezed her lover's hand holding hers. "I didn't mean it like that. What you did, what you can do, it's amazing... and, okay, yes, also scary in a few ways, but not in any way that means I want to be anywhere else but right here next to you. Because... because, even if I could be anywhere else, doing anything else whatsoever, I'd... I'd still want to be here." She admitted, both to River and to herself.

River didn't say anything, she just moved to give her a kiss, sweet and soulful. "I love you..." River whispered, gazing into her eyes and touching her face with one hand. "And... likewise... for being here with you, I mean..." She added softly, rising to her hands and knees and moving in for another kiss.

Kaylee couldn't help but respond, didn't want to help but respond. She arched her body up into the kiss, draping her arms over River's shoulders as their kissing deepened. She straightened up, River settling into her lap as they drew closer together and kept kissing.

Slowly, reluctantly, River backed off. "Do you... want to try again?" She asked.

Kaylee blinked. "What were we talking about again?" She asked in a whisper, not really caring to dedicate the mental resources to remember at the moment.

River gave her a pleased, downright seductive grin. "Meditation..." She whispered.

Kaylee drew in a breath at that, startled out of her ardor enough to think again. "Do you want to?" She asked gently. "Is it safe?" She whispered.

"...Probably safe, and... yes, I... I want to try." River told her.

Kaylee let out a held breath. "Well, alright then." She acquiesced, not having a particularly great feeling about it, and somewhat regretting that she'd suggested the whole thing in the first place. But it wasn't only her decision, and she felt like she did sort of owe it to River to see this through, if that's what her lover wanted from her... That and, she knew, there was still the matter of what'd happened to Simon and the others next, after they'd gotten away from the Reavers. Something had kept them from coming back to find the two of them, something more than the logical assumption that, where Reavers were concerned, survivors didn't happen all that often. That assumption wouldn't have stopped the captain, and it sure wouldn't've stopped Simon. She wanted to know, and she knew River had to want that too. "But... later, okay?" She asked hopefully.

"Mmm..." River agreed, looking hungry for her. "Later." She whispered, kissing her again... Soon enough, they were taking off each other's clothes.

And Kaylee was relieved that they were, because, more than only the simple fact that the desire to make love with River Tam apparently lived inside her now, in her heart, in her head, and just under her skin... More than that, even if it hadn't been real, what they'd gone through, it'd felt like a brush with death. They'd had those before, obviously they had. Only, now... maybe it felt to her like she had more to lose than she'd had before. Maybe it'd scared her more than she really wanted to think about just now. So, maybe she just wanted to assure herself that River really was still here with her, still alive and well and wanting her... and, just maybe, River wanted that same thing from her too...

* * *

Midday, the next day, River and Kaylee were at the lake again. They'd spent the morning gathering food stores, then come here to swim for a while and to have lunch. Now, their bellies full, River had her sit on their picnic blanket cross-legged. River sat behind her, holding her close and their heads leaning together, just like they'd done last night.

"Remember." River said just softly. "Deep breaths. Calm your heart. Relax. Be with me..."

"Right." Kaylee agreed, voice faint, trying to make herself do those things and to not think about what it'd felt like to see River curled op on her side and gasping for breath last night. With effort, she... mostly succeeded.

"Don't worry about me, it'll be fine." River murmured to her, and Kaylee could hear the fond smile she knew must be on her lips in those words.

"Yeah, well... just remember you said so, dong ma?" Kaylee said back.

"Promise." River agreed, kissing her cheek.

Kaylee felt herself flush a little somehow, because she hadn't been expecting the kiss. She took a deep breath, remembered River's instructions, and tried to relax and just let herself be here, with River holding her like this.

Time stretched out, her heartbeat calmed, her breaths came in and out in time with River's, and then, without really knowing how or when it happened exactly, they were there again, seeing that same vista that might just encompass all of exitance for all she knew.

Her mind wandered somehow, and she felt like she knew some of those lights. She thought of Ilann then, and her heart ached to see her again, hug her and tell her all the crazy stories she'd saved up for her. They'd exchanged letters sometimes, but it'd been hard to manage, and it never... felt the same, never felt like really talking to her, not like her heart always insisted it was supposed to feel, talking with Ilann.

"Going to be a full day today, ni bu juede ma?" Chelsea Isaacs asked her.

"Shi de, qin'ai de, I do think so." Kaylee heard herself saying... except she wasn't Kaylee, she was Ilann... and River, River was Chelsea.

Kaylee gasped in surprise, and the world spun and they weren't on Isis anymore, they were back on Opal, River holding her in her arms. "Well, that was unexpected..." Kaylee murmured.

"...Your sisters..." River said softly next to her, moving to hold hands with her.

"Yeah... That was them all right, Ilann and her wife." Kaylee acknowledged. 

"You were thinking of them." River said.

"Yeah... I was... It was like... One of those lights down there, that was her. That was my sister..." Kaylee said, still in awe. Because it _had_ been her. She'd seen her sister through her own eyes, just like they'd done with Simon last night. It kind of made her shiver a little to think about, even as a part of her wanted to go back, find her again... hope Ilann would give her wife a hug, so she could feel it too.

"You miss her..." River said.

"...Of course I miss her, she's my sister." Kaylee said, her voice breaking a little on the words.

"I miss Simon too..." River admitted.

They were silent for a little while then, and Kaylee gave River's hands in hers a light, reassuring squeeze.

"We could... We could try again if you want?" River offered.

"To find out what happened to Simon next, you mean?" Kaylee asked.

"That... or we could try finding Ilann again?" River offered.

"You'd... You'd want to do that?" Kaylee asked.

"It makes you happy." River explained, as if it were just that simple... and, Kaylee supposed, it probably was. She certainly felt much the same way where River was concerned, didn't she?

"Alright... well, maybe we can do both then?" Kaylee offered.

"We can try..." River agreed.

"You think we might not be able to manage?" Kaylee asked.

River let out a breath. "...You're not the only one who's partially nervous about doing this, I'll have you know." She admitted.

"No. No, I imagine I'm really not..." Kaylee had to admit, because, really, it was something she'd already known. "Listen... I just, I'm worried. We don't really know what this is, you know? What those... people, those Alliance doctors did to you. I don't know... how this feels for you... not really... This is your head, your... your heart. Your past, your pain..."

"Our love." River interjected.

Kaylee smiled to herself. "That too." She admitted. "What I'm saying is, if you're just doing this for me or something, you don't have to. We can just... We can leave this alone if you want. I promise, I would be more than okay with that." She offered, again remembering how horrible it'd felt to see River curled up into herself and hurting like she'd been... She never, ever wanted that to happen again.

River just kissed her chin. "I..." She hesitated. "I want to know. Who... what... I am now? I want to know that." She told Kaylee hesitantly. "I want to know what happened to my brother too, you were right that I did. Just like you want to see your sister again. We should do both."

"...Alright then." Kaylee agreed, nuzzling herself into River's hair a little and squeezing her hands. "Lets... try this again. But, Simon first, okay?"

"...Okay." River agreed.

"Breathing now." Kaylee said, quirking a small smile to herself, trying to find comfort in the small bit of banter, and trying to make herself be positive and optimistic about this whole thing again. Was this something like what Wash felt like? Piloting a ship with his wife on board? She'd never realized how scary that had to be for him sometimes...

"Breathing now." River agreed.

And so they breathed, and so... in due course, they were there.

"So, here we are. This is what it's come to." Zoe's voice said.

"Sure looks that way, don't it?" Mal replied, sounding more like a man who'd long ago stopped believing in happily-ever-afters than Kaylee'd ever heard him.

The world slid past them, and, some many days later, Zoe was looking over her husband's shoulder as a salvager's ship closed with them. Five days they'd been sitting here, Serenity dead to rights from the damage the Reavers' harpoons had wrought, and no Kaylee anywhere about to set it right. There'd been no other choice but to send out distress calls and hope help arrived before the clock ran down. Now here they were, and their saviors were here at last.

"We don't suppose these fine folks are the kind of people who're just going to be giving us a tow back to civilization out of the kindness of their hearts and the lightness in their souls, do we?" Wash asked.

"No, honey. I don't suppose that we do, at that." Zoe answered.

 _Why Zoe though?_ Kaylee wondered. Had she gone and messed things up again, thinking about her and Wash when they'd started meditating this time around? _Simon_ , she told herself. _Simon Tam... River's brother. Where's he while all this is going on?_

The world slid on, and there Simon was, sitting in his bunk, bare feet on the bedding with him, arms on his upraised knees, hands dangling in the air as he looked up at the ceiling and tried, tried, and tried again not to imagine all the various horrific ways in which his sister might have died back on Opal. He felt hopeless, as though life were just... some cruel joke.

His sister was dead, and he was alone.

The despair caught Kaylee unprepared, made River turn away. She felt hollowed out right along with Simon somehow, and that hollowness pulled her, pulled River with her, and the world slid on.

Reavers.

Reavers all around her, and River in the midst of them... slitting throats, gutting bodies, stabbing hearts, _protecting_ her... She knew every step, it was inevitable. River would win. She would always, always... win.

Kaylee turned away, unable to face it. The world slid on, feeling less and less in her control.

She was River, and River was her, and they were watching Jayne with that knife of his. _Knives again_ , like the one River'd used to slit that Reaver man's throat...

"It's Guild law. All Companions are required to undergo a physical exam once a year." Inara was saying.

They watched as Jayne spat a large glob of spit onto his blade, wiping it on his shirt to shine it.

"Could you not do that while... ever?" Simon asked.

Jayne just looked him square in the eye, then he did it again. Simon moved down the table. Memories now. Future memories: Jayne walking down a corridor on Ariel, stopping at a cortex terminal. Him swiping a card on the terminal. In a moment, a face appeared on the cortex screen.

"This is Agent McGinnis." _Alliance security_ , Kaylee could easily recognize the uniform.

"I'm in." Jayne said.

"Do you have the fugitives?" The agent asked.

"You got my reward?" Jayne countered.

"Yes. Just like we talked about." McGinnis said. _Lying—_ Kaylee could tell.

"Then I got your fugitives." Jayne told him.

McGinnis smiled. "Good." He said. "We'll see you shortly. Congratulations. You're about to become a very rich man." He told Jayne, signing off.

 _He was going to turn us in_ , Kaylee realized, even as, back in Serenity's kitchen, her hand, River's hand, armed herself with a knife of her own. _I have to keep us safe_ , she found herself thinking. _He has to be stopped. He has to pay._

"So, two days in a hospital, huh?" Wash was saying.

Inara nodded _yes_.

"That's awful. Don't you just hate doctors?" Wash asked.

"Hey!" Simon protested.

"I mean, present company excluded." Wash qualified.

"Don't be excluding people, that's just rude." Jayne offered, smirking.

River moved the, she moved so fast. She cut him, right across the chest, and Jayne backhanded her across the face. She fell, Simon and Inara at her side.

"He looks better in red." River told them all, defiant, and Kaylee remembered River, fighting Reavers again, slashing throats... 

Her stomach flipped, River slipped out of her grasp, and the world slid on.

Reavers again, crawling and clawing at each other, all through one of those monstrosity ships of theirs. They screamed, and it was this... cold, aching, grasping, horror of a thing... She felt like she was going to die from just the _sound_ of it...

River called her name then, desperate and more scared than Kaylee'd ever heard her. River came for her, and everything shook and reality cracked and slid on... River hauling her away somehow...

Kaylee's eyes flew open wide and she cried out, lurching forward onto the grass, trying to get away. Her stomach heaved and she wretched, the lunch she'd so recently eaten pouring out of her onto the ground.

She rolled over onto her side, clutching her stomach, feeling like she'd been gut punched and starved for days all at once. She remembered screams, Reavers, and River coming for her and she shook with it...

Her eyes were wide, but unseeing. She rocked herself, feeling downright filthy, like they were... still on her somehow, crawling all around her like maggots on a dead thing. A large part of her still did feel like she might be about to die... River was there then, touching her, gently shaking her, pleading with her. "Kaylee—Kaylee no, don't look, don't look. Stay, be here, be with me..." She was pleading.

Kaylee blinked, looking up into River's tear-filled eyes, full of warmth and love, calling to her, soothing her. River's hands on her, holding her down on her back...

Kaylee let out a shuddering breath and made herself get it together. She breathed, in and out, in and out, feeling life and warmth returning to her. "There you are. There you are..." River said, tears continuing to fall as she moved down onto her, kissing her, careless of how Kaylee knew her breath must smell and taste like about now. Kaylee's eyes fluttered shut, and she let herself recognize that she was safe, she was here, she was loved, her heart was still beating, and River had her, was kissing her, and that was right, that was beautiful... that was life, bright and free...

Slowly, River stopped kissing her. "What... What happened to me?" Kaylee finally found within herself the wherewithal to ask, River gazing down into her eyes with concern, her eyes a storm of emotions Kaylee couldn't even being to parcel out right now.

"You... You got lost for a minute, that's all." She said, voice still sounding a little shaky.

"Oh... Is that all it was..." Kaylee found herself murmuring, looking away from her, eyes going out of focus.

"It's not always safe, I know that now... I shouldn't... Shame on me for thinking that it was." She said, voice small and sounding ashamed.

Hesitantly, Kaylee met River's eyes again. "Have you... gotten lost like that yourself before?" She asked, voice small.

"No! No, never! Never, not ever... never... I would... I would never... not if I'd known... never, never, never not ever..." River pleaded, looking lost and like she was in real danger of curling up into herself like she'd done sometimes, before... before they'd been stranded here together and gotten as close as they had.

Feeling scared, Kaylee kissed her, figuring if it'd worked when River'd done it with her, it had to be worth a try the other way 'round... The kiss seemed to startle River, but her lover soon relaxed into it and began to kiss her back, hesitantly at first, before melting into it in earnest.

At length, Kaylee eased back, parting the kiss. River blinked, their eyes catching again. "I believe you." Kaylee told her gently, trying her best to offer comfort, because of course she didn't think River was somehow responsible for what'd just happened. She'd never thought that and never would. River, she'd been the one who'd _saved_ her...

River let out a shuttering, relieved breath. "Good... that's good." She said, braking eye contact a moment, then finding it again. "I'm... I couldn't keep you safe... I'm... I'm sorry..." She said, touching Kaylee's face, eyes pleading.

"You did though, didn't you? I'm still..." Kaylee took in a breath and let it out. "I'm still here, still breathing, still with you?" She told her, even as her memories of what'd happened began to clear up and solidify in her mind.

"Shi... Shi, you are." River gave her a little of a tremulous, happy sort of smile.

"I... I remember you, you know? It felt like I was so alone... Alone down in my soul. Like something was... tearing out my heart from the inside out, and soon I'd be gone... Then you were there, coming for me, calling my name. I remember what it looked like, you just... crashing through all of them. They were clawing at you, _throwing_ themselves at you like nothing, not even their lives, mattered to them so much as tearing you down, but... you didn't even seem to notice, had eyes only for me... they couldn't touch you... How'd you do that?" She asked in not just a little wonder, because she knew— _knew_ —how it felt to have those things on you, have that terrible desolate screaming worm it's way inside your chest, and she... she was finding it hard to even imagine being strong enough in your soul to just... not even _notice_ something like that... "How could you stand it, River? Be that... strong inside?"

River looked not just a little uncomfortable, like she didn't want to think about or talk about any of this, not really. Kaylee could hardly blame her for that, but... she wanted to know. Wanted to understand what'd happened, and how she could... keep herself safe, her and River both. "...I'm a power, remember?" River said. "And... besides... I... I don't think any of us are ever really as alone as all that. We just... have to remember, that's all. That's the trick." 

"The trick?" Kaylee asked.

"Shi... Maybe the only trick there ever was." River told her, her eyes looking like she really just wanted to go back to the part where they were kissing right about then. "Me with you, you with me, like a prophecy... Keeping each other safe, protecting each other... All this time, everything I've been through, maybe you've been bringing me here, right to you, all along... so we could be together...?" She asked, almost in a plea. "...Does anything else really matter?"

"I don't know... maybe not... Do you... really think it could've happened that way?" Kaylee found herself asking.

"...It could be." River told her, sounding more a faithful believer than any wise or knowing sage.

"That... I saw you. Before I got... lost, I saw you killing them, fighting... You were fighting for someone, for... for me I think. That's... one of those memories hasn't happened yet... isn't it?" Kaylee found the courage to ask, even though she more than suspected that she already knew the answer, even though she really just wanted to go back to the part where they were kissing again too. But she felt the fear of it, she felt it way down deep inside, and... that was the very opposite of a good sort of feeling. "...It means they're coming for us again, doesn't it?"

"...I'll win." River told her, told it like a promise, her voice intimate, tremulous, but also, somehow, sure as anything.

"...The future, written in stone, is that it then?" Kaylee asked, wanting just this once to believe it might be so.

"Inevitable..." River whispered. "One of the kinds of it, anyway. This... This is the kind that is, because I just... I just plain won't _allow_ it to be any other way." River told her, voice more fierce and starkly protective than Kaylee'd ever heard it before. "I told you: I'll protect you. Always. Fight for you. Just like I did today. They won't stop me. They won't take you away, not ever again. I'll win for you. Always." She told her with such simple surety, Kaylee couldn't help but almost believe it was just so and no possible way else.

"How?" She asked the question anyway.

"By killing them all?" River offered. "It... will be a mercy." She whispered. "The closer they come, the clearer that is to me."

Kaylee gazed up at her, at her lover, and she found that she did—she really did have faith, after all.

"You know..." Kaylee found herself saying, not really wanting to dwell on this anymore just now.

"Yes?" River asked, curious.

"Next time I see Jayne? ...I think I might just shoot him." Kaylee admitted, not even sure she didn't mean it, knowing what she knew now.

River smiled, just a little. "It's a common reaction, I'm told." She whispered a little playfully. "Now, please?"

"Yes?" Kaylee asked, heart speeding up, skin heating up, able to tell what River was about and not minding it one little bit.

"Stop talking?" River asked, moving in, lips parted.

"Deal..." Kaylee whispered as their lips met and they finally, finally got back to that part where they were kissing again.

* * *

The rest of that afternoon, after making love by the lake with an almost desperate abandon until they managed to tire each other out, they... got up, took the time to bury Kaylee's vomit, and somewhat awkwardly made their way back to the shuttle where they promptly took turns in the bathtub. Clean and in somewhat better spirits for it, the two spent the rest of the evening just lazing around the shuttle, being together. They talked and chatted, though... not as much as they usually would, and not with hearts so light as they normally would be. 

They didn't talk about their latest attempt at mediation any further, or how unsettled their lovemaking afterwards had left them both feeling by the time it'd been over, River perhaps sensing that she needed time... or, well, it could also be, River needed the time just as much as she did.

They stuck close, mostly, and Kaylee was grateful for that, spending as much time in her lover's arms as she could manage.

That night though, sometime after their traditional sunset storytelling session, Kaylee excused herself to the bathroom, feeling like she... just needed the space somehow. To think, to catch her breath? She didn't know. It wasn't like her. None of this, the way she was feeling, was like her...

She stood there, looking at herself in the mirror. Her hands were shaking, just a little she realized, as she stubbornly told herself that everything was fine and good, had been fine and good, and would continue to be fine and good forever more until she died in her bed years and years from now, a happy old lady who'd lived a fine and good life, ready to head off on her next adventure, whatever that was going to be... Even if, obviously, not everything in her life had been, was, or would continue to be at all uniformly or consistently fine and good, seeing as that just plain was not how life worked, generally... Much as many, if not most, aspects of her life with River for the last month or so, earlier today excluded, might have started to lead her to believe it might could be otherwise.

The way being on that Reavers' ship (or at least remembering what it was like to be there), the way that had made her feel... Cold, desolate, grasping... madness... If that was the thing that did it, the way people became those _things_ , then... then she almost, _almost_ understood how it could happen.

 _River_... She told herself. River was here, with her, and she wasn't alone. River had beaten this feeling, done it without even trying, and that meant that she darn well could beat it too.

She closed her eyes, took in a deep breath, in and out, and then looked herself in the eyes again, reminding herself forcefully just who it was that was looking back at her: Kaylee Frye. Lover, friend, sister, daughter, brilliant mechanic and fixer of all manner of broken things most people might think were beyond hope—this was a woman who was stubbornly optimistic in the face of all kinds of crazy things that life had thrown at her previously. This wasn't the first hard thing she'd faced in her life, nor would it likely be the last. 

So affirming, she turned and walked out of the bathroom, taking her clothes off for bed as she went. She looked and saw River watching her, naked, stunningly beautiful, and waiting for her... She absently dropped her shirt on the floor and swallowed, feelings and emotions welling up in her chest at the simple, deep feeling she saw in her lover's eyes. _I'm here for you... and I always will be_ , those eyes said to her.

Her heart lifted and she was relieved to find a genuine smile coming to her lips, full of warmth and love for this woman.

This was going to be their sixth night together as lovers, as a couple, and it surprised her, really—just how very easy and natural the transition from friends to lovers had been for them... What they had as lovers, it was new, but it felt... eternal, too... inevitable... They were still friends, they still talked, had fun, teased each other, swam in the lake, and shared sunset stories... None of that had changed, not even after what they'd been though today, but it still felt like so much more than just talking, good company, and friendship to her. It was love—true love, she was beginning to think, like the kind you'd expect to find in all the nest storybooks. It was connection... And it was that connection she needed right now more than anything, she realized. She needed to lose herself in River's arms and remind herself just what being alive was really all about.

Kaylee shimmied a little and let her panties drop to the floor along with the shirt, watching River's mouth drop open a little as her lover drew in a breath, her eyes full of need.

Kaylee went to her, got up on the bed, took her face gently in her hands and kissed her for all she was worth, taking her time and savoring every moment.

Then, at length and in due course, she lowered River down onto her back, and they rolled onto their sides, hands exploring, just doing that reminding for one other for a little while... at least until their need overtook things, and passion flared, hot and wild between them one more.

It wasn't the desperate yearning, the fumbling need for healing, the almost ravenous passion that their lovemaking by the lake had turned into as they'd gone on. No, this was comfort, this was wanting and a simple need to be together. This was just _them_ , like they'd been before what happened at the lake—like they were _meant_ to be...

It was such a relief.

Today had been hard, Kaylee told herself... but it was over now.

They had each other and they were safe.

* * *

When things get to be too much, what do you do? Next time: _~ SNARES ~_

 

Chinese translations:

"ni bu juede ma?" = "don't you think?"

"Shi de, qin'ai de" = "Yes, my love"

"Shi" = "Yes"


	14. Snares

Part 3: Echoes Of An Old War 

**Chapter 14: ~ SNARES ~**

* * *

It was more than a week later now, and the sky had a scattering of puffy white clouds in it, one of which had recently moved in to block the sun. The air smelled sweet in one of the many ways it only ever did on an honest to goodness planet with trees and lakes and waterfalls an all. At this particular moment, in fact, Kaylee found herself backed up nice and cozy against one of those very trees and thinking about none of those things at all as she and River kissed.

River's hands were gently but firmly holding her forearms to the tree at her waist, their bodies were pressed so close that the heat between them felt almost like a fire, and Kaylee was more than happy to just let it burn. River was amazing at kissing her, amazing at making her feel all _sorts_ of things, really... she felt like it was for sure she'd want this woman's touch on her for the rest of her life. The way River was kissing her right now, she was getting a little dizzy from it, in fact, in that very pleasant sort of way that meant her knees might just give out on her at some point soon...

When River finally stopped, her lips still just a breath away, Kaylee was kind of struck trance-like for a moment, until her brain reluctantly started working again enough for her to say something. "Why'd you stop?" She asked softly, shivering just a little at the sheer lustful pleading she heard in her own voice.

Their eyes met and River smiled a little in that knowingly confident way she sometimes had about her—more so lately, for obvious and very agreeable reasons. "No reason." River said back simply, moving in to kiss her again, letting go of Kaylee's arms, River's hands sliding, one up the length of her arm, the other down to Kaylee's waist, then up to her ribs under her shirt.

Kaylee kissed her back, almost instantly getting lost in the doing of it all over again. They'd been doing this almost every chance they'd got since that day last week... Since the night they'd first made love, really. What it was between her and River, it was intense... heady and wonderful and unique to her experience... It made her wonder, seriously wonder, about those ideas of marriage, with or without that farm to settle down and build a life on. She'd always liked the idea, getting married to someone someday. She'd assumed it would be a man, but life had a way of surprising you sometimes, didn't it? Since Dey, she'd never gotten to the point in a relationship where it felt like marriage was a serious possibility, but... well, she was at that point now. She knew she was... even if she hadn't, as yet, said as much to River. It wasn't as though marriage really made all that much sense here, where there were no other people to share it with, right? After all, if it was just them, what would it matter? Or... maybe it did matter, and she was just coming up with excuses to herself...

The kissing, the grasping at each other, it grew more urgent, as if spurned on by her thoughts. The need rushing over her took Kaylee's breath away... She gasped then, breaking the kiss. She saw it, felt it... that resonant thread of deep connection she'd first felt that morning by the lake last week. _Making music_ , River'd called it. They'd... been doing that more and more lately, and, it seemed like, the more she felt this, the more she craved and treasured the feeling of it. It scared her to think about: what she'd do with herself if River ever... wasn't in her life anymore... How could you have a connection like this with someone, have them taken away, and then just... go on with your life...?

Kaylee rested her forehead against River's then, closing her eyes. That memory came up for her just then, of River... fighting those things—fighting Reavers—for her, for them... It was a decidedly unpleasant splash of cold water on her previously quickly rising ardor. "How soon now, do you think?" She finally had the courage to ask.

They hadn't talked about this, not really, not except for Kaylee saying one that they should run, only to have River tell her it wouldn't help matters if they did, and that they'd have a better chance if they stayed put. Kaylee'd trusted her on that, if reluctantly. Other than that, they'd danced around the topic now and then, but, really, it'd just... felt like they'd both made this silent agreement to live in happy denial for a while or something... Not that Kaylee really had been all that happy about it, because she hadn't. She could admit to that. She'd figured River would know when it was time to start worrying in earnest though, that she obviously wouldn't keep quiet about a thing like that...

"...Soon." River admitted, sounding like she was looking forward to it just about as much as Kaylee herself was, which, obviously, was to say she basically had to despise the very thought of it as much as it was possible to despise anything. No one sane would ever have any different reaction.

"...It terrifies me, you know?" Kaylee admitted, moving back just enough so she could look into River's eyes. "Not just... Not even mostly for my own sake—though, yeah, I'd be a liar if I said I had no concerns over my own neck in all of this. I just... the idea of you doing that. Can you... can you even promise me that was a real thing? That you... that you really can do all that? That you really can, you know, win, kill them all, whatever it was you said...?" She thought of River shooting blind on Niska's station then. "I mean, all the things you can do, I can almost wrap my head around it being possible, but... but there's a difference, you know? A very big difference sometimes between being technically able to do something, and then actually, well... slitting throats, in this case... Are you sure it wouldn't just be a better bet to hightail it out of here and take our chances?"

River just shook her head. "I told you. They find us. They always find us. I'm... It's..."

"Inevitable?" Kaylee asked.

"...Not that kind of inevitable..." River said, unexpectedly.

"...There are different kinds now?" Kaylee asked, finding a small amount of banter inside her heart to give.

"There are..." River offered, her voice soft, meaningful, and laced with a certain amount of heartfelt romance. "You and me, that's like... like reading a romance novel. You pick up the book, read the first page... and then you're hooked. You know they're going to end up together, but you keep reading anyway, because inevitable things can be... really amazing sometimes... There's the kind of inevitable where I kiss you, and you kiss me back, and then there's a bed..." River told her, arching forward a little in her arms. "And then there's the kind where I make you breakfast and you smile to me and it's more beautiful than words can say... We go swimming and end up wet... Go dancing, and we end up in each other's arms... I tell you silly things, you laugh, and my heart skips a beat... but... there are the bad kinds too... We all have choices, but only so many, because so very many have come before, making choices of their own... Sometimes very foolish choices... So our choices narrow... Right now, it's as though we're stranded on an island and a storm's coming. We can't escape. I knew it as soon as we saw what would happen last week during our meditation. They're hollow inside and we aren't. They'll find us the same way the vacuum of space find air, the moment you ever give it any chance at all. I think I kept us safe for a while, I'm... not really sure how, but they know now, they saw us, touched you, and they can't unknow. They find us, like the storm finds the island. The only way we _could_ escape would be with a space ship, like Serenity, that we don't have, or by not having come to the Opal in the first place and... I don't, as yet, know if time travel is a real thing or not..." She admitted.

"...Oh..." Kaylee said. "Well, when you put it like that..." She got a distinctly sinking feeling.

"Our home is here, and we have the shuttle to be our fortress. We can build defenses, set traps, be devious and stalwart. I... I have all the motivation in the 'verse to win through. I have you... don't I?" River asked.

"You... Yeah... Yeah, you really... really do." Kaylee admitted, resting her forehead on River's again, feeling her heart ache not just a little at just how very true it was.

"...It's mutual..." River told her softly, moving to start up the kissing again.

Kaylee was more than relieved to let her.

* * *

Back at the shuttle, some hours later, Kaylee was sitting on the floor, back resting against the bed, watching River as she cooked lunch for them. 

River cooking for the two of them, it was one of those domestic scenes. She should be over there, she knew, chatting and carrying on like they normally would be, playing able-bodied chef's assistant to the woman she loved. She wasn't though, and thankfully River was giving her space enough not to question her on the matter. River was... good about that too, she knew—knowing when to pull back...

Her heart was aching inside, thinking about River and those Reavers... She'd seen it, felt it, almost like it'd been her own hand as much as River's slitting that Reaver man's throat. She shivered all over again.

It shouldn't be like this, she told herself.

None of it should, really. The Independents should have won the war. They'd had the right of it on their side, after all. River was proof enough to convince her of that beyond any doubts. No, they should have won, just like they would've in any storybook worth mentioning. The Alliance never should've been allowed to get as bad as it had, River never should have been put through what she had, there shouldn't be any Reavers, and she and River should have... met each other growing up on Isis or something. They should be there right now, married, with her sister living next door, Dey off saving people for a living like he'd wanted to do, Simon being the town doctor, Book the town preacher, Inara and the captain not far away with a place of their own, and Zoe and Wash owning cargo runner and dropping by for visits now and then... she'd even let that backstabbing bastard Jayne be the no-account town drunk or something... Things should be like that, she told herself. Everything should just... make sense...

It didn't though, and that was more than plain.

She found her thoughts drifting to her sister then. To the life she was living right about now, the one she'd gotten that fleeting glimpse of last week before things'd took that turn for the worse...

Ilann... Now she'd been the smart one, hadn't she? She'd stayed home and gotten married, like any good farm girl should. She had one of those lives that made sense.

She'd married Chelsea Isaacs, a girl they'd both grown up with... Chelsea was kind and cheerful. Not long on words much of the time, and not anything like a social butterfly, but she had a joy for life in her, in the soul of her, that never left Kaylee wondering for a second why her sister'd fallen so hard for her... when they'd finally gotten together as a couple, anyway. 

Ilann, she recalled, had been particularly oblivious about the whole thing for a while, maybe purposefully so, so worried about risking their friendship as she'd been. 

She remembered that day when Ilann'd finally, finally, finally given up on the idea that she and Alisandra Kenny could possibly make a good couple if they just tried hard enough. Ilann'd cried and wallowed in self-pity for weeks after they'd finally broken up. She'd asked Kaylee what was wrong with her at one point, and Kaylee, seeing as clearly as anyone only ever did when it came to someone else's problems, had told her what she'd seen as the obvious truth. She'd told her that _nothing_ had been wrong with her, nothing at all. She'd told her that her and Alisandra just hadn't been a good match, and that was all there was to it. She'd told her that she should date someone she could be around and feel like she was really at home with them, like her and Dey had been back then. She'd told her that she should just get it over with and ask Chelsea to go out with her, because Chelsea was already head over heels in love with her and everybody knew it.

Everybody but Ilann herself, apparently, because her sister had looked at her for a moment like she'd been speaking an alien language. Kaylee'd just put that down to the power of denial and humored her, because, really, she'd never been one to date girls back then, but it'd been obvious to even her how very beautiful Chelsea was, inside and out.

A week later, Ilann'd taken her advice and, within the month, they'd been engaged to be married. Their mom'd insisted on a big spring wedding of course though, so it'd been around six more months until they'd actually gotten married.

It'd been a beautiful wedding... and now they were living happily ever after, she supposed.

...She supposed she could've had that too, if she'd... wanted... with a woman even, if she'd liked. As much as she'd felt guilty for the fact, her and Coralynn Talwin... had had chemistry together... She had the feeling that, if she'd been braver, felt less wretchedly guilty about the whole matter, that Cora... probably would've asked to marry her at one point or another...

She hadn't stuck around to find out, of course. If she had, maybe she would've had a happily ever after too.

Instead, she was here... She looked up, gazing across the room at River and her lips quirked in a fond smile, watching her so focused on making the two plates look so neat and tidy and the same as each other. _Guess I'm just contrary or something..._ She thought. _Because I wouldn't trade her, not for Coralynn Talwin or anyone else..._

She got up and went over to sit with River then, and River smiled up at her as she was sitting down. River looked at her curiously. "You were lost in thought for a while, bushi ma?" River asked.

Kaylee moved, getting up on her hands and knees to give her reply in the form of a sweet, all-to-fleeting sort of kiss. "I'm sorry." Kaylee said simply.

"...What for, though?" River asked.

"...I kind of think it might all be my fault somehow, that's all. I don't pretend to understand all this, not really, but... If I'd been able to keep my mind from wondering, you know... by the lake that day...? Well, I can't help but think maybe the Reavers never would've noticed we're here?" Kaylee explained, sitting back down. This'd been bothering her since River'd done her explaining earlier in the morning, really. "So... just in case we... die horribly sometime soon or something, I just thought I should say that..."

River cocked her head a little, considering her a moment, before she looked down, averting her eyes. "You couldn't have known, and I should have known... I told you, I should... have protected you. Kept you close..." She looked up, sadness and regret in her eyes, but also hope and faith, also love. "If it's your fault, it's just as much mine. Draw?" She offered.

Kaylee smiled, charmed. "Draw." She agreed, actually feeling lighter for it somehow.

"Good." River said. "Now, time to eat, don't you suppose so?" She asked hopefully.

"You always know just what to say, don't you?" She teased, picking up her fork and taking a bite of root stew.

"I do?" River asked, like she was finding that not just a little hard to believe. "Truly?" 

Kaylee swallowed her stew (typically delicious, of course). "For me you do." Kaylee told her the simple truth.

River just smiled this shy, happy sort of smile as she started to eat too.

And, somehow, despite the apparently immanent arrival of more trouble and horror than logic said they had any reasonable chance at being able to survive, Kaylee found that she was happy too.

_Maybe I've just got to do like she says sometimes, and... have a little faith?_

* * *

Never underestimate the power of drawing, I always say. Next time: _~ THINGS I NEVER TALK ABOUT ~_

 

Chinese translations:

"bushi ma?" = "weren't you?"


	15. Things I Never Talk About

Part 3: Echoes Of An Old War 

**Chapter 15: ~ THINGS I NEVER TALK ABOUT ~**

* * *

That night, in the clearing outside their shuttle, River was settling down on their blanket to watch the sunset. Kaylee swallowed and sat down next to her, cuddling up with her under the blankets. They'd already had dinner, so they were ready for that sunset storytelling tradition of theirs. Kaylee... had an idea of the story she was going to share tonight. It wasn't one she _wanted_ to share, but, somehow, with what was coming soon, she felt like she had to... be brave, or something? She didn't want to go into whatever horrors were coming their way with this unsaid between them—unsaid at all, really, because it wasn't something she'd ever talked of with anyone before...

"It's your turn tonight, right?" River asked a little uncertainty from next to her, after Kaylee'd let herself fall into silence for a little too long.

"Yeah... Yeah, it is." She admitted. "I... You asked me about this before, but I..." She started to say softly. "I wasn't ready to tell you the whole story before, about Dey and... Coralynn... and... I've never told anyone this story, I'm not sure I'm ready to tell it now. What I told you before about that stupid camping trip and all, that's more than I've told anyone before, but it... sort of feels like I should tell you the rest of it now... if you want to hear it?"

"...You were in love with her, weren't you?" River asked, maybe actually cutting to the heart of it, and not exactly looking happy about it.

Kaylee opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She turned away. "...Maybe I was..." She admitted. It wasn't something she'd ever really let herself admit to before, even to herself, but hearing River say the words... "I..." She looked back up, hesitantly meeting River's gaze again. She let out a breath, relieved to see only compassion and understanding there now. "If I was, I was a damn coward about it, too twisted up inside with... all sorts of things to act reasonably over the whole thing." She admitted.

"...Tell me?" River asked simply.

"Right." Kaylee took a deep breath for courage and let it out. "I... Well, I guess it's not really the kind of story you'd call a deep dark secret or anything. Not really. Compared to you, the captain, or Zoe, I imagine it'll seem pretty darn tame, in fact." She offered, letting her mind go back there to that time in her life. It wasn't a comfortable feeling for her. "Deylin, Coralynn, and their family, they immigrated to Isis from Greenleaf when I was a little girl. One of their dads inherited a farm nearby when old lady Talwin died and her granddaughter didn't show an interest in the place. Married some rich man's daughter and was living it up on Bellerophon, apparently... I met them both for the first time one afternoon when the two of them were out exploring in the hills nearby. I was with Ilann, like usual, and the four of us ended up spending the day together... at least until Mason found us and told his brother and sister they were meant to be back for dinner.

"It wasn't as though I was smitten from the start or anything, with either of them. He and Cora, Mason too, they were just new friends... at least until I got to be that age where you start to notice who you might like to invite into your bed one day at any rate. For me, that was Dey. It was mutual, so... we started spending more time together, until, in the fullness of time... we kissed. It was all downhill from there for me, especially once I found out what it was like to have a lover. I was convinced he was it for me and we'd be married one day, just like mom and dad.

"I... Never wanted to grow up to work a farm like my parents, I've told you that, but I guess I did want to be married like they were... Dey, he wanted to go into search and rescue, and I just wanted to fix things and travel, have adventures. I spent a lot of time daydreaming up ways we could do everything we wanted. Being settlers would've been an obvious option, but neither of us wanted to move away from our families, at least not so permanently as that. We did talk about it. I think we finally settled on signing on to a ship of some sort for a few years, maybe a transport, an in-system medical ship, or even an expeditionary. Transports need medics, and he was getting paramedic training as part of his studies. Medical ships were called away to remote areas of the planet or to mining rigs. Then, of course an expeditionary would need a mechanic, a medic, and maybe even search and rescue personal too. I'd have been alright with anything of the sort, I think... I just wanted my adventures, and I wanted my boyfriend to come along for the ride; you know, so I'd have someone to share it with, talk to, an have sex with, because sex is important..."

River smiled at that. "Truth." She put in. "True also, that love... tends to make all sorts of things seem possible..."

"...Of a certainty..." Kaylee agreed softly, briefly giving River a kiss on the cheek for being so romantic (because romance is important too), before snuggling back up with her. She was feeling shy, unsettled, and out of sorts over all of this, really she was.

"What happened next?" River asked gently, when Kaylee didn't continue with her story for a few long moments, caught in her memories.

Kaylee let out a breath and got on with it. "Well, everything was fine, really. We were young and in love." She smiled to herself. "At one point, Ilann and Coralynn even tried dating each other. Those were probably the best times. We'd go all kinds of places together. It was... but, well, then Ilann broke up with her. She told me she'd done it because Cora was in love with me and not her... I hadn't had a clue. That- It wasn't a good feeling, obviously, for either of us. Things between me and my sister were... a bit awkward after that, at least until she started dating Alisandra Kenny at any rate ...And then, after a while, Dey got started trying to get into that internship program of his. It was with an outfit up on the orbitals.

"Intensive training in zero-g rescue operations. An eight month stint, like I told you; no shore leave permitted, and no way I could be up there with him. Eight months... It felt like an eternity, and, I... guess I felt betrayed, you know? To me... To me, we'd been meant to be a team. I told him, I said: what's the point if we can't be together? We had plans, you know...? Maybe you're right, maybe that was him cheating on me, like you said. And I mean, looking back on it, you're right I should've just... I don't know, maybe I should've done a lot of things different... Anyway, it was the first time I really got properly mad at him, the first time I yelled... I don't usually yell at people. I always thought getting mad like that was just a good way to make yourself feel awful—if I'd needed any more proof on that, I certainly got it that day... Like I said though, you couldn't really have an argument with that boy....

"He had a smile, like, if you saw it, you'd be completely unable to imagine anything bad would dare try existing anywhere within a hundred miles or more of his general vicinity. There was just this kind of unstoppable optimism about him, like he genuinely believed that, if we just tried hard enough, worked together, we'd get everything wrong with anything fixed. No problems. It was so easy to get caught up in that feeling for me, so easy to just... love him... He was all about helping people, dong ma? And one of his dads'd been search and rescue back on Greenleaf. He grew up hearing all the stories... I tried to talk him out of it, that internship of his. Tried to tell him to wait... I could talk him into or out of just about anything usually, if I put my mind to it, but about that, about following in his dad's footsteps? Well, he was stubborn as a mule and twice as pigheaded." Kaylee explained.

River chuckled, just a little, at the description, and Kaylee was absurdly grateful to her for that. It steadied her somehow, or to an extent it did anyway.

She let out a breath. "So... So I went on that stupid camping trip I told you about. A couple days later, he told me he got accepted to that program of his. We spent the next two weeks doing everything together, me trying to convince myself he wouldn't really go away, that, if I was the prefect girlfriend, that he'd change his mind at the last second, that he'd forgive me about Coralynn if he knew, and nothing was going to turn out as bad as I was secretly afraid it would turn out. I told myself that, even if he did go, we'd talk on comms twice a day, and it'd be almost as good as having him right there with me... Then the day came, he didn't change his mind, I saw him off, and he was gone. Ilann was there with me and she took me home. I kind of walked around numb for a couple days, until his first comm hale came in from up there. He was... you know, really excited about the whole thing. Huale zhengzheng yiduan shijian gaosu wo zhe yiqie, and all the time in my head I was yelling at him to shut his damn mouth and tell me, wo bu zhidao, that he missed me, that he'd made a huge mistake, or, you know, at least that he was something like as miserable about the whole thing as I was. He didn't though, and he so very obviously wasn't, and then he was gone. I screamed and threw a picture of us at the wall as hard as I could and sat down on my bed and started to cry.

"Ilann came in then and sat with me, let me cry on her shoulder. She fell asleep with me on top of my covers that night, and the next morning she made me breakfast and we talked. She asked me if I still wanted him for my boyfriend, and I... A part of me wanted to just say _hell no_ , but I was still in love with him, even if I couldn't stand... and it hurt so much to think about losing him... and there's a reason for that, you know? Being in love, it's not supposed to be something you just get over or give up on all that easy, is it?" She asked.

"It's not..." River said simply, with such surety in her voice that Kaylee's heart melted all over again for her.

"Darn right..." Kaylee agreed faintly, trying to hold the guilt of having said that at bay. "Only, the thing was... maybe, in the end, I didn't exactly... live up to that ideal of mine all so well... not where either of them were concerned..." She admitted, letting the guilt in, fresh and raw, because, well... here she was again: in love. And what did that mean? River deserved someone worthy of her, someone who'd never hurt her, not for anything. She just had to hope, she told herself, that she'd done enough growing up since those years for it to make the difference. She thought she had, or _hoped_ , more likely. "See, we did keep talking, me and Deylin, for whatever that was worth... I never really told him how I was feeling, even though I think some part of me knew it was wrong to keep that from him. Still, he tried anyway. He saw I wasn't happy. I just... I guess I thought: what's the point, right? Why say anything when the only thing that was going to fix it was for him to come back home to me? I don't know if that made me selfish or not... I suspect maybe it did... 

"I know I was stupid, because, if I couldn't bring myself to find a way to resign myself to what being with him would mean for me, I should've just... told him that. I should've been honest... Talking about it growing up, our plans for the future, I always thought... Well, I had ideas in my head, like I said. Looking back on it, I... I'm not sure if we really even saw each other—saw each other clearly, I mean. Was I in love with him, or was I in love with the boy I wanted him to be? He was so good, you know? That, I knew. Saintly, just like I told you. That's... It's really attractive in a person, or, at least it is to me anyway... Except, in hindsight, maybe what I really wanted was, well, just exactly what you said: someone who's just good, rather than being saintly...

"With... what I did with Cora that time, I certainly wasn't feeling very saintly myself by that point, that I can say for certain." She smiled a sorrowful sort of smile. "It... also didn't exactly help my chances at sainthood that, a month on, I'd started... spending more time with her, a lot more time than usually we did... Not dating, or, at least, not the going to romantic places and kissing each other a lot kind of dating. Just... going places, hiking, talking, that kind of thing. I told myself it was all innocent, and maybe it almost was... at least until this time a couple months later when Dey told me he was going to be out of comm range for three days... By... by the third day, I ended up in her bed, and... yeah...

"In the morning... I just remember waking up, her body laying against mine, and me staring up at the skylight, thinking what a horrible person I was turning out to be, because, not only had I just cheated on the boy I loved again, but because, in my heart, I wanted to keep doing it, again and again... Cora woke up then, made me breakfast, and we talked. It was... kind of awkward, and she, well, of course she... wanted me to break up with her brother and be with her... and a part of me could... kind of really see where that made all kinds of sense... We did make a good couple, I think. We... might even have been kind of perfect for each other, at least in the way where she checked all my boxes. I mean, yes, she was a girl, and she'd kind of... taken me by surprise that way, but, apparently, it didn't mean I couldn't fall for her just as well as I could for a boy." She met River's eyes then. "I mean, obviously that's so...

"Anyway, she was someone I could talk with," Kaylee continued, dropping her gaze "she was easy to be with, said she wanted to travel and go on adventures with me, she... we even had chemistry, you know in a naked way, just as much as Dey and I ever had, and I just... I remember thinking that maybe she was that person I should've been with all along? That someone who was good, but not _saintly_ good... I mean, we both obviously didn't care enough for him not to do what we were doing, right? Not even enough to bite the bullet and tell him so. We had that in common at least... I... can't say the reality of that thought made me feel any better about what I'd done... I ended up telling her I needed some time to think, and I left, neither of us really all that happy about that result.

"I spent the day hiking and thinking, and then, that night, when Dey called... I'd made up my mind, I was going to tell him everything. When his smiling face appeared in front of me though, I just... I couldn't do it. I still loved him, and it was plain to see he still felt that way about me right back. Maybe it wasn't enough, for either of us, but... I couldn't bring myself to hurt him. The thought of doing that to him, it made me so sick inside, I just... and, maybe, a part of me also didn't want to give up on what we had either, didn't want to risk the idea that we... might not even be friends after what I had to tell him... even though the logical side of me told me I'd already gone too far for the truth not to come out at one point or another. It was obvious right? I'd broken what we'd had beyond all hope of repair, and the longer I took in telling him, the worse it would be for everyone. But, even still, I couldn't make myself say the words, so I took the cowards way. I pretended like everything was all sunshine and roses, and I remember thinking how strange a feeling it was that he believed me... 

"When he signed off, I called Cora, and we met up for breakfast the next day to talk. I told her I needed more time, that it was hard for me, all those things that just convinced me all the more what a wretched coward I was being. I told myself all kinds of things after that. Even thought to myself maybe I didn't really know what I wanted yet, that maybe I could fix things with Dey after all somehow, but, you know, that was obviously a lie, because, like they say: actions speak. If I'd really wanted to be with him, well, then, waiting those eight months should've been more doable for me, shouldn't it? At the very least, at the base minimum, I should've been able to stop myself from falling for his sister the way I did, now shouldn't I? No, if I'd been seeing clearly... but, then, who does that sort of thing at that age?" Kaylee asked.

"Not me." River told her with a small encouraging smile, though Kaylee could sense the vulnerability behind those spoke words, and she knew that this story had shaken her.

Kaylee found the courage to look over to her though, to confirm what her ears had heard, and, as it turned out, she was instantly glad she had, because she saw in River's eyes then that her lover had faith in her still. "It's your turn tomorrow night, you can tell me all about it." She bantered softly, giving her a small smile.

"...Deal." River said softly, returning the smile.

Kaylee felt her own smile grow, relieved. She looked away then, off at the sunset happening before them. She didn't speak.

"You um, you don't have to tell me the rest?" River ventured.

Kaylee let out a breath. "No sense stopping now, is there?" She offered. She took in and let out another breath. "The rest is that, after two more days of avoiding the tangle I'd gotten myself into, the guilt and the inevitability of it all finally did get to me enough that I couldn't hold it in anymore and I told Deylin what I'd done... What I'd done, and who I'd done it with... The look on his face... Thunderstruck. He never saw it coming. There was anguish in his eyes. I um... I devastated him, I'm sure that I did... The silent tears falling down his cheeks, that was proof if nothing was... I'd never... I'd never seen him cry before. I didn't think... Well, so, he hung up on me and wouldn't take my calls. Small wonder that, I know...

"I... I cried too of course, spent hours alone in my bed. Ilann tried to get through to me, but I sent her away. Coralynn came by then; my sister'd meddled an called her. She held me, I told her what I'd done, what he'd done, and then we were holding each other...

"We slept together that night, just slept... In the morning, she tried to call him. He wouldn't pick up for either of us. We called Mason... He'd heard from him, but wouldn't tell us a thing. Coralynn, she... told me we should move in together. She had a place of her own, you know? Out by the edge of her family's property, overlooking a gorge. I told her... I told her yes...  I mean, it hurt, it still hurt, and I knew Dey, he had to be hurting, maybe worse, but I figured I'd get over it and so would he. I told myself it was for the best. I told myself: he'd find someone, probably someone better for him than me, and, in the end, everything would turn out fine, for both of us...

"So I moved in with her. It felt... on the one hand, it felt like I'd imagined it would: I had someone again, really had her, and we could be completely up front about it. It felt like we'd started being grownups, like we were a couple like my mom and dad were. Like, you know, we had a path: get engaged, get married, have our fun, go on an adventure, maybe two, maybe have kids after that, I don't know, then we'd... grow old together. I was... and I was fine with that, I think. I thought, you know, life surprises you, but I was still going to have the life I'd wanted all along, I'd just... picked the wrong person for me the first time out... and now I'd picked the right one, that was all... So that was good. I mean, I'd made a right fine mess of things getting there, but it wasn't as though I'd actually set out to hurt anyone, had I? I hadn't, but... that didn't mean there wasn't still this feeling, like someone standing behind be with a pistol, and me never knowing when they might take it into their head to shoot me... That billet, in my head, was... the things Dey would say to me when he finally did say something...

"A week went by though, and still no word from him. I'd got to think, well, maybe he wouldn't. Maybe I wouldn't hear from him at all, not until he came back home and then I'd just... see him one say, across the street or something. I wondered, what would that be like? Would he turn and walk away? Or, would he do the other thing, look me in the eye, and break my heart all over all over again, like I probably deserve... I thought, maybe he'd forgive me though? Maybe he'd just do that, say he hoped I was happy or something. He was that kind of boy to do that, or maybe he was, I guess I'll never know, because it never happened... Because, before anything like that could happen... the shot came, and... as it turned out, it was... so much worse than I'd ever thought...

"Dey, he'd been out apprenticing. There was this cut rate shipping outfit that came through every now an then, running basic mercantiles of one kind or another. This time, it was construction supplies for the new arena they were building in Paradigm, a city on the far side of the planet from me. The ship was docking with one of the orbital lifts, but, when they tried to hook up their power systems to the lift for a recharge, some of their relays gave out. There was an explosion, the docking seal broke and they went drifting. Dey's team was nearby, and they responded...

"The ship's trajectory was pointing it towards a hard planetfall, and no one up there had any confidence they'd be able to pull themselves out of it. There also wasn't a ship anywheres about with equipment or towing power enough to pull them safely out, so the objective Dey and his team had... was to get in there, get the surviving crew out, and then get clear so they could demolish the ship and let it burn up on reentry.

"As you might imagine... they didn't have an excess of time in which to accomplish the feat...

"So, they went in, went about doing their jobs, and, well... there was an explosive decompression at just the wrong time..." She wiped at tears that had started to fall, and River came around behind her, holding her, rocking her gently. Kaylee burrowed into her gratefully as she closed her eyes and continued her sad tale. "Just bad timing, really, they said... just one of those bad turns that turn a person's way sometimes, when they put themselves in dangerous situations like that... He didn't... didn't even get to give his life in the kind of brave, heroic sacrifice I'm sure he'd always imagined for himself... It was just, well, just bad workmanship, really. If someone'd taken the time to build that ship right, keep it in good repair, none of it would've happened. I mean, it was heroic, I know it was. He was there, right? That alone... that counts, right?" She asked.

"...Very much so." River agreed sympathetically.

"Right... So, he died a hero, and then... Mason, he was the one told us all this; came by the house and he told us." Kaylee told her. "I... then he left and Cora and I, we... She was a mess and I was a mess and... Two people wracked with guilt and clinging to each other for solace. I... tried not to think about how... We mourned together, went to the funeral, and I tried, you know? I... I tried to get past it, the guilt, the idea that it was my fault somehow. That I'd sent him into that damn ship with his heart broke to pieces and that maybe he just didn't... try hard enough, didn't want to live hard enough to figure out a way to live where he'd died... There wasn't a visual record, after all. No one actually saw it happen. All they knew was that there was an explosive decompression and Dey died... They couldn't tell us, couldn't tell me, if it'd been one of those blink of an eye things, or if he might have... seen it coming at all...

"And Coralynn, she was... She was there for me, she told me it wasn't my fault, that he would have forgiven me, forgiven us, that he'd want us to have a good life together and be happy... a few weeks after the funeral, she even gave me a ring, told me we should get married... I told her yes, and... we tried to make it work. I tried to convince myself she was right, that..." She took in a shaky breath and let it out. "A couple weeks later though... I left her ring on the bedside table, bought passage on a ship bound for Persephone, told my sister goodbye, and I... I just left... I sent her this message, a long rambling thing about how I couldn't do this anymore and please understand and find someone else and be happy and..." She sighed.

"I took odd jobs here and there, never staying one place for long, determined to have that adventure of mine, I suppose... Ended up on Jiangyin, where I met up with Zoe and the captain, and, well... here I am. I... I still try'n stay in touch, with my sister, when I can. Cora, she... even sent me a letter once. She's... She's married now. To Alisandra Kenny, of all people. She said she was happy and she wanted me to be happy too..." Kaylee finished, letting out a long breath and then breathing in again. "I just... I hope you don't think too less of me. I'd like to think I've done some growing up since then, you know?" Kaylee finally confessed.

River looked troubled. "We all grow up. Not always in ways we'd ever choose..." She trailed off, squeezing Kaylee's hand gently in hers and then looking to her. "I... I don't think less of you though. You were confused and scared of loss... It happens to everyone from time to time. We can't be expected to always know how to handle it with grace. It just means you're human, and I already knew that about you, so..." She shrugged a little, looking kind of cute and helpless about it.

Kaylee hugged her, grateful, and maybe she cried a few more tears too.

* * *

"So, tomorrow we start setting Reaver traps..." Kaylee said as River slipped in under the covers with her a little later that evening. Kaylee knew they were coming, the Reavers... It was probably a big part of why she'd felt in such a mood to confess things... More than River's word on it, she felt it deep inside, in that place deep in her soul that remembered what it'd felt like to have them _on_ her... River'd saved her then though, she told herself, so she maintained a stubborn belief that her lover really would be able to do so again.

"Yes." River confirmed softly, moving in behind her to wrap her arms around her and snuggle up to her. "Tomorrow, we'll do that."

River'd previously assured her she had the timing more than down by this point, and Kaylee, nervous about the whole thing as she still yet was, had chosen to trust in her. The alternative, after all, would be just trusting in herself, and... River really did seem to her to be a much better bet. "I wish I could see what you see..." She finally said. "Or, you know, I don't... Not really, since it's Reavers in this case, but I do, because you seem so sure and calm about this whole thing, and it'd be darn nice to be able to feel some of that myself..." She trailed off.

"...I might be able to show you, like we did before?" She offered, sounding very uncertain, but like she wanted to give Kaylee any comfort she could offer.

Kaylee thought about that a long moment then let out a breath. "Can you just... tell me how you think it'll go?" She asked.

River was silent a few beats before answering. "...They come at night. I reduce their numbers as they approach. Provoked, they give chance. I lead them here, and then... I kill them all..."

"All so very fated, is it then?" Kaylee asked, wistfully, both bothered and relieved by the idea that it could be so gruesomely simple.

River shook her head. "The storm comes for us, we have only two options: we live, or we die. I choose to live."

"Right... but, it'll happen. Ni yijing kan daole. It's... It's one of those inevitable things of yours, bushi ma?" Kaylee asked.

"Shi." River told her softly. "You know what a lion is, ni bushi ma?"

"Well, yeah, of course. Even saw some in person once on a family trip." Kaylee answered. Isis had a nature reserve on one of the other continents. It'd had all sort of animals. "Why?"

"Back on Earth That Was, way back in the before times, human begins were scared of them, couldn't ever hope to stand up to one if they took it into their head to make a meal of'm. Just, no way to win there. Just look at these, you know?" River wiggled the fingers on her hand to illustrate for Kaylee. "Soft, delicate, no claws to speak of." She nibbled on Kaylee's neck then, and Kaylee giggled. "Not very sharp teeth either, comparatively."

"Uh-huh, so what's your point?" Kaylee asked, smiling and feeling better, despite herself.

River giggled. "It's a pointy point." She said, apparently very much approving of Kaylee's ability to throw out a pointed pun every now and then. Kaylee smiled to herself more and closed her eyes, forever happy with herself when she could make her lover laugh the way she'd just done. "My point is that..." River went on, kissing Kaylee's skin where she'd just previously nipped her. "Then someone invents spears and knives, and that then it was more of a fair fight. A while later, you had bows and arrows, and we got the upper hand. Then..." River trailed off.

"Guns." Kaylee put in.

"Precisely. And now they don't stand a chance, not one." River told her softly. "Storms were like lions once too." She explained. "But then, we learned to predict them. Finally, control them, prevent them, even destroy them on a whim."

"Weather control systems." Kaylee said softly, following the logic progression easily. There was one on this planet, in fact, a weather control system. Most colonies didn't have them, but this one, it'd had the money.

"Just so..." River confirmed. "Now they don't stand a chance. It isn't fate. It's just a fact. We're stronger because we're clever, so we win. Now there's Reavers, and, to them, if they're a lion, we're a gun. If they're a storm, we're a weather control system... They don't stand a chance."

Kaylee shivered at the soft certainty in those words. "...We?" She asked.

"We..." River confirmed. "Together, we can make a saint, remember?" She asked faintly, moving to kiss her neck, arching her body into and against hers in small but very significant ways.

Kaylee arched her spine a little at the feel of those lips, of River's arms around her, the heat of her, and the feeling of her chest pressing into her back the way it was. "Mmm..." Kaylee hummed. "I can't think when you get to doing this to me, you know?"

"That's only a biological reaction... though some would say a spiritual truth exists behind it." River offered softly, her voice taking on a tone that had Kaylee positively melting at her touch.

"Yeah?" Kaylee murmured. "And what truth would that be?" She asked, a little breathless already, bringing her hand up to cover and still one of the hands River was touching her with, looking down at that hand and contemplating bring it up to her lips to kiss, thinking it might be nice to suck on some of the fingers too...

"In summary... that love tends towards making everything else seem boring by comparison?" River explained, almost in a whisper.

"And..." She met River's eyes again. "You'd say that... we're definitely in love with each other then?" She asked. "Maybe even, like, in a... spend the rest of our lives together kind a way?"

"...I hope so, yes..." River said breathily, smiling against the skin of her neck. 

"Oh..." Kaylee answered softly, thinking again all the sudden, despite that it was hard to.

"You aren't... pleased about that?" River asked, pausing what she'd been doing and sounding all the sudden quite thoroughly vulnerable. It belied the weather control gun like confidence she'd had before, and made her sound like just what you'd expect any woman to sound like at a time like this. Maybe that shouldn't have been quite so comforting, given the dangers they were soon to be in, but, to Kaylee, it was comforting anyway... She was feeling quite thoroughly vulnerable too at the moment too, you see, and she didn't particularly want to be feeling that way by her lonesome.

"No, no of course I'm pleased about that." Kaylee told her softly, feeling more than hearing River let out a breath in relief behind her.

"...What then?" River asked, still sounding worried.

Kaylee let out a breath herself. "Do you ever just unaccountably feel like you might be doomed or something?" She asked, maybe just a little plaintively.

"I... think everyone probably does at one point or another..." River trailed off. "We like to think we're safe in the lives we live, when the truth behind the facade is that... we never really are. Life is always and ever a leap of faith. So is love... It's only natural to worry about consequences..."

"...You think that's all it is?" Kaylee asked faintly.

"No..." River admitted reluctantly.

"What then?" Kaylee asked.

"...Only echoes, I expect?" River offered, a little faintly.

"...Of what exactly?" Kaylee asked.

"Things that happened? Maybe... Maybe things that will happen, too?" She asked. "It isn't an easy thing, to be hated this way..."

"...Hated?" Kaylee asked, a little confused by that.

"What else would you call it? They, Reavers, they want us all dead, and we want them all dead too... Enmity doesn't seem like a strong enough word to me." She admitted.

"...No, no I guess it don't at that." Kaylee admitted.

River pulled back from her then, and, questioning, Kaylee was making to turn around to her, when she found herself gently being pushed over and turned right around so she was on her back, River over her, gazing down into her eyes. "Kaylee, my love?" River asked with a small but blinding amazing sort of smile that made Kaylee's heart beat faster and feel ten tons lighter all at once.

"Yeah?" Kaylee asked faintly, caught in her lover's eyes.

"...Don't worry so much, okay?" She asked, stroking her hair as any good lover might.

"Um, yeah, okay..." Kaylee agreed as River lowered herself down to kiss her. "I won't." She whispered, just as their lips were about to meet.

* * *

Do you worry sometimes too? Next time: _~ THESE BLOODY HANDS OF MINE ~_

 

"dong ma?" = "you understand?"

"Huale zhengzheng yiduan shijian gaosu wo zhe yiqie" = "Spent the entire time telling me all about it"

"wo bu zhidao" = "I don't know"

"bushi ma?" = "isn't it?"

"Ni yijing kan daole." = "You've seen it."

"Shi." = "Yes."

"ni bushi ma?" = "don't you?"


End file.
